feeling blessed!
now that I have realize I am BLESSED to have the situation I have well right now me and BM arent talkin everything goes through my DH. WHICH is how it should be but that doesnt mean I cant work on my relationship with BM but the question is HOW? me and her have been through it over and over but after being on here granted it's only been not even a full 24 hours this site has been therapy to my soul and for that I am very thankful. I have a new outlook and my mission is what most SM would consider the IMPOSSIBLE! TEAMWORK! DETERMINATION! So how should I start it off call? text? or email? and what to say or where to begining? let me know what you think?
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1. i do except that she is
1. i do except that she is who she is and she hasnt ever said that she is isnt ok with me being a motherly figure to her kids. she wish she could be around more but work and having to make money to survive limits her. just because we have had it out does mean it cant be mended.
2. my DH does deal with her I just want me and her to be civil for the kids sake there is nothing wrong with that.
3. I do focus all my attention on home. I just want the kids to have happy and healthy relationships and want them to know that we are all on a team and not against eachother and I do love DH and communicate honestly and without aggression.
What you want and what you
What you want and what you get ared more often than not 2 different things.
This woman can say whatever she wants to your face and you will roll over like an over excited puppy and take whatever she offers.
DHs ex has never told me she doesn't want me in my s/sons lives. But I get the message loud and clear, we will never be friends. If anything we would aknowledge that we both care for the same kids.
Kids learn more from seeing someone who manages to avoid confrontation and heartache in a sensible mature way than playing Happy Families for the sake of the kids. If there is an undercurrent of resentment or dislike from ANY adult the kids will pick up on it and wonder why no one tells the truth.
But... if you wish to co-parent with the woman until she tells to to f*** off out of her life I would start with baby steps. Sometimes the BM here is right on the button and I have no problems about telling the kids so. Sometimes she is off the planet and I tell the boys "She is your mother, not mine. So in her house she makes the rules just like your Dad and I do here. When you 2 have a house you can run it your way. But for now, this is the way things are."
Although forcing the issue makes me wonder if you have watched too many episodes of Sister Wives.
I'm not forcing the issue
I'm not forcing the issue just want some input.
Ask for her advise on
Ask for her advise on something small that has to do with the kids and that might open a dialog.
thank you
thank you