If it weren't for the steps...I think I'd want another child.
We had our baby boy in February. Now that the dust has settled, I find myself looking at pregnant women, wanting to experience that again (weird, huh?...I had a really great pregnancy and enjoyed it!). Also, knowing the love that I have for my baby and thinking that I could have that AGAIN with another child...it just sort of amazes me. But then I look at our situation and it's so complicated...We have SS3 almost half the time and then there's the other business with taking SS's older sister during the week too (I thought we were seeing a light at the end of the tunnel but FDH has chickened out about backing out now).
Our life is so quiet and great one day, then chaos reigns while the skids are in our home. So adding another child to that mix seems somewhat impossible. *sigh* I know that I should do what I want to do...it's MY life and it's my kids (of course with FDH's support too!) but I think I just came to the realization that it really bums me out that if it weren't for the skids, I'd 110% want another...but because of the situation I'm wishy-washy.
I wish we could just have SS3 ALL the time so that we could have a stable life and not feel so out of control over everything.
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Stepping up, If you want
Stepping up,
If you want another child, and your husband agrees, go for it. In ten or twenty years all of the children will be older, and hopefully the ex-stepchild will be independent enough to take care of herself. I can see your position regarding the older sister, but if your husband was a father to her at one time, it may be difficult for him to disengage. It would also be unfair to her to feel cast off or theown away.
I get my ex's kids about once per month, because they are kin to my bio daughter. At first my husband was not too keen on it, but one of them is like my kid, I watched him grow up. Besides, you have to deal with the ex anyway, so does one more kid in the house matter that much?
Maybe she can help out with the little ones. As long as she has a good attitude, or is still young and impressionable, it can work out.
Back to thee new baby, if you and your husband both want a child, go for it. My husband and I each have one bio teenager from our exes, and now we have two under two with each other. Every child is a blessing, and we are happy that we decided to have more children.
Thank you for the support and
Thank you for the support and sharing your experience. You are right - by the time we'd have another kid (2 yrs?) SD would be even more of a help. She does want to help but she is too young to do much yet... and SS will be older/easier and in school too so maybe it would all work out.
Other things would have to happen, too (financially) so the stepkids isn't the only thing holding it back right now....so things can definitely change in the future.
We aren't in a place RIGHT
We aren't in a place RIGHT NOW to have another child, anyway...I was mostly musing about the future...so maybe in the next 2 years things will change regardless. It's possible for sure!
And as for SD, I think it'll just be a process...I think that the hard part is that we'll have a really good day with her and then we don't want to "give up" on her. There's a huge part of us that feels she will eventually go down the wrong road bc her mom isn't the best role model...and then we feel like we're the only people who have a stable relationship for her to model from to see what is healthy. So in some ways we do feel like we're good for her, and in some ways we feel we're just adding to the chaos in her life, and what is 1-2 days a week going to do when she is influenced by BM all the other days? It's just so complicated and hard.