Things are starting to look up: our parenting plan is LEGAL
SO and I went to FOC yesterday to meet with BM (I sat in the waiting room while they spoke to the caseworker) and it was great. BM and I small talked for a bit about timeouts and pottytraining.
I am still hellbent on making this relationship work for all of us, I can tell BM doesn't know what to do now that she realises all her viscious lies about me really AREN'T true. I think she had herself convinced that I was actually some drugged out whore but I digress.
They were only in there about 20 minutes and IT'S DONE. For now anyway lol.
And get this, the caseworker took MY peice of notebook paper on which I had drawn a calendar month of July and had all colorcoded with who got what days, the one that I wrote the holiday parenting schedule on and all the other stipulations: He cut off the fringe part and MADE IT AN OFFICIAL COURT DOCUMENT. LOL
Yup, this bitch gets things done! I was tickled pink when SO told me that lol
So starting July first, SO and I will have SD 2 days in a row overnight then BM will have her for 4, we'll have her for 2 ect ect for the next few year until shes a little older or starts school and then we'll work on going to a 3-3-4-4 or 2-2-5-5 schedule.
Its baby steps but I feel like we're finally making progress. HAPPY FACE!
Oh and I started Therapy a few days ago and my therapist told me I needed to disengage and not be so involved in this process. Yup.
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Wow! I personally think
Wow! I personally think that's great! You are trying to take an active roll in your family. You are also trying to communicate and show BM that your involved and care. Hope all works out well for you guys. Even if it's a small victory you have take them and be thankful!
someone on here told me some
someone on here told me some great advice. I'd like to share, because you sound like me...trying to get things done.
I know you want to be a team-mate as far as parenting goes, but you have to realize that you are not the mom and never will be (regardless of how sucky the BM is). I know that sounds harsh, but you really have to tell yourself that. I don't even like to think of myself as a bonus mom anymore (step-mom for 6 years now).
Look at yourself as your hubby's supporter, his number one fan. Ask yourself, how would he handle this if I weren't in the picture (i.e., if he was a single parent). SD needs valentine's for daycare class or something? Not your thing to worry about it getting done.
I am so serious on this. I'm just praying you won't take this as me being mean, but I'm telling you. There may be that one situation out of so many where everyone can get along very well for many years....I hope that for you! I truly do! But I have a feeling, if this BM is like many of the others, if you keep trying to play an active role, she will get PISSED about everything and anything you do. Because again, you're not the mom. You will act like it when SD is around, because you're a good woman. But again, try to see yourself as your husband's supporter in parenting, instead of as a team-mate. At least for the skids.
Best of luck!
No I totally get what your
No I totally get what your saying. I am just happy because our BM is a nutcase and I feel like I finally got through to her for once. Read my past blogs for the history lol, she IS one of those BMs but for now we are on the same page and I will gladly take a week or even a month or a year of calmness rather than the constant struggle it has been. SO and I are a team regardless of what others opinions are. I appreciate your advice, I don't think you were being mean and I know someday I will probably get to the point where I will have to disengage for a while. Right now though I am doing good and I am happy
I understand COMPLETELY what
I understand COMPLETELY what you are saying.
That was me about 2 years ago. BM and I got along pretty well back then and it felt like more of a team effort between the four "parents" for SS9.
I like to say it's a roller coaster. We just finally started going downhill recently. Although I shouldn't say finally. But I haven't decided how I like things better...I'm not so sure I loved it as much as when I was super involved and friendly with BM.
Best of luck though, happiness is good.