Just dont know how to handle this
I've been a sm since 2001. At that time I became a custodial sm and was until 2008. My ss is now 11. while a custodial sm, I was his primary parent. My dh worked out of town-home only on weekends and also had a year plus deployment in that time as well. BM took him eow. As ss grew older he decided that he hated me and would do anything to go live with his mom. Eventually, he pretended he was psychotic and developed a plan to kill my son. He also stole my panties and bras for years and in 4th grade he took them to school to show his classmates. He moved out shortly after this-right before my dh's second deployment. While dh was deployed either myself, or one of my 3 kids, attempted to call ss almost weekly, however he rarely answered or returned calls-when we did get him on the phone he was typically rude.
Dh came home in fall of 2008 and ss resumed eow visits with us. SS acts as if i dont exist. Literally. he can stay a week with us and not initiate one single word to me. He is typically extremely talkative to everyone else (he has adhd). Recently it has gotten even worse. He used to at least respond to him if I directly spoke to him; however, recently he has taken just to walking off in the middle of my sentences and refusing to speak to me. He is a very smart young man and does not do this in front of my dh-however, he does avoid and ignore me in general in front of dh. If I ask ANYTHING of him or deny him something he wants, he will "tell" on me.
Dh has had repeated conversations with him about this-every couple of months or so I sit him down and tell him I would really like to have a relationship with him. I still do little things for him (although not nearly like I do with my kids)but if I buy them something, I buy it for him too (he will thank his dad if I buy him something and hand it to him)I do his laundry while he is here, pick up after him, and treat him with general kindness. I have not even raised my voice to this child in over 2 and a half years. I dont punish him-with the exception of sending him to his room 3 times in the past 18 months for screaming at me.
Sorry this is so long but I am at my wits end!
She is to a degree.
She is to a degree. However, I am going to actually defend her here. My ss has a lot of behavioral problems and spent many years making up crazy stories about me (in order to get sympathy and attention from her)-likewise he made up all kinds of stories about her and told dh and I. For years, we all blamed each other for ss's problems. I caught on probably 3 years ago to what he was doing while she has just realized it more recently. She actually apologized a few months back for blaming me at all and said she realizes that ss owns his own problems. She no longer says anything negative about me and has told ss that she was wrong about me and was only making judgments about me according to things he was making up.
This happened to us too. My
This happened to us too. My SS is 9. We put him in therapy and now we go to family therapy. DH has full custody. For the first 3 years, I was the parent. DH would work all of the time and I had SS more than anyone. BM didn't see SS much. SS turned hateful towards me because I was doing the things he wished his mother would do. I have disengaged and its gotten better. Has anyone tried to put SS11 in counseling?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Yes, ss is in therapy now-he
Yes, ss is in therapy now-he has seen a psychiatrist since he has been 7 as well. I have disengaged-and started disengaging about 3 years ago-nothing has gotten better instead it seems to conintually get worse. I do feel like he was resentful toward me because he wanted his bm-but he has her now and has had for almost 3 years. By the way, he now treats her the way he treated me-constantly screaming at her, talking back, lying, etc-I guess I shouldn't complain-he just ignores me!