Been married for 7 years. My husband has 2 kids. They are now 18 (SD) and 21 (SS). Each from separate mothers. SS has bipolar and my husband has had little patience for him since they met (when SS was 5). Husband has tried to engage/help/parent/love - but they did not bond when SS was a baby and he was very difficult as a child, adolescent and teen, the relationship has been strained. Husband has always had VERY high expectations of SS - he never wavered on setting limits and consequences. He was almost too hard on SS.

Now, SD... well, she had a different life. Her mother is very difficult and makes several bad decisions. But SD has stability with my husband her whole life. She would come every other week. Husband has had one job for the last 7 years... makes good money, has home, car... very giving to SD. She has always been held to a different expectation then her brother. Well, she has NEVER been held to any expectation. I thought it was because she was 10 and he would gradually start setting limits and such. But over the years, this is not the case.

SD has early on, lied and twisted truths to engage her parents in arguments. She has lied about why her grades are bad (getting D's in 6th grade and said it was because her teachers "Lost" her homework). Never wore her retainer -- or head gear (and Dad did not require it). Was put on a pedestal in front of her brother. Used little manners. As she moved into her early teens, she became more withdrawn, little friends, grades worsened.

My marriage would suffer when I would attempt to point out the lack of consequences or different treatment. He hated it when I would suggest that she get therapy. It was clear to me that she was depressed or suffering because of the fighting between her mom and dad or perhaps our new marriage. I mean to tell you, there were countless times that i thought our marriage would end. He would tell me I was a mean step mom and that she was fine. He would blame the teachers for her "missing" assignments or other struggles.

2 years ago -- I found some really terrible and cruel things she had written about me in a notebook, along with some facebook jabs.... and there was an incidence where smaller panties magically appeared in my laundry. When I approached my husband, he said... they must be SD -- we went to her and said, are these yours? She said, "No, I don't wear that kind".

1 month later, another pair showed up again -- different color. This time, she was at her mom's house for the week. So, we went into her room and looked into her underwear drawer... and sure enough, we found 10 pairs, same kind of underwear, different colors. She wanted us to fight and lied. Too immature to understand what a divorce would do to her Dad, to her little brother (our son who was 4 years old at the time).

Since then, I am over her. Over the arguments with my husband about her. She comes to the house every week, eats our food, watches my TV on my couch in my living room. Her father pays for her car, her insurance, gas, cell phone (which all she does, all day is text - I don't know who - she has very few friends that we are aware of).

Last month (right before she turned 18 and "graduated" from Continuation HS) - my husband included her on a vacation with us. I told my husband that after she turns 18, I do not want to vacation with her anymore. I work full time, long hours... my vacation time is important to me. I dont want to spend that time with her. She does not contribute to the family (not chores, not with smiles, conversation). She is a leech - sucking resources from her weekly "HOTEL" visit.

I think my husband is starting to see that she is off base. But will NEVER admit it to me. WE have a 2nd baby due in June (a girl) and frankly, I just want SD to leave. Go live with her wacked out mother. I want my family to enjoy my house regardless of the week.

I am still concerned that she is depressed and needs medical attention, but at 18 and no support of my husband or her mom, that ship has sailed. I do have this reoccurring nightmare that she will hurt herself and write a letter blaming it all on me. But I have been the ONLY person in her life who has attempted to give her expectations and consequences and the only person to make 4 appointments with therapists on her behalf -- each time, I was asked to cancel them by my husband.

I just want her gone -- she is 18 and a graduate. Am I asking too much? Haven't I lived up to my end of the bargin? Do I have to continue to deal with her in my home??