Mixed Emotions
Well, I will try and make this short and you will have to excuse me bc I do not know all the short lingo everyone uses on here yet. I'm hoping to use this site to vent and get some good, honest feedback. My bf of two years got a call this morning from his ex-wife saying their youngest son who is 8 refused to go to school. Apparently the reason is bc he wants the two of them back together and also bc my youngest, 13 and his brother, 12 pick on him when they are with us for the week. Now, obviously I am not naive and yes, it happens. The two middle boys are teenagers, they get along great, same interests, all that stuff. The oldest is 15, mine. He is usually in his own world. The youngest, however, probably does get picked on but I have witnessed on more then one occasion, him starting things with the teenagers and then turning the situation into him being the victim. So I have chalked a lot of it up to boys being boys. My concern is this: is it wrong for me to not whole heartedly believe her and feel that she is possibly putting things into his head? I believe he probably said he gets picked on. Do I think its more the normal? No. Do I think its him getting what he gives? Yea. I dont think he said he wants them back together unless she brought it up. I can completely seeing her saying; "do you wish me and daddy were back together" and it going from there. My ex even told me she was crying and saying how she messed things up. We have issues with his ex. We have had them the entire relationship. Her son doesnt express anything she says to us. In fact yesterday, he wasn't even around my 13 year old for most of the day and his brother had soccer practice which the ex-wife attended and he sat with her the entire time. When we got home he went out with my 13 year old and played basketball for at least an hour with some neighbor kids. No problems. Now this morning he goes to his moms and doesn't want to go to school and all the sudden all of this comes out? I guess I'm just very skeptical bc she also said it all started bc he wanted a ride to school instead of getting on the bus. My first question was well then why didnt she take him to school? She doesn't work. I'm just looking for the best way to handle this. Obviously Im going to talk to my son tonight, thats first, but I feel like my bf needs to do a couple things with his youngest: 1) sit down and find out what the real problem is and not just take vague answers, really get to whats going on bc I have no problems with him, ever and its been 2 years. 2) explain to him that he needs to address us when there are problems in our house. his mom can't do anything other then tell his dad. 3) if them being apart is an issue, he needs to understand that yes, he can feel that way but thats not an option. no amount of lashing out will get me and my kids out of the picture.
Thanks, I hope this all works
Thanks, I hope this all works out too. We plan on both sitting down with them and getting to the bottom of it all. I just have a feeling its going to be one of those, he did it, so I did it and he said it, so I said it…ugh.
I think you have given the
I think you have given the answer yourself here in your last paragraph. Maybe the way to deal with it is by sitting down with both dad and your kids to get to the bottom of this and make sure you are all on the same page. Otherwise, I agree with everythihng that Frieda has said too ^^^^
The more I talk to my bf
The more I talk to my bf about it and the more I think about it, I'm just puzzled bc the issues that are "occuring" dont have anything to do with school and thats what started it this morning, him not wanting to go. Actually, him wanting a ride and her not being willing to do so. Come to find out, shes been giving him rides to school and not making him get on the bus. She just didn't feel like it today. So Im not sure how things went from that to all the issue at our home. I just find it weird that she was crying and feeling guilty about all the mistakes she made and all of this with our home just came out randomly. I think the BM pulls out issues where there isn't any. She has always been able to easily manipulate her youngest. At the beginning of our relationship she had told him at one point he should punch me in my face, along with a good year or so of bashing me as well and my kids. My 13 year old went skating this past Friday and she was there with her boys and my son told me all she did was stare at him the entire time. It's just frustrating bc what do you do? I mean obviously we are going to talk like I previously mentioned but what is to be done with her if she is in fact manipulating him?
What does being picked on by
What does being picked on by your sons have to do with him going to school. Do they go to the same school? Do they ride the same bus? It sounds like he is just making excuses not to go to school.
UPDATE:: OMG!!! So this has
UPDATE:: OMG!!! So this has completely spiraled out of control!! The BM took her son to the police station and claimed her youngest told her that my son, the 13 year old "cupped his balls" and they play this game called "scooping"! I got a call from the trooper and she asked me about this and I said I had no idea what she was talking about. Our kids didn't go around touching each other's private parts! She said it sounded like it was just boys being boys but because of this day and age she now had to go to my oldest son's school and question him and also her oldest son's school and question him. After that she would question my 13 year old with me present if need be. The incident that apparently came up is about two months ago they were all in the room playing video games. My son was under the bed and her youngest was on top. My son had his hand on the mattress reaching for something. Her son scratched his hand then stomped on it with his heel, my son got pissed after asking him to stop and they got into it and my son hit him in his balls. Obviously, we heard the ruckus and immediately went up there and separated them. My son admitted what he did and got punished for it. I had a long talk with him in regards to doing so. We have not had ANY issues since then with any of the kids. I asked my 13 year old what this scooping game was and he said it is with your chest, has NOTHING to do with any private part! When I asked him if he ever "cupped his balls" he looked at me and said, "no, that is weird mom!". OBVIOUSLY! Here is my thing, if I honestly knew that this "cupping" happened and she honestly felt that she needed to do something because she fears for her kids safety, I would whole heartedly support her decision to go to this length. BUT that's not the case. As I stated before, this child knows what to say to get what he wants from her and I in no way blame him. Do I think there is an attention thing going on? ABSOLUTELY! But I put the sole blame on her. I know she sat him down and grilled and griled and grilled him and pulled bits and peices of what he said and made up her own story! He probably doesn't even know what the whole story is anymore. He told the trooper that everythings been fine and there haven't been any problems. She got the same story from the other kids too! She made it abundantly clear that she feels guilty because her and my bf are not together and its her fault. She's made it clear that she had put her crazy cape back on and taken off and will stop at nothing to cause chaos in our family because she is miserable. I feel like I am at such a loss right now. This isn't the first time she has come after my kids. My first instinct is to show up at her door but I can't. I just don't know how to deal with a crazy person and not end up in jail?! THESE ARE MY CHILDREN! When she went after me for two years straight, I can take it, Im an adult. She was gossiping about my 13 year old a year ago and I flew off the handle. We ended up in one counseling together and for a while things were smooth. We were civil, not friends but civil for the kids sake. So she knows that she will get a reaction out of me when it comes to my kids. What hurts is that I know shes going around telling people she thinks my son touched her son inappropriately…THAT HURTS MY HEART! I dont understand the capacity of someone to be malicious to a child. I just dont and I dont know how to handle it. My anger is so built up, Ive been snapping at my bf because at times I feel he's making excuses for his son for even bringing this up because he didn't want to go to school. I can't go through this every time he doesn't want to go to school and decides to throw the other kids under the bus. I just can't do it! OH and the kicker is, it is my bf's custodial week to get the boys and she refused to give them back in fear of their safety! So now we have to file a petition for contempt in court! I just feel sooooo helpless!