Help
I just signed onto this blog and not sure if anyone will see me. I am a step mom to an 8 year old boy. I have been his step mom over 4 years now and from day one I have had the issue of him going through times of thinking I am not nice to him. He says I'm rude, I ignore him, and I am not loving to his bio mom. The funny thing is I think we have a good relationship. He is not an affectionate kid and so I tend to not be as affectionate with him and wait for his signals. Nothing worse than giving a child a hug who tells you not to and pulls away. However, there are many many times when we are very affecitonate. He will sit on my lap and I will stroke his head. I think things are great and BAM! His bio mom freaks out on us and wants to know what I am going to do to be nicer to her son. It is so infuriating. Not only HER, but why does he do this? It causes doubt on my husband's part with me and I feel my self feeling resentment for my step son. Has anyone experienced this? What do I say to my step son that I already haven't?
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Oh yes, I have been there....
It seems that no matter how much we try and give to our stepkids, we will never get the appreciation for it that we should. First of all, give up on it from BM. She will never believe that you put your best effort forward with her son, she will never give you any credit. You are the stepmom after all, the replacement in her exe's life, she will never give you any credit. So don't drive yourself crazy on that one. As for the SS, it sounds like he may just be a bit confused. He feels good things for you, but hesitates because he doesn't want to feel like he is double crossing his mom. This can be a difficult scenario for a kid. His own conflicting feelings are probably confusing to him, and so he blames them on you. Not fair I know, but probably not malicious, especially if there are times that he cuddles with you and you feel very close. As for your husband, this is where you should expect support. He needs to understand how hard you try with his son, and what a difficult position you are in, caring for a child who is fickle, and being attacked by his mother for being cold. Speak with him about how you feel, and how hard you try. You are going to need his support to deal with being a stepparent indefinitely.
Hope that helps a litte bit! Best of luck
I would bet
he struggles with feeling guilt about having feelings for you. He probably feels he his being disloyal to her by loving you. I am sure she creates this, given she seems to discuss the your relationship with him already. Our twin boys have done the same thing. Moreso when she's around, I don't exist...neither does their Dad. It's really sad.
I'd say if it was the opposite, and he couldn't stop gushing about your relationship, you'd here it from her in a different way. If you feel confident in your love and care for him...try not to let anyone question it.
Another thought, as your relationship grows together you may not see an increase in affection. My stepsons are 8 and the affection thing is declining. I think it's partially age and being a boy.