I just wanted to state that for the record. Following FDH and BM's little tif about me threatening to spanks SS5 and FDH stance that the boys WILL NOT walk all over me. ( I know spanking is a touchy topic so if you want to comment on that see my other post) BM e-mailed me...

I expected the worst to be honest when I saw that there was an email from her. It wasn't that bad, she didn't seem mad. It was a long e-mail but this is the short version.

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She started by telling me that she doesn't know how to talk to me, it's worth noting that she has NEVER tried to call me, which is why she was e-mailing me. Then She rambled on about wanting us all to get along and work together as a 'family' and create a loving environment for the boys. ( I can agree with that) she added that she KNOWS it's not easy for me to have walked into this situation, the stress of a 'new' relationship (we have been together 2 years) and dealing with 'special needs' children and an ex-wife. She goes on to explain that she understand what I am going through, 'dealing with all the crap that comes with the boys' (her words) and having to do it alone because of FDH's busy work schedule. She said that she doesn't hate me and respects me for all that I do. She noted that we were all stuck together for the nest 13 years.She closed with this fantasy that she has about the 4 of us (FDH, me, BM and her hubby) hanging out together (dinner and school stuff) with the kids and Her and I chatting over coffee.

I know that I maybe shouldn't have but I responded, I was very honest with her and told her some things that I have wanted to say to her in a long time.

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I told her that e-mail might be best because no one knows how to talk to her in person. She interrupts people and rolls her eyes at them, if she doesn't like the way the conversation is going she walks away or hangs up on people. I explained to her that I have not talked to her in over a year - we just recently started exchanging txt and e-mails again - and suddenly we are having 'issues' again. I offered to go back to ignoring her if that was what it takes to keep the peace. I said that she doesn't know anything about me or what I am going through, adding that I love FDH and the boys but admitted I could do with out the pushy ex-wife. I explained that FDH works hard to support OUR family and I try to work just as hard on my end, I really enjoy my life the way it is and wouldn't change anything, it keeps life interesting.

Then I explained to her that I don't hate her, I hate what she did to FDH and how she treats him. I also hate when she sticks her nose into our relationship. I explained to her that she broke FDH's heart and a long time ago she asked FDH (on the phone when I was at his house) why he was dating me, because I was(am) nothing like her so that must mean that their marriage was a farce, so I answered it for her - he is with some one that is not like you because he is not in love with you any more. I also asked her why she feels the need to also say 'special needs' when talking about SS5. I told her that I didn't need her respect (which she insisted on giving me any way)

I reminded her that we were getting married and when I say I do it's forever, so I am not going any where. And if we are going to be 'stuck' together I made a few requests, no more gifts. And I told her that would would never be friends since we have nothing in common.

As for her fantasy I simply asked her why she though FDH would want to be around the woman that broke his heart and the friend that betrayed him (her hubby and FDH USED to be friends) and then I asked what she thought the 4 of us wold talk about? Her hubby and I don't want to hear about their past life together and I assume her and FDH don't want to hear how happy their ex is with someone else. And she said we could talk about the kids so I tossed in there how upset SS7 was when he found out the She took SS5 home from school Friday and not him.

Of course she e-mailed me back...
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She thanked me for my honesty and letting her know so that she could improve herself (she won't change). She said that she didn't know what I meant when I said we were having issues, she just sent me that one e-mail. She admitted that I was a strong independent woman.

She told me that I only had one version of what happened between her and FDH (though I tend to believe him) and she fully expects me, as his soon to be wife, to take his side. Something about never knowing the truth (she tells everyone that it was mutual, but how FDH feels about it is not up for debate)

She defended calling SS5 special needs - she says she doesn't do it ( I have seen/heard her MANY times) and she said that she does spend time with SS7. There was some thing about she does stuff a certain way for a reason.

She talked about how her and FDH seem to just fight all the time and she just wants to get along.

Yeah I e-mailed her back...
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I told her that she went off on FDH that day about something that I did. He tells me everything so she might as well have gone off on me. It upset me when FDH gets in trouble over me.

I pointed out to her some facts about their split that BM couldn't deny - I asked her if she thought outsiders wouldn't think it was shady that she started dating her hubby so soon after the diocese (2 weeks after - no answer from her) Then I told her that I was GLAD it didn't work out because now it was my turn to be Mrs. FDH and the mother of his (future) children.

I informed her that the 'fights' between her and FDH were mild, I told her to get into it with me some time and I would make FDH look like a puppy, but if it bothered her so much then maybe they should seek mediation or counseling. Add that both sides had room for improvement. (FDH just doesn't like to talk to her about ANYTHING)

For good measure I listed a few of the way BM had insulted/offended me over the year (which she apologized for or tried to say I didn't hear her right)

In her last e-mail...
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She went on to admit that she was curious about our relationship and a little mad at times because FDH and I make it look so easy. She claims to understand that it would have never worked out between them because she needed him to be something that he wasn't. (took her 7 years and 2 kids to figure that out?) But clearly I am the one for him. (it's worth noting that she NEVER says that she has found that with her current hubby)

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Of course that isn't ALL of the stuff that we talking about just the important stuff. I do think BM is up to something and I don't expect her to change but I feel better for at least tell her all the stuff. I also promised not to 'bottle' it all up again. I am sure it was a 'shock' for BM but seriously she is living in la la land if she thinks 90% of that crap will ever happen. But I gathered from it that BM is jealous of me and the kind of person that I am. I told her that I don't need FDH, I want him. Where she on the other hand has never been alone and needs something to stick up and take care of her. She admitting that FDH sticks up for me, I said he does because he knows if he doesn't I will. (especially when it comes to her, so he does so he can control the out come)