Blog Hog Alert--Some Have Asked Why I'm Posting my Old Blogs

Good question. Am I a glutton for punishment? Maybe. But I post them to keep fresh in mind my goal of exiting and not "making it work" with GG which means me sucking it up and putting up with any shit he deals out and that includes physical abuse.

It also stands as a warning for some of you Newbie SMs out there or those who are thinking of being a SM in the near future. I would say that if at ANY time one of your SO's gets as bad as GG, get out early as opposed to later on.

Why am I not following my own advice? At this point I would be in physical danger should I abandon ship now. As I may have stated before, GG drives a workvan around all day and seems to have a sixth sense for when I come back home or take a day off from work. He invariably shows up so if I were to take a day off to make a clean break, his radar goes off and he's back at the house, mean and ready to do harm. I can't tell you the COUNTLESS times I've taken a day off to "surprise" him for his birthday or just take a random day off and he shows up back at the house for no good reason. He's even gone on what were supposed to be overnight business trips and comes flying back home the first night, refusing to stay overnight anywhere. That may come to an end in April as he has to do a two day seminar in Canada.

In addition, I still have a substantial mortgage on the property I foolishly bought for the sake of him "being closer to his kids" (TM) and I'm not keen on starting all over again from a work-related bankruptcy 12 years ago.

Auteur's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

would i be right in guessing

would i be right in guessing that his reason for becoming furious and physical with you at the thought of you leaving his ass is because if you leave, so does his income, his utilities being paid, groceries in the house, etc?

EXactly. And to do the

EXactly. And to do the "control" thing he always blabs about me not "doing my share" and how he is SOOOO much more contributing to this "relationship" than I am. Yeah I believe that. Since he has a problem with the hooch, I'm going back to my old "co-dependent" talk.

"Sorry you feel that way"
"I'll think about that and get back to you"
"You may have a point"

And other crap that doesn't keep the fire going.

Auteur.... I have been

Auteur....

I have been following you for a few years now. I know where you are coming from. My late DH was that was to a point....he wasn't physiclly abusive but 'if you leave me, you better leave the Earth' was his favorite thing to say. It wasn't to the point of what you are going thru, but I was miserable none the less.

I hate to say this but when he passed away from cancer, I felt the most freedom I had had in years. I don't talk badly and I keep that locked away in my heart b/c that WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN.