Ashamed to call myself a mother
The dog has made some issues come up between the kids. Ss is refusing to share the dog with the other kids. He is only letting them play with the dog 30 minutes at the most then he takes her into his room. My Dh tried talking to Ss about it and Ss's response was that he did not want the dog to love my kids more than him, just like everyone else. He is very insecure so we thought we would give Ss some time alone with the dog and see that she will not leave him. After a few weeks we will make him share the dog more.
And I have very little sympathy for my children. They have proven time and time again that they have no responsibility. They got fish and a hamster and both times I was doing all the work. And this was just a few months ago. So getting them their own dog is out of the question. We explained the situation to them and told them they have to wait. Until now, I always thought my kids were very understanding about Ss's situation. They do not know about the abuse but they do know he has emotional issues.
While I work from home, I use a baby monitor to keep an ear on my kids. School starts next week so they are at home. I have to admit that I also use the baby monitor to make sure Ss will not do anything when he is alone with my kids. I know people may judge me but I absolutely do not want another victim in my family. While I was coming back from the washroom, I heard my twin boys and my daughter making fun of Ss.
I heard them call him very mean names. And they were making fun of the fact that Ss has no friends and he never goes to parties like them. But the meanest thing I heard them say was saying they do not even like Ss. All of this was being insitgated by my daughter and my sons were tagging along. I immediately went down and made my kids go to their rooms. Ss was crying and went back into his room. The little dog followed him in.
I am embarrased, angry and upset at my children. Especially at my daughter. They looked terrified when they saw my face and they should be. I went to them separately and yelled at the kids for a good 10 mins each. They cried and that usually softens me up but it sure as hell did not work this time. Then I made them write a page long apology note to Ss. I also gave them a "project" that involves making a collage of why bullying is bad. They are also grounded for a week. I found out that they have been teasing and bullying Ss for a while now. They told me they would do it when I would not be able to hear them. I got all this information from the boys. I think I am this upset because I know what can bullying can do to a child through Ss. My only solace till now was that Ss was safe at home. But I was not even able to provide that for him 
I wish Ss would defend himself. He just stands and takes it. We have tried and tried to make him defend himself. He is 14, my daughter is 11 and my sons are 7. They are so much younger. I do not want them fighting but if my kids are dishing it out, they should be able to take it. Was my punishment enough? Or should I add something else. I am so pissed. When my Dh finds out he is going to blow his top. I am not looking forward to telling him. He will be back today. I feel like I failed as a mother.
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Kids are kids. I don't mean
Kids are kids. I don't mean to brush it under the rug by any means. I'm only saying that they live what they learn. I'm sure they've witnessed other kids making fun of SS or of other kids at school, etc.
They absolutely must be corrected, as bullying is becoming more & more of a problem. What I'm saying is that your kids making fun & calling names doesn't make you a bad mother. If you were a bad mother, you'd have brushed it off & let it go.
I think the project is a good idea. In fact, it wouldn't be a bad idea for every child in school to do one, for the problem it has become.
From what you've posted previously, about SS's violent behavior, maybe he doesn't defend himself because he is aware that when he does he loses control or something. If they weren't physically bullying him, walking away is his best defense.
Your DH has no right to "blow his top" over this. For the patience you've had with his son, & the issues you & your children have faced with him, your DH should be able to look at this as another "growing pain" in your family.
Everyone in your home is affected by each person...your children included. They can't be expected to be perfect anymore than your SS can be. There is a lot going on in your home. Hopefully your children will understand that you're serious about the bullying & picking & they'll think twice before they do it again.
On another note, things are still going well between your SS & the dog? Do you see a change in his attitude & behavior since he's had it?
I would like to out it under
I would like to out it under kids being kids but they were being so mean. Hopefully this punishment sinks in. I know my Dh will get angry. He is more easy going on them than I am but I know this will make him very angry. Maybe seeing him get angry at them will make the lesson sink in better. I do not expect my kids to be perfect. I know they aren't. We have a lot of issues other parents have. But I do want them to be kind. I have absolutely zero tolerance for bullying. It has made healing for Ss very difficult. I always thought that despite my mistakes, I have raised my children to be kind. Apparently I was very wrong
The dog has been great. She needs to be taken out for potty breaks so my Ss has no excuses for lying in bed all day. And once in a while I hear him giggling and laughing through the door. My Dh and I were in a little euphoric state until this whole mess with my kids. Ss is pretty quiet in his room again. They just finished the apology notes. I found them acceptable. The one my daughter wrote really looked like she fwlt bad. I put them under Ss's door. Hopefully they will make him feel better.
I wasn't meaning to "out" it
I wasn't meaning to "out" it under that statement. Perhaps I should've phrased it differently. I get ill when I hear people brush things off with "Boys will be boys" or something similar. I wasn't meaning to brush it off. I only mean that children don't learn everything the first time they're told. A lot of kids go through things like this & are punished for it & that's how they learn. I'm sure you've taught them to be kind & they know right from wrong. I meant it as an explanation rather than an excuse. Kids do mean things. I believe ALL kids do mean things at some point. Some of them are punished & corrected & learn from the consequences. I think you handled it well, & I think the punishment & correction you've applied will help them understand how serious their actions were.
Oops, I spelt put as out.
Oops, I spelt put as out. Sorry. Yes, I knew what you were saying. I think I feel this bad because I have told them time and time again, you should never make fun of others. But I appreciate that you think I handled it well. I gave them a week of grounding to give them time to work on the "project". I am sure they hate that they are being punished in the last week of holidays.
Sounds like you handled it
Sounds like you handled it well. I hope you got through to them.
But honestly, if I were your husband I would consider moving out to an apt where he can give that kid the attention and love that he needs. Kids are mean, we know that, but this young man has been through hell and he needs a safe place. Did you tell your husband what happened? What was his reaction to your children's behavior?
I did not tell him yet. He is
I did not tell him yet. He is coming back from a overnight trip today. He will be angry for sure. My twin sons are my Dh's too. And he has adopted my daughter. So he can't really leave. And he needs me to look after Ss too. He needs to be with us.
I don't think you've failed
I don't think you've failed as a mother. No one can correct a problem they don't know exists. Now you are aware and are dealing with it. As for punishment, I think it should get the message accross; however, I would, personally, probably back off the dog sharing. I wouldn't want to share my crayons with other kids who regularly made fun of me, much less the only creature in the world I felt loved me. As a parent, I would frame this to kids in such a way as to make them understand that there are punishments which are measures orchestrated by parents to modify bad behavior, and then there are natural consequences which happen without orchestration as a direct result of bad behavior. In this situation, the letter, project, and grounding are all part of their punishment; the fact that SS chooses not to share his dog with his tormentors is a natural consequence. They will have to earn back SS's trust should they ever want to be able to play with his dog (or anything else of his, for that matter).
Thanks for the comforting
Thanks for the comforting words. I agree, I would not force Ss to share the dog after this either. But he has to overcome his insecurities. He has to learn to share relationships. We do not want him to become possesive of the dog.
I think you did a great job.
I think you did a great job. I wish there was a like button. I would have dished out the same kind of punishment. You are a good mom because you are teaching your kids that bullying is not acceptable. I commend you for that. It is hard to live in a blended family. Take it day by day and good luck with your husband.
Praying, my heart just breaks
Praying, my heart just breaks for you.
First, you should NOT be ashamed to call yourself a mother. If you had ignored what your kids did, then you could. But you stepped up and took care of it. It always hurts as a parent to see our kids fall short of who we think they are. A little dose of reality, and BAM! Discipline. Way to go!
I hope you don't make SS share his dog. It sounds like he's really bonded to the dog and wants it to be "his." I think that's ok in this situation. I was just reading an article this morning that talked of how dogs "force" their owners to socialize. Dogs just love attention, and people tend to flock to them.
Can you maybe talk to SS and ask him to let you know if your kids are bugging him again? He probably won't want to rat them out...
Ugh, good luck. Your story just breaks my heart. Best wishes.
This world needs more mom's
This world needs more mom's like you. All children need to be confronted when caught being cruel to others. And they need to learn how to extend an apology when they have done wrong. For some reason there are so many kids now days that do not know how or just will not apologize.