My SD was older, nine, when I showed up. But she made sure to "rub it in" to BM or us if anyone bought her something (because there was an established history of BM trying to outdo DH.) So SD would tell her mom everything I gave her (even some free clip on earrings that I let her pick out with my buy two pierced/get one free at the mall.) Once I bought her a fleece jacket to wear to school because BM never bought her any warm uniforms. And another time I gave her an old ring of mine (from a high school bf that had the slightest chip of a diamond in it.) SD bragged about anything I gave her (which as you can see was never anything expensive, and some things were just necessities, not "gifts.") BM ranted at DH about me "buying SD's love" to which DH replied, "Well everything she gave was free except the fleece for school which was 10 bucks at Walmart. So NO she is not buying her love. "Buying her love" would be YOUR fiance giving her 5 bucks every week to "be nice" to him, or you buying her inline skates at in Oct, or a new playstation in Nov. There aren't holidays that come with expensive gifts around then that I'm aware of."

Kids learn early how to try to swing this situation their way. SD, even at 3, may have exaggerated what you were doing in order to get something from BM, only to have it backfire when BM got upset at your "buying her love." So SD three reacts as though your generosity was the problem, or perhaps BM was just jealous enough to trash talk you. A three year old won't take kindly to that either.

Or SD could just be "being three" as your DH says. My daughter Anna is two and a half and very fickle to all of us, even me at times. She will be all excited DH is home, then be very stand offish and rude to him, until I make a "fuss" about "Poor daddy...he waited all day to see you. Mama's going to give him a hug." Once my daughter sees that her being "mean" to DH will only cost her some of my attention, she drops the aloof attitude.

So I hope some of that helps!

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

Huh. My BD5 told me yesterday that she hates my guts and that I'm ruining her life. (I wouldn't let her play in my make-up drawer. Am I a bitch or what?!) I do think you have to ride it out. We love our kids - and some of us love our skids - unconditionally. But the more we love them, the more power we give them to hurt us. And hurt us they will. Over and over and over again. Be prepared... you'll be experiencing that knife in your heart forever. Ours range from almost 17 to just-turned 5 and there are five of them... I kind of know my way around this block!

She's very young. She probably doesn't have a clue what's going on. She may very well be being manipulated by her mother. Ask her in age-appropriate terms what's what. Ask her if she's mad at you. Ask her why she doesn't want to be your friend, anymore. Ask her if her mom is mad at you. That kind of thing. If she doesn't answer, get Dad to ask her. Then whatever you get out of her, you'll have a starting point. Give her space when she wants it, but let her know you still love her. "Okay, honey, I understand that you don't want me to play with you right now. I love you!" See what happens.

At this age, redirecting her to something else is probably your best tool, but I just don't think she's old enough to really carry out her mother's orders. She's probably reacting to something someone has told her. Find out what that was, then set her straight. If you haven't already done it, there are loads of books out there for kids her age about divorce, blended families, etc. Sometimes it can help to let the little ones know that it's okay to love everyone, because the heart has an infinite capacity for love, blah, blah, blah.

♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

She's probably reacting to something someone told her. My SD9 was only 2 when I met her, and she quickly took to me. She often wanted me more than she wanted her Daddy. About a year later we picked her up for her EOW visit and she wanted nothing to do with me. Every time I tried to talk to her she would look away, but at the same time looked like she wanted to cry. Finally I asked her what was wrong, that I missed her talking to me and did I do something wrong. She started crying and said "My mommy said you're a cow and I not posed to like you". On the inside I was so offended, but all I said was 'do I look like a cow?' she giggled and said no. I told her that it didn't matter what anyone else had to say about me and that all that really did matter was that I loved her. She hugged me so tight and said 'I love you to B......'.
Your SD could just be reacting to something she's hearing at home. Hopefully it will pass quickly. Hang in there.