I NEED HELP AND ADVICE
Please could someone advise me on the best course of action.
I have been part of a blended family for 5 years now. I have a great relationship and get a lot of love and respect from 2 out of my 3 step children but the third seems to have it in for me. The youngest, at 7 years old is a bit of a problem child, very clever but will not listen to me. He is constantly observed by my other 2 step children, aged 14 and 9, as having a lot of issues following through on the simplest of instructions, and although it seems unfair to say it of such a young child, seems to revel in playing his mum off against me. Sadly enough this works in his favour most of the time. I have noticed that his mum tolerates a lot more from him than she did with the other 2 at the same age and she has admitted a certain amount of favouritism towards him as she had a very difficult labour with him. However I do not believe that this should ever be the case from any parent as i have been on the receiving end of an admition that my sister was the favourite of our step parent. The youngest boy seems to go out of his way to cause distress to the other 2 and to not listen to me and his mum will not react. I have approached the subject on numerous occasions and all I ever get is "They are MY kids, not yours!", this even arrises in front of the youngest child, completely under-mining me and what little authority I have with him. I have tried so hard to become part of the family unit and just seem to hit a brick wall every time the subject of the youngest's behaviour comes up. I dont believe that there is such a thing as a bad child but I do believe that if the poor discipline continues their Mum is just asking for a big problem as time goes on. I am reaching the point where if i cannot find a feasible resolution to this I am going to leave while my sanity is still in tact, this is not an option I take lightly, it has been playing on my mind for a long time now. I suppose the questions I am trying to ask are: how the hell do I tell the mum that if I am not allowed to do anything about his behaviour, at what point will she? what is acceptable and what isnt? am i just better off leaving?
Thank you so much for that
Thank you so much for that takenforgranted (and what an apt name that would be for me). The biggest problem we have is meal times and they dont ever seem to improve, unless its nuggets and chips, he doesnt want to know and make a big point of taking over an hour to eat a plate of food that takes the other 2 less than 20 minutes. Also he makes a big point of staring at me during meal times, i dont know if its just because i am a man but i just want to hit him, anyone who stares at me angers me but i have spoken to him on numerous occasions about it and he still insists on doing it and his mum wont sop the behaviour. I know the entire meal pattern from start to finnish, if it involves fresh vegetables then he will take a long time, ask for a drink that will only bloat him to make him feel temporarily full and then shrug it off and leave the table with the blessing of his mum. Im not trying to say that she is a dead beat but I find that she spends a lot of time withdrawn (on facebook or her nintendo ds) and i feel the need to be the active parent, is that wrong of me?
You are caught between a rock
You are caught between a rock and a hard place because you want to have a positive impact on them by parenting, but she is not allowing it (or doing it herself). So, short of leaving, the only thing you can do is what will keep your frustration at bay. Eat somewhere else. Don't subject yourself to the misery, and enjoy your meal. If she doesn't like it, she can fix the problems. Life is much more simple than we make it out to be sometimes. The problem is that we want everyone to do what we think they should do, and want to figure out how to do that. Sometimes you just have to give yourself what YOU want, which in this case is a peaceful meal. (or whatever else the issue might be...)