To listen to SO, you'd think he wasn't SD's parent. He's someone gossiping about another person's child.

I listened to his conversation with SS13 tonight about SD16.

According to SO, SD16 is the way she is because BM doesn't punish her or give her any consequences. BM just lets her bring home bad grades and does nothing.

Obviously, he can't do anything because as he puts it "BM holds all the cards" since skids don't live with us. He can't have an affect because they don't live with us and he can't control anything. I get it to an extent, but really? Its not all BM. How many years has disney dad handed over cash, expensive items, clothes, etc. for nothing in return? No expectations of grades or behavior, no lessons in earning and working for what you get. Reciprocity. HOW DENSE TO YOU HAVE TO BE TO SEE SHE IS SPOILED and its BECAUSE OF BOTH PARENTS? He will never admit she is spoiled. I have disengaged long enough for him to see that his daughter is lazy, lies, manipulates her parents, is only interested in friends and boys, has no goals for college, etc. YET, it hasn't occurred to him that he has played a role in this just as BM has.

His words to SS13 "The one thing that surprised me most about SD is that she actually played me and her mother against each other for her own benefit". I guess I've been so disengaged that my next comment really had no negative affect on SO towards me. It just came out. "Really? Every child learns that trick. EVERY CHILD." Very matter of fact, but to the point. He didn't say anything. Its sad to see people that you find intelligent in other areas, be so dumb when comes to their kid!

I just want to ask
So tell me, when did you start paying attention to their homework and not just leave it all to BM?
When did you begin paying attention to what they did in school instead of leaving it all to BM?
Sports, same?

for 5 years after the divorce (3 years I witnessed myself) you only asked general questions "how was your week?"
You apparently called BM all the time to find out about them, but those conversations ended up being about her. Did you ever have grades sent to you from the school? Go to school functions? Tell them about how important college will be from very early on? Sign them up for extracurriculars? inquire about who they were hanging out with, who the parents were for sleepovers?

No, you sat back as if you were impotent and decided to be the wallet and fun guy on the weekends and during the summer. Zoo, candy, fast food, expensive clothes, expensive electronic toys, cell phones, cash, etc with no REAL parenting. You just decided to leave it up to BM. Then 2 years ago, you suddenly get involved. Your daughters grades go to shit, she doesn't care. AND NOW you want to critique BM's parenting? To your son? You are making that boy think its all his mother. You did nothing. That's actually correct, you did nothing.

At least your son has an actual chance because you can only have one kid who is the center of attention, so his loss of that to SD was a gain in character for him. Plus, he just wants to be opposite of SD. Again, just works in his favor.

But you are right, SO. Its all BMs fault, there was nothing you could or can do. Since I'm disengaged, I won't tell you that it isn't an issue of ability, its an issue of willingness.

You can, but you won't and neither will BM. Unfortunately, you will not see your role.