BM and SD talking about me.

DH tells me that SD told him that she and BM were talking about me and BM told SD that I'm "growing on her."

:? :? :? :? :? :?

What the hell does THAT mean?

And what were they talking about during this conversation?

LRP75's blog
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my first thought was that bm

my first thought was that bm realizes she isn't going to make you go away, so she's gonna act like she allowed you to stay by graciously accepting you. but i don't remember what you've said about her, is she one of them that has tried to chase you away or break you and dh up?

"...she's gonna act like she

"...she's gonna act like she allowed you to stay by graciously accepting you."

My guess is that she doesn't have anyone left who will believe her lies about us.

I document EVERYTHING and now, every time she tries to lie to someone about something we have cold, hard, real fact documentation for -- I show them that documentation and then let them do the math or decide whether they want to believe any of the crap that we "can't" prove is a lie.

The last time BM tried to mess with us, she had her aunt all riled up about the kind of woman my DH was allowing around the children. BM lied so damn much to this woman, that she had to drive herself half-way across the state to come meet me for herself.

I showed that woman cold, hard PROOF that BM was just lying and manipulating her:

1. BM told her aunt that I have 5 children (I only have 1) and that I have had all 5 of my children taken away from me by CPS and that I am currently embroiled in some huge court battle with CPS and my ex-husband to try to get my children back, but the state won't give me my children back because of my "anger issues" and how I abused the kids. BM told her aunt that she had SEEN the court documents.

- I showed the woman PROOF that I was going to school to be a social worker and showed her the laws that state that I can't be a convicted child abuser and work in the field of human services. That set a light bulb off in the aunts head. I mean, why would I spend $50k on a degree that I wouldn't be able to use? Duh...

- I showed the woman the laws that state that all CPS records are 100% confidential because minor children are involved and that only people directly involved in the case would have access to the records. I asked the aunt how BM would have been able to see these alleged records. The aunt couldn't answer her. So then I implored the aunt to ask BM to see those records for herself and to question "why" BM wouldn't be able to produce them for her to see. (Because they don't exist. Duh...)

- My son was in the house that day and he LAUGHED when he heard what BM had said. He said, "she only beats me sometimes" in the most sarcastic tone. The aunts face was beet-red she was so embarrassed. (hahaha)

- I implored the woman to go to the city courthouse to pull my divorce records, because she could see that my ex and I split amicably and that there isn't even an F.O.C. involved in our lives because we just PARENT our child TOGETHER.

2. BM told her aunt that my DH hasn't paid CS in over a year.

- I took her over to the computer, showed her how to log onto the state website, GAVE her my DH's log in ID and password, and showed her how to look-up, for herself, how much support my DH has paid BM. Then I ran her a report showing her that, in the last 18 months, DH had paid over $18k in CS. Then I printed that report, you know, just so she could have it to refer to.

3. BM told her aunt that my DH hadn't paid his CS because DH and LRP75 "bought a huge house"...

- We showed her aunt our bedrooms IN MY DH'S PARENTS BASEMENT! Clearly we didn't have our own home.

4. BM told her that SD had cut her own hair because she was so "distraught over having to go to her dads house."

- Imagine the aunts surprise to see that I had the EXACT same haircut as SD and was able to show her a receipt for my haircut from the week before SD came to visit us last. Hmm. So SD liked MY haircut and wanted hers like it. When BM saw my hair and realized that SD wanted hers cut like mine, she flipped her wig. So rather than being happy that her daughter had another positive female role model, she had to turn it into something ugly. SD did not cut her own hair, BM took her to get her hair cut, and SD picked the same style I have. The aunt even admitted that she had asked SD about cutting her own hair and said that SD looked at her like she was crazy and denied doing it. The aunt said that she had even asked SS about whether SD had cut her own hair and SS told her that SD hadn't and that BM had taken SD to get her hair cut. So...

5. BM told her that when she took DH back to court for a CS modification and to nail him for not paying support (she filed for it the first business day after DH and I got married, because she was hoping to get MY income) that the court "did nothing" about the arrears and "only ordered him to pay $50 more."

- #1 this was a really weird lie because the court did not order DH to pay ANY more than he is already paying. So I don't know why she would say that. Uhh...?

- #2 We showed the aunt the papers from the court that BM's petition for modification was denied because she could not prove a valid change of circumstance (thus, she was verbally spanked by the judge and laughed out of court).

- #3 We pointed the CS report as a reminder that there are no arrearages.

- #4 We showed the aunt the last modification papers that BM had signed just 2 months prior to her filing for the modification simply because DH and I got married.

6. In order to cause family strife between her aunt and her aunts father (BM's grandfather), BM told her aunt that granddad had paid for our lawyer.

- I showed the aunt the cashed check to the lawyer from MY account.

7. BM told her aunt that we were abusing the kids and that she has extensive documentation, along with photos of bruises and marks, from each time the kids come to visit us.

- Ok, let's use common sense on this one: if that were at all true, why has she not called CPS? Seriously? Even the aunt said that she didn't believe that one.

*****

The list goes on and on. Suffice it to say, I show people proof.

BM's husband called my DH bitching about "DH not paying CS" and that my DH needed to "man up" and take care of his children. I got on the phone, asked him if he was near a computer. Then I walked him through how to sign onto the state website to look up the FOC case so that he could see for himself that my DH had been paying BM $1k in CS for over a year.

Imagine her husbands surprise when he realized that BM had been withholding all of that money from him. Here the guy is working 60 hours per week to support BM and her four children, and she is withholding and hiding the $1k per month she's getting in CS. Huh. I wonder how that one worked out for BM?

BM has told the kids numerous lies about their father and about me. We show them proof too. Now they just look at her and tell her that they don't believe her and that they love their father regardless of what she says.

*****

So yeah, my guess is that she just doesn't have anyone else left who believes her lies and the only move she has left is to "play nice" so that she can still try to look like the good guy in some way.

Whatever. She's a piece of shit.

I appreciate the fact that

I appreciate the fact that you have all that documentation, but I have to ask, who gives a Crap what BM's AUNT thought or thinks about you? Seems like over kill. She's nothing to you, right?

That's true she means nothing

That's true she means nothing to us. However, she was BM's biggest supporter and BM was trying to scam her out of $3k and she was causing problems between the aunt and the grandfather (whom my DH was close with) and the man was about to die (and has since died).

So although proving to her did clear my name, it also saved the aunt $3k who ultimately refused to give BM the money and the aunt and the grandfather were able to repair their relationship before he died.

I think it is great that you

I think it is great that you did that, as BM's credibility is now negative one million, AND she is losing her 'support' for lying about you!!!

I would always defend myself like you are doing - then when BM starts spewing her hate, the people she is talking to will remember how she has lied about you so many times before, and that she is a hating liar. Ha ha!!

Now that I see all this, I am

Now that I see all this, I am sure she is up to no good or just realizes she has been defeated since her aunt (and I'm sure whole family) knows the truth. I withdraw the comment about her maybe liking you now, pretty sure that is not it!

More than likely, it is just self preservation. Like you said, it's the only way she can try to show she is not the horrible person she really is.

Yeah, this is pretty much it.

Yeah, this is pretty much it. I'm sure of it.

I've only seen the woman twice in the past 12 months and talked to her even less. Once in court when she was leaving, red faced and holding back tears because the judge verbally spanked her and denied her attempt to modify child support simply because DH married me; and the second time last week at SS's heart specialist appointment.

I don't know how I could be "growing on her."

WTF.

Oh well.

I've spent way too much time in "Crazy BM La La Land" trying to figure out something that doesn't actually mean anything to me.

I think that a part of it is that she doesn't have anyone left who matters who will believe her lies.