Lately I been thinking about all the effort I have put into SK, and how terrible the whole situation has turned out the past 6 years.

How no matter what I have done or tryed they have completely dis- respected me and their father. The one SS19 who did have anything to do with me turned on me really for no apparent reason ( all over required chores).

I went from trying hard all this time to..I can't stand any of them now, and I feel bad because of it.
Its the way they treat their father, its the way they treat me, the nasty text if BF isn't puckering up like he use too.

I kinda feel guilty feeling this way, I never tryed to take the place of their mother..I only tryed to be a good and decent person.
I was always considerate over their feelings, I had their backs but they have never got rid of that " F-you addittude,"

And any relationship I struggled to maintain BM and her 3 older kids from a previous marriage managed to ruin.

They got called traders and so forth, or would be told you want to be like SM ( which that I knew was a jealousey issues), the hits were none stop.
I guess I am angry, I am bitter and when I think about all of it-it just grinds my rear.

Like always, they all returned back to live with BM one by one cuz of the guult trips, we receive no phone calls on any certain day let alone a Holiday.
I feel deceived, and I been thinking about HOW I would handle any of one them if they wanted to come back around in the near future?

I do not want to be emotionally close to any of them, I do not want to put my feelings in a compromizing position anymore, INFACT I am tired of the roller coaster period of the past 6 1/2 years.

I HONESTLY, want to remain invisable to them period and vise versa because of the bullcrap that NEVER seems to change.
Its just like now, SS19 got mad at me ( over chores) and left which is fine, BF was getting tired of him being lazy and not wanting to be productive or handle his business, basicly BF calls hm a bumb, SS19 has been out for some time now but he continues to maintain a relationship with his BF outside of having to deal with me..in which...I was REALLY good to SS19 and I feel honestly used and lied to, of all things I did for him I still can't get over how he told BF he does NOT respect me???

Any advice??? it has been knda playing on my mind, I have not discussed any of this with BF as really to talk about any of them is a sore and hurtful subject to him, but I need some perspective here because I know how the roller coaster rides !!

And I need to mentally prepare myself for the day that will eventually arrive.

Sorry so long..but I needed to let this out.
Thank you!