"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride"
I am having a low self esteem night. It seems like I am often the girlfriend that is not good enough to marry, but the ex wife was a serial cheater that left the guy and treated him like crap. You'd think being with a woman who was actually supprotive and absolutly against cheating would be incentive to a long term committment. I know they guy probably didnt know the ex wife would turn out that way, but I would like to be recognized as someone far better than the ex by the guy.
In addition having kids with me (when I was open to the idea) was a no go for the 2 serious relationships I've had the past 6 years despite the fact they already had kids or raised them. The bio mothers completly ditched the men to raise the kid, which in my first serious relationship I ended up raising the kid for a year without any support (emotional) from the man. In the second the kids treated their father figure like an ATM, treated me like I didnt exist or was disrespectful (not sure which was worse), and they could get away with murder. In either case the bio mom left the man to deal with kid(s). I'd think having kids with someone they can trust, love (?), and are not like the existing kids mothers would be a plus, but apparently not.
The point of this rant is that I feel like these POS women are worth more than me because they get the marriage and the kids. Like I am not good enough to marry the guy or have his kids. I know there are lots of other causes such as being burned and not wanting to take another chance, or not wanting to raise kids anymore. It could be age, fiancaial stability, or anything really. I am just tired of being that girl that is great and supportive, but not good enough (not as good as the ex).
I dont even know if I want kids or mariage, but I want to feel like I am good enough for it. I am just feeling very low tonight.
- dodgegal05's blog
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Comments
Sorry you are feeling low,
Sorry you are feeling low, but it really needs to start with you.
1st. Don't move in with any guy who doesn't have plans to marry you.
2nd. Don't take care of any man's kids to whom you are not married to BY YOUR CHOICE, NOT HIS...or have a committed relationship with, which again leads to marriage or not, by YOUR CHOICE, NOT HIS.
You MUST put yourself first period. When you allow others to dictate your life, when you allow others to use you, sadly, there are thousands of aholes out there who WILL use you. You must understand that you don't do those things for anyone unless you are indeed in a committed relationship and one where marriage has already been discussed and in the works, but maybe waiting for the RIGHT time by YOU, NEVER him.
It really sucks. Believe me that so many times when I was single I would see the same. Heck, my DH used to tell me at the beginning of our relationship how all his "ex-girlfriends", or "friends with benefits" would take care of his kid so he could go out etc...I told him NO WAY. Needless to say, those girls gave up a lot and did he marry them? Nope. We have only been married 2 years, but have been together 13. He wanted and asked me to marry him within a few months of being together. It was ME that always said NOT YET. He continuosly asked me and when I said no he would say, "he understood and he was in no hurry and wasn't going anywhere..." But it was MY decision. Do not be so supportive, sweet, help, blah, blah, blah any guy who doesn't love you or have enough respect for you to make you the one. You will feel much better about yourself.