Hi, all..

I am new to this, but, boy could I have used this over the past
four or five years!! I have read many of your blogs, and Iam
just learning names, etc. but I have learned a lot from many of
you already!!

I met the perfect man five years ago, we have a great,happy life. We both love sports, traveling, all kinds of humor, he's
truly my best friend. The ONLY thing we argue about to no end is his adult daughters (well into their twenties). I understand they had a tough life (they had NO boundaries as teens and, at their own admittance were awful...disrespectful,
truant, mean...my H, their BD, has always been a sports nut, so
he spent lots of time on the golf course,etc. BM took off with
a younger man, leaving BD to basically raise them. Although I would never condone a BM leaving, in my speaking with her, the
chaos in her home was so great that she couldn't handle it.
If they were MY daughters, first of all, they would NEVER act
like that and, SECONDLY, I don't know if I could function
with such craziness!)

For a long time they were estranged from BM, and, understandbly, they clung to BD. I understand that I could have
a halo and wings, they would hate me no matter WHAT because I
represent a "threat" to their life. I have totally understood that. I went out of my way to be kind to them, to make sure they were always included (of course, there were "boundaries"
set which were met with major tantrums, like NO CALLING at all
hours of the night unless it's an EMERGENCY, but this is a
boundary I think we ALL have with other people in general).
But, it's been five years, and I feel enough is enough.

Every holiday has some sort of chaos (someone is crying or
drunk or fighting). It bothers my H, although he DOES understand, but I have been avoiding these crazy family gatherings. My family is NOT like this at all, so I have a
real problem with all of this. I am not a yeller or screamer,
but havefound myself in some major shouting catfights with them over their bossiness (they just expect "daddy" to make them the
center of attention whenever they decide. Of course, I am"invited", but not as his "spouse", more like a third wheel!!) The way they have screamed at my H and at me over the
years makes me sick. He just blows it off anymore because we
really don't see them all that much anymore, and overall, he is
VERY HAPPY with his life now. (Of course, BDs cantknow this; if we are traveling somewhere, he won't even TELL THEM until
a few days before we go, fearing that one of them will have some
"tragedy" thatwill interfere with our fun time.)

Again, they are PUSHING 30!! The ONLY leverage I have (that scares them) is that, when they start their tantrums or blaming ME for things, is that, if I'm so much trouble, I'll divorce their dad and get out of their lives. They back off after that, but then it's all tense and my H is unhappy. All of our friends, family, my MIL(NEVER a problem....even SHE has commented to me about their obnoxious behavior), are all happy for us. Their BM,who is really shy and pleasant and with whom I have spoken at showers, etc., has told me NOT to take their behavior personally; they treat her the SAME WAY.

Iguess the reason I am here is that I just want to be able to
DETACH from the crazy times....I don't want YELLINGanymore or
DISRESPECT. I would appreciate ANY tips from anyone! I have a great job, lots of friends,hobbies, my own 16 year old BDwho is
a great athlete, high honor student, and she can't believe how
messed up these girls can act. I know I am going to have to see them over the summer, and I just want a plan to be able to
stay CALM and not join in the carrying on. Thanks!!!