and yes, i am a stepmom too
I am Stepmom to 16 year old girl.
DH found out about SD when she was 3. Unfortunately, it has been a strained relationship all along because BM has never really encouraged DH and SD to have a healthy, loving relationship. Up until a year ago, she lived 4 hours away. Whenever DH would want to see his daughtr, he would have to drive 4 hours to get her, 4 hours, home and then at the end of the weekend, drive 4 hours to bring her back and then he would drive 4 hours home.
According to the custody papers, BM is supposed to pay for half of these travel costs--but whenever DH has asked--she never had the money. Crazy because she was getting his cs, cs for another kid and she made more money that DH.
then I came into the picture about two years ago. We also went through hurricane katrina. I lost everything, DH faired well, but we both relaized that our relationship was serious and that the mental and emotional toll of the devastation was worse than we could have ever imagined.
we were offered jobs in texas making a lot more money and away from the hurricanes. my ex and I were able to amicably work out custody, visitation, etc. DH adjusted his cs to reflect his new salary so BM was getting almost $200 more a month. And he would go spend the weekend visiting SD.
Apparantly, this was not good enough for BM, she has told people that DH abandoned his daughter. I find this hard to believe as SD has never lived with DH (although we would love her too). She has sole custody--he has no rights. Bt, he pays for a cell phone for SD, talks to her every day, we see her as much as we can, etc
Why is it that my ex and I can work out whatever details we need to, but this crazy bitch, just wants more money, doesn't want SD to come here to visit--DH and I can only go there. The woman it crazy.
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Again I totally understand
Again I totally understand what you are saying. I am in the same situation. My ex and I get along really well and agree on almost everything. But my H's ex takes us to court every 2 years requesting full custody and more money. I guess it's greed and jealousy. I don't understand why everyone can't get along for the sake of our children.
This all sounds so familiar
Your story sounds so much like ours. DH found out about his daughter (will be 18 in Jan) when she was 2 and BM has always made that an issue between the 2 of them. They too have always had a strained relationship. We live an hour and a half from them, and DH always drove up there every other Friday to get her and then again every other Sunday to drop her off. BM is supposed to meet him half way both times or come to pick her up on Sundays, but that has never happened b/c she is broke (too, she gets the support money). She has come to live with him on 2 different occasions. Both times, she has gone up there for a visit and not come back. Said that she is too much of a mama's girl to live with dad. This second time was just this past January and she moved out in March. The entire time she lived with us, she would talk to her mom on the phone for hours and just go on and on about how bad things had gotten for them (bm and family) since she left. They didn't have any money and her step-brother and sister were lost without her. We know it is ALL about the money!!! I am not a mother myself, but I don't understand how you could constantly make your kids be in the middle of everything. They did not ask to be here. Since SD moved back with her mom back in March, DH has only talked to her on 2 occasions. The letter she left when she moved back stated that she would call when she was ready to talk about her leaving. (oh yea, this past time, the day her mom was to bring her home, she called and said that she was sick and didn't think she could make the drive home, so she would come home on Monday, well, while we were at work, her mom drover her down, checked her out of school, and helped her pack her stuff and moved out without telling us, we found out when we got home and read the letter she left). Anyway, he has only talked to her 2 times. Both times were not because she wanted to, but because other people in DH family called her and put him on the phone. She does talk to her step-sister, and she tells her that DH has deserted her and that he does not care about her anymore. I know that is what her mom is pumping into her head. They have her so brain washed up there it is not funny. I know the only reason she moved back was so that BM could start getting child support again (which she paid none of both times SD lived with us). It is all about the money and how they can get it without earning it. It is like their child is like a money ticket and they will use it as much as they can till it expires. Sorry so long!
Not only a money ticket.....
but also anything to do with making our lives hell! We always know when BM's life is unhappy because she'll take it out on us! Stupid stuff like taking us to court for a change in primary insurance, when our insurance is awesome, a small co pay then everything's covered at 100%,even hospital! But it's always something, so now we seem to give her things to take us to court over now. Like we don't beleive my 8yr old SD should have braces and she want's to take us to court for the fourth time, so we'll pay for them!!!!!!!!! Oh and she did hike up the CS the last time, even though she doesn't have to work because her new husband, makes three times our annual salary!!! So yes money ticket and anything to make our lives miserable! I think she sits around all day, because all the kids are in school, and thinks about how she can torture us today! It tics me off that she can get away with stuff like this and it seems like every BM, like yours is this way!