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Am I being totally unreasonable and a wicked stepmother?

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 3:09pm

Most of the time I dont particularly care; however I am questioning myself of late because I find myself getting pissy at ss when he does things that my kids do-sort of.

For example I came home yesterday and there were 3 other kids there playing on our water trampoline with ss. My dd10 was also out there. Now my other kids have friends over, so that's where i'm thinking I'm making this a big deal. BUT-I was also bothered by it as the two boys that were there are actually in my ds's grade, not ss's, and ds was told not to hang out with these kids because they are a negative influence. At the time dh backed me up and agreed. One of the boys comes over every so often because he is the neighbor-it's hard to avoid him completely-but what we told ds was he could have limited contact (he was wanting to come over daily).

But now SS is hanging out with this kid almost daily. And he is in our yard daily. I reminded dh of the issues that we had prior (when this kid first moved here 2 years ago) and he admitted that he forgot and agreed-but then he still was letting it happen. The other person that was over it our other neighbor who happens to be my ds's best friend. She is a girl-and really more than just a best friend-she and her family have been like a second family to my ds. I told my dh, "Do you realize the huge problem we will have if ss starts hanging out with ds's best friend?" He did sort of agree.

But now I am wondering if I am just a wicked sm? Should I just be ok with ss hanging out with kids that I wouldnt allow my own kid to hang out with-kids I didnt want over at my house? Should I be ok with him hanging out with my kids best friend? IDK?

My other thought is that I just dont trust ss at all. My kids I ve been with day in and day out for 14, 13, and 10 years-they have spent years earning my trust and showing me what kind of people they are. SS has only been here 3 months-he was out of the home for like 5 years. Probably half of those 5 years we didnt have any contact with him-the rest of the time it was eowe. He didnt spend those years building trust, but rather showed us all how we cant trust him. So sometimes when I dont want ss doing something-its not because he's done something wrong at the moment, it's just because I dont trust him yet based on years of past behavior. I feel like my dh doest quite understand this-he feels like if one of the kids does something then the other should get to as well. Because that's what's "fair".

I dont even know if I am making sense or not.

Comments

stepintexas's picture

Submitted by stepintexas on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 9:16am

HMO, I feel your irratation for the situation, but honestly, there is not much you can do yourself, it is up to your DH to enforce rules with SS and he chooses not to when you are not home, as well as when you are.

I think, in my opinion, you are laser focused on the SS, and he is not the one you should focus on.Your DH blatantly ignores any part of family life he doesn't want to deal with.

I am being the bearer of bad news here, it is your DH you need to get a grip on. He is all sorts of screwed up, and until he is able to be a part of the real world, not his delusions, your life is going to be nothing more than it is now...CHAOTIC.

I can not for the life of me figure out why you continue to put yourself and your kids through this completely disfunctional situation. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

This is a place to vent...keep venting...I think you having a safe, sane place to come to is important for you.

Have you sought counseling for yourself? I think it is a necessity, as you are going through tremendous stress with all the ups and downs that your DH puts you through. At some point, you will HAVE to decide if the marriage is still that important, as your DH is not likely to change, or you will have to resign yourself to live this form of weirdness until?

Hugs, HMO, I wish I was there to shake your shoulders and tell you to make a better decision FOR YOU!