Good morning to all!
After a blow out weekend I am starting to wonder exactly how do you get people to understand? I have 2 daughters of my own (11 & 15) and the s.o. has 3 daughters (13,16,&17). The oldest stopped coming over a year ago because she claims her father doesn't love her and he is at fault for all that has gone wrong in her life. She refuses to talk to him but will happily text msg every few months and tell him she's going to kill herself, at which time we contact their local sheriff to find her.(The last time was Aug and their mother had left on tuesday for some type of festival and had left the oldest home alone was unable to be contacted by us or the sheriff) The middle daughter hasn't been her since September and won't come back since we have put our foot down to spending all wknd on her cell phone, in her bedroom, instead of being involved while she is her. She told my oldest that she won't come back if she can't have her phone. We tried almost a year ago to explain to her that spending all wknd on her phone wasn't spending time with her father or anyone else here. My kids also have cell phones but know the rules. They live with them everyday. No phone at school, homework and chores first, and then phone. Phones off by 9 for youngest 10 for oldest and 11 on weekend for both. Phones not allowed during family time or functions. Does this sound out of line? She has gone through my oldest daughters phone to get the number to my daughter's boyfriend so that she could text him too. Broke my daughters trust.
The youngest has increasingly become more and more angery. She has on numerous occassions called my youngest a f'in 'B' as well as myself. When she gets to our house she goes in her room or hides outside until she leaves. She claims her grandparents hates all of them because they say something when they don't like their behavior. Isn't that what parents/grandparents do? Well this weekend the only one that came was his youngest. My kids went to their grandparents because they dont want to be here when his kids are here. They have had enough of being treated like dirt. Anyways, we took his youngest out for supper Sat night. She was telling us about her babysitting nd how her sister told her she couldn't babysit these kids because they are her kids to watch. I asked if she had taken a babysitting class and she said no her mom was suppose to sign her up this past summer but didn't. I told her my youngest was taking a class the next time she came and if she wanted to take the class we would happily sign her up and she could go with her. Nope she didn't want to do that. Thats when her dad unloaded. He called her on all the lies she had been telling, on her attitude, on her unwillingness to be approached, the whole mess flew everywhere. She got up and stormed into the womens bathroom. I gave her a minute and went in after her. I tried to explain to her that we do love them, we don't like their attitudes, but to them there is not difference. I told her I can't stand watching her treat her dad like dirt, herself like dirt, nor me and my kids. I reminded her that actions speak louder than words and she was the one that called us all f'in B's. I told her to getto the table and when we got there she said she wanted to go home. When we got back to the house her dad called her BM and gave her her the phone. She then tried to give him back the phone cuz her 'Mama' wanted to talk to him and he told her no you tell her why she's comin home. She told her mom that I called her a F'in B. I didn't, I had told her she was actin like a snot. She was by now screamin at me and I yelled back. Her mother claims she has this all recorded. My s.o. also had a few more rounds with her after she hung up with her mom and before thay left. Again revisiting the name calling, the attitudes, the lies, and the in general disrespect for all involved. I spoke with her before she left, she had clamed down a bit. I reminded her that I do love her, and want her here but I don't like the attitude. On sunday the bm called to tell us thay wouldn't be coming back because they are not accustomed to being talked to in the manner of which I had spoken to them. I'm a no nonsense person. I get right to the point and make no bones about it. If I see something I thin is wrong i don't usually hesitate to say something. I give it to you straight and expect the same in return. I hold you accountable for you actions. They however live with someone who does not do that. There bm is living with one man while still married to another, this has been going on for 4 years. Has told her children that she has the papers but she has neglected to tell them they are not filed. She has told her kids lie after lie and when they repeat them to us we show them the proof that what she is saying is a lie but that only backfires to us being the liars. What do you do? I have said i will move out or will not be here on the weekends that they are here. My s.o. is not okay with this and says he will move out and then noone will have him. Not us and not them. He will just move away. This is not what I want for any of us. Do we call a family meeting and lay t all on the line? The last time this happened his kids had to eat crow for all the lies thay had told their mom. I feel like i'm standing in the middle of the abyss wth no way out. Anyone have any ideas? Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation and if so what do you do? Thank you for being such a great sounding board!