Well,

Let me start of by saying I'm so happy I found other STalkers in here to help me feel a lot more sane. Like the majority of you, BM is a complete waste of air and space. She up and left to have multiple affairs leaving DH's family questioning whether the 3 kids were really his. Anyway, they got divorced and I came into the picture. My parents divorced when I was young so I knew what to expect. I sat down and had an adult talk with BM about the kids not playing the 3(4 if you consider the *ahem* gentlemnan she was running around with at the time) of us and the gap between houses. She left crying. Why? I have no idea. Not even she did. So anyway, fast forward a couple months to where I'm living in the house with my soon to be DH. She finds out one day DH is sick from work and brings the kids to the door. When DH steps out to have a talk with her about not treating me as a babysitter for their kids, she turns and tells him that what he has is prolly an STD and he should get that checked. Funny part is, she dropped off laundry for ME to do.

AAANNNNYYYYWAYYYYY....yeah BM is a total wack job.

DH and I went through the process of getting me to the US (I'm a canadian) and I finally got all the paperwork done needed to be here. Moved to be with him and soon after, she dumps SS7 AND SS12 on us, saying I don't have anywhere to stay. DH and I talk about it and agree, the boys will not leave our house. SD13 stayed with BM because she didnt like having rules. Well the lack of rules got SD into HUGE trouble when it came to light that she was out with drug using sex offending men. SD was placed with us by child services as per the divorce agreement (DH has full physical custody). Let me tell you that time period was ROUGH. SD hated me and everything I stood for.

Fast forward another few months. We move states in order to better provide for the Skids and be closer to family. SD gets so mad, she stirs up anything she can before we leave to the point DH wanted to have her stay with BM. To top it all of, we find out I'm expecting. It's my biofirst so naturally I'm excited. Everyone keeps talking about the idea of it being a girl. SD does not like that idea. SD keeps telling her aunt (DH sis) that she knows DH and BM love each other and BM is so much prettier etc. etc.

Yes it does hurt, as I am already terrified that DH silently compares things I don't do to things BM did. But, how can I let a 13yr old hurt me? So, we try the "maybe she just needs her daddy" idea. No go. Then she wants to pull the ..baby cant have this, cant have that cant blah blah....so DH reminds her that the baby will be her bro or sis. She spits out that it will only be her half-sibling. DH says fine but that it wont be his "half" son or daughter and she cant tell him not to love it.

YAY!

DH tries to appease her after, when she gets nice, but she has learned her manipulation skills from BM. She's a solid expert. She doesn't want me involved in discipline with her, does not want her dad to have a pic of me on his computer, expects me to separately take care of her clothes, and suggests that when baby is born, SHE will be taking care of it instead of doing chores around the house. She's even told me that I "better not be breastfeeding around the house because that's nasty"

*sighs*

She wants to live with BM. BM wants her back and right now, DH and I are the only things that stand in their way. I can't handle the stress. SS7 and SS12 both love me to death and sometimes opt to call me their favorite mom. But SD is a flip flop. One day she loves being around me and asking for advice. Borrows my clothes and the next, wants to spew venom in my face. Thing is, am I expecting too much of her? I mean, shes 13 going on 14. She's got a lot that she's had to deal with on top of growing up, but I feel like if she could, she would get rid of me. Aunt thinks that she wants her parents back together, but I know she doesn't. She enjoys the distance between so she can cause what she wants. I just don't know what to do. It's like keeping her here, she fights us on our ways of raising her, talks with BM everyday several times a day and won't stop talking about moving back to be with BM as soon as she's old enough. She's called her brothers traitors for not wanting to leave and loving living with DH and me. I love her. I love all 3 of them. But part of this job I guess entails letting them cut your heart right out of you. There are times I wish she WERE with BM even though I know she will end up going astray if she does. If she lived with BM and I have a girl, I would never be able to forgive myself.

DH is just as confused. He knows she tries to take him away from me and the boys. He knows what she is capable of. He just doesn't know how to correct it. Discipline? Yelling? Long talks? We've tried so many ways. I'm sorry for having finger diarrhea all over this blog. I just ......I don't know....I don't even have any friends here....like I said, I moved countries, so I feel like this is the only place I can connect.