Step moms with a biological kid...
Does anyone else ever feel like they would be a better parent to their Biological Kid if you weren't so concerned you have to keep the love equal so the step kids don't feel anger towards you and Jealousy toward your kid?
I feel awful and I have really good step kids and I do love them and give them attention but I really want to give my daughter a lot more attention but can't because it makes the other kids upset. they are ages 6, 4, and 2 and my daughter is 1. The 6 year old seems to understand it pretty alright soaks up the attention while he is getting it then does his own thing for awhile (still has his jealousy moments though), but the 4 year old and 2 year old get jealous the instant my attention diverts from them to my daughter. I don't know what to do I tried to talk through it with my husband and he just thinks I am a horrible person for feeling this way. I am just having a really hard time with it all because the 4 year old just tries to distract me away and takes things I am trying to play with my BD with and I always tell her it isn't nice to take things from people and make her give it back but she continuously does it. And the 2 year that one is the worst part he has literally pushed and shoved BD out of his way to get to me when I am playing with her. Granted 1 year old BD with will whine and push her way through to me if I am not giving her attention too but I am pretty sure she just picked it from the older ones doing it to her. I don't know what to do I am only one person and the age span and skill range is too far apart for me to do much with all of them at once. I just feel like I am being thorn apart between 4 kids and to top it all off I have a husband that moans when are you going to come hang out with me, what's for lunch. What have any of you done to get past this? Or am I really the only one who ever feels this?
- tkerb_08's blog
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The day the skid or DH dares
The day the skid or DH dares to say that I have to love my skid the same as my bio, will be the day that I will say, great! that means BM loves my kid as much as hers, huh?
Do all of the kids live with
Do all of the kids live with you full time?
In my past life, I had a stepdaughter that lived with me. It was very hard on my oldest daughter. She went from being the oldest to the middle child. It was also hard trying to pads on traditions to my own kids because my SD wound up being first in everything because she was now the oldest. There were many things I wanted to just share with my own kids- and I really believe they wound up getting the shitty end of the stick.
I don't really know the right answer to this if all of your stepkids live with you because my SD neede a mother figure in her life. She needed me just as much as mt own kids. her mother basically threw her out when she was 12, put all of her things in a garbage bag, and pretty much disowned her because she looked like her father. My mind told me to give love and attention equally but my heart had a really hard time with it.
My current husband's girls dobr live with us and as much as I can't stand their mother for things she's done directly to me, she is a good mother. Thankfully I didn't have to be a mother figure to them. I can be my husband's wife and like a fun aunt to them.
well The 2 year old lives
well The 2 year old lives with us full time but the 6 yo and 4 yo are with us every weekend. I work 44 hours a week so as it stands all the time I already get with my daughter is basically dinner and bedtime routine which is all right along with my SS2. everytime friday comes I think yay I finally have time to spend with her and finally master the istsy bitsy spider or where her eyes and nose are then I remember well maybe if we can get through the first verse without the 4 year old saying this is stupid I know this already can we play dolls now.
My kids will always come
My kids will always come first, they are the reason for so much of what I do and achieve that the thought of ever having to take from them for someone else's responsibilities will make me a very nasty momma bear. Everything else is second to them and what I need to do as a parent and for myself. As long as I keep on this path and with that in mine everything in my life will make me happy because I did what I have to for my family first. I've already been very upfront about that with SO. However that doesn't mean my kids run my life they are just the drive behind it.
it wasn't about keeping love
it wasn't about keeping love equal, but yeah, i've known for a fact that i've not been the best parent to my kids because i let sd get to me way too much. i was always angry and out of patience because of her, and no doubt my kids paid for it. one of the reasons i disengaged is because i couldn't allow my kids to pay for her attitude in the form of me being on edge all the time anymore.
Haven't read all the
Haven't read all the comments, but my inital reaction is: Wait a minute. You're taking care of 4 kids ages 6 and under and DH wants attention and to know what's for lunch?!? Sounds like you actually have 5 kids on your hands! DH can make lunch (for everyone). He's a big boy.
And secondly, don't be so hard on yourself! It is natural to feel a deeper bond with your bio kids, that is just a fact of life. But more to the point, your BD is only ONE year old!! Any 1 yr old is going to take more of a parent's attention than older kids, even if all the kids are bios. Don't worry so much about giving the kids "equal" attention - they are all at different developmental stages and frankly the 4 yr old needs to be learning how to entertain him/herself for short periods. The 6 yr old sounds like he/she is already doing that, which is good.
Relax, it sounds like you're doing fine!! If anything your DH needs to take a more active role around the house. It's just as much his job as yours to take care of kids, cook, and do chores.