History: Father of BS17 and BD13 and FSD15. FDW and I have been engaged for almost a year, but I have spent 9 of those months deployed to Afghanistan. My issue is with DS who is a very narcissistic, self entitled, rude, elitist child. He has extreme anger issues. He has had one job that lasted one week and he lied about why he was fired. Decided he did not like working weekends so told the boss he was not going to which was the main reason he was hired. Now my DD works for my FDW at a home pre-school for the past 6 months. She was very similar to my son, but has greatly improved with the firm hand of my FDW. She has a much more strict parenting style then I do, and for which she has been helping me stop being a typical Disney dad to a real parent.
Well this weekend was Veteran’s day holiday. DD goes to public school so has the day off. DS goes to an elitist private school. As an example when the majority of his friends turned 16 they all got new cars, BMW, Audi, etc.. So he was wondering why I did not buy him a car, because you have not earned it. At that point he had never had a job. So while I was deployed his mother gave him one. On the condition he has a part time job. As above you see he only worked one week and since not even looking for work. Ok back to issue. He was allowed to have a group of friends over Friday afternoon to Saturday evening. During this time my FDW and I spend the entire 2 days doing yard work around the house since nothing had been done while I was deployed and house stood empty. So after friends leave no thank you or even help cleaning up from the Golden Boy. DD did help. Sunday both received their chore list. DD hopped right to the list and was done within 2 hours. I did find an area where she had forgotten and when informed about it again she was Johnny on the spot. As for DS his list was longer and more extensive because I was also paying him for the extra effort. He wants gas money and money for other things therefore he has to earn them. I got 4.5 hours of work out of him, but constant complaining. Gripping about why he has to work longer then DD (he is getting paid), and just poor attitude. Also come to find out on Thursday on his way to school he was caught doing 45 mph in a school 25mph zone. He waited until Sunday to tell me. So that evening FDW and I were cooking dinner and got into a discussion about how poorly I and my ex parenting skills are. Well DS comes busting into the room and states we cannot insult BM and proceeds to get his stuff to leave with DD. As he is leaving he starts insulting FDW for which I just throw him out of the house. I then pull DD back to have a quick word. Next thing my FDW is out the door and DS gets in her face. He chest bumps her, she pushes back and then he tackles her. I am about 4 seconds too late to stop the tackle, but grab him and throw him off. Then proceed to tell him he is no long welcome here until he can change is behavior.
He has done this to me twice before and I had taken him a few counseling sessions for this prior to deployment, but BM did not think it was important so never took him again. Well FDW decided not to call the police, but is extremely shook up by this. I am just ready to write him off, but feel extremely guilty by not being a better parent earlier. I have told my ex that I am suspending my visitations with him until he changes. Now she told him that I was abandoning him. Nice right and of course BM and DS blame FDW for all of this. Also my fear is now for DD who has made great progress with association with FDW but BM has banned her from having any interaction with FDW. So was wondering am I out of touch or is this a case of BM enabling DS who is a totally out of control teenager? Sorry for it being so long. Thank you