Not to be a jerk, but what mother has to call and ask what time her kid's lunch is? Seriously, if she were more involved she would know stuff like that. I can't say I blame you for not telling her. Rhinestone cowboy moms don't get much respect from me.

Nice one! I am sooooooo pleased DH stepped up for you too. Love it! Hehehehehe just wait until her dumbass realizes what happened, better yet that you do not give a sh1t! Kudos!

That was great...I know she was trying, but honestly she should know more about his school. I spent all day yesterday with my blog on this same issue at the 8th grade level. BM is suddenly now trying to be a mom and volunteer at school. Now, I am being blasted for re-engaging and doing stuff for him that he asked me to do.

That is not cool. Your SS BM has not stepped up to parent, but wants to just swoop in and do all the fun stuff :? I am glad your DH stood up for you and SS. Those moments are priceless. My adult kids remember times like those to this day and how happy they felt. I was lucky because my kids SM and I used to coordinate them together and we both showed up. The kids loved it!!

I commend you on your love and care for your SS. I too had, and I stress, HAD the primary care-giving role for my SD since she was 2, and is now 12. So with that being said, it is obvious that you love your SS and I assume would want the best for him. You don't have to be defensive, but consider this food for thought. His mom, regardless of what she does or doesn't do to meet his basic or emotional needs, is STILL his mother. If she reaches out to him and wants to bring him a cake she should still be respected as his mother and have the right to do so. Establishing, maintaining, and fostering a relationship with his BM is essential to his overall well being. If it doesn't result in a "fairy tale" mother/son relationship then that will be on her (and him). If you and your hubby meddle in that it will only end in your SS resenting you (maybe hubby too, but likely not). It is not fair and being a SM is a thankless and ugly job, even when the best of intentions are at heart. Trust me, I learned this the hard way and do not want you or your SS (or hubby) to go that road.

As his parent, YOU have to be self-sacrificing and often have to love him through avenues that he will not yet understand or appreciate. With my own children I can discipline them and teach them life lessons and for those who don't like how or when I do it can get bent. Sadly, as stepparents we aren't allowed this luxury. We are the first to be criticized, the first to bear the burden of "making their life better" and the first to have the finger in your face if there issues with the child. We are the scapegoats for the biological parents and children. We get the crap that the bioparents don't want or have to do because we love kids too much not to. We give them the baths, buy clothes, fix the food, help with homework, tend to their ailments, and then BAM because you are not the biological parent you do not have an independent say in how to parent them without blessing from the "real" parents.

I know in my heart of hearts that my children love me unconditionally and although I may not always be their favorite person in the world, that is not what God intended me to be. He didn't send me these wonderful children to be their friend, he sent them to me because he trusted that I would parent them and teach them how to be virtuous, moral adults. In time, as they mature and are able to comprehend what it means to be a parent and can see how the lessons you taught them have molded them into who they are your efforts will be appreciated and praised. In the rare case that you aren't praised and thanked, you will know deep down that you loved them without regard to your own selfish interests and feelings. You are the Angel of the House, giving your all so that your children can prosper. It comes at a high cost and determining how far you will go for the sake of your stepchild is essential to define because without that your relationship(s) within the family WILL be destroyed! I can guarantee you that issues will arise and fights will ensue, so it is best that you arm and prepare yourself now for the battles ahead. I have yet to hear of a stepfamily that didn't or doesn't have resentments, arguments, and conflict amongst the dimensions of his, mine, and ours.