Another, I am the bad guy cause I don't wanna b the babysitter vent....kinda long
I unleashed on BF yesterday with a text war. Very juvenile but with a house full of kids, I don't think it is good to fight in front on them....just b/c SD would tell BM what we say.
BF is very laid back. BF refuses to communicate with BM or pretty much anyone else. Is is very bad at just going with the flow, not talking about what's going on. If say 'can we so and so' it is just whatever, that's fine. He hates BM, i know he hates talking to her b/c she rambles on and on but working on the visitation is not a reason to not talk to her.
In July BF finally signed the custody papers. He is primary, BM gets every weekend and they rotate weeks on school breaks. Actually, he very lenient on letting her have them b/c we went a full year with only 2 hour supervised and very rarely got a break.
He was so relieved to have signed the papers and we could do some things....but she never did a full week. I suggested working up a calendar so each side got break when they needed. But that requires communication and he just shrugged.
For some reason it seemed I ended up watching them on my days off and BM had them on Thurs so BF could work and then kept them on FRiday which is BF day off. Some weekends we had them b/c of activities. So it was always back and forth and hectic.
Last week was getting ready for school week. I took SD school shopping for both kids, got them to dental appts, took them to friends houses to play and not get on my nerves. WEdnesday I took them to BM. Friday I'm working and BF and I are chatting on facebook. He says that SS was txting to come home but he was ignoring him b/c he needed to get stuff done. BF did get some wood stacked and loaded the dishwasher. Saturday same thing, he ignored until BM brought the kids about 5. They had something to do Sunday. I needed BM to keep kids on Monday to take my DIL and grandkid school shopping, I said are you gonna ask her or me. He just got pissy and took them to BM but said they didn't want to go. I guess either one of the adults couldn't realize all I had done for them and think, damn lets give bearcub a few days break. Or BF to say, hey bearcub shouldn't have to watch them when she is off every week.
Monday was crazy. DIL hurt her back, gkid8 was running a fever and I txted him what was going on and I needed to keep gkids 8 and 1.5. I guess I didn't just say....don't get your fucking brats until tomorrow cause after work he runs to get them and I HAD TO SEND MY SICK GRANDKID HOME TO A MOTHER THAT COULDN'T GET OUT OF BED. I was up all nite pissed off and went off the next day.
One line during our fight that really got to me....but they txted to come home....I countered with what had happened when he was off work, he ignored until he needed them to come home. Now we aren't speaking and I really could give a rats ass.
OH and this weekend, he is going to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert in MD.
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I feel your pain and just
I feel your pain and just went through this a month or so ago. BM and FDH both just "assuming" that I'd take both skids while both of them happened to be out of town on the same three days. No one asked me. That's what it all boiled down to....when you're a good step mom you get walked all over and everyone just assumes you can do it all.
I was like, why does the responsibility of FDH and BM's kids AUTOMATICALLY default to ME when neither can do it, when BM has her own parents in town, and SD has a biological father in town? Especially in your case when you're his girlfriend and are not married to him yet.
Anyway...just emphasize that you feel walked all over and would appreciate "someone" who would take your feelings into account.
So did I read this right you
So did I read this right you watch them on your days off but on his friday off bm watches them???That is messed up that you don't get your days off but he let's bm watch them on his days off. How old are your steps? I recently have started to tell dh that he has to take off work if we will b taking any extra days for bm. We also have primary bm has row and most of the summer...though now he is starting to say that at 11 and 13 the ss' s are old enough to stay by themselves.Though im the one still stuck home with them if im off...so I try to schedule appts and things and then remind him that I wont be home ....maybe thus would work for you...good luck
I know we all can relate. It
I know we all can relate. It was a months long battle, but BF does work part time during school and takes them to and pick them up. So he has had to work full time to pay for school clothes and such when he can. If I didn't post, I work 3/12.5 hour days and rotate from during week to weekends every month(sorry if I already said).
AS for a babysitter???? Well 2 have kicked them out b/c the skids SS11has adhd and anger issues, and SD10 will cuss you out if she doesn't get her way. BF has 3 bros/SIL in town and his father lives 2 miles from us, but he hates his Dad. I think his Dad might have helped out some, but BF refuses to ask his family for any help. My mother has watched these kids many times for a few hours to help out. She is 79 and watches my 2 gkids and my brothers gkids some too. Why should she have to be the backup?
It's more about the fact that I had to send MY grandkid home from MY house (I've lived here for 22 years), b/c he won't just tell BM 'hey Kim needs to do some thing can you keep them for another day'. He says I don't say anything but I did on Sunday...things are getting to me, I need a time out.
I have grown kids, grandkids, elderly mother, skids....I get pulled in 10 directions and I'm the type that gets wound up very easily and then I don't sleep and it gets worse. He knows this.
Things really could be worse and I know this. It is so nice to have somewhere to vent and bitch and complain. Thanks for listening you all.