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stay at home or go to work?

SisterNeko's picture

I need some impartial third party opinions. BF and I have been bouncing an idea around for awhile but I am nervous about it on both end. Should I quit my job and become a stay at home step-mom/freelance artist or deal with sitter issues and a stressful possibly dead end job?

First the issues with the job.

Just to start things off last week the phones got shut off becuase my boss owed over $1000 bucks to the phone company, the IRS has shown up looking for him and a law firms keeps calling and asking for him. A month ago he fired the other designer for her 'attitude' becuase she thought he was clueless and making bad decisions. Now he wants to change the way that I get paid so that I get paid more for designing stuff, the issues is this week I didn't get any new projects. So in theory I would be making less not more. Plus you never know if my pay check is going to bounce or not - one of my co-workers did have their check bounce. BUT it is a job and it does pay what few bills I have. But I know what he did to the last designer and I feel like that is what he may be trying to do to me. if I don't quit he may be looking for a reason to fire me. Also I drive roughly 30 mins/30 miles one way to get to work.

The sitter.

It's BM soon to be mother-in-law. enough said right? BF and I don't think she cares too much for BM but she still let's BM doing things that we don't like, we didn't want to use her as a sitter but BM threw a fit. BM calls her daily to check on the boys and when they were in school she would have her go through their school bags and take out the stuff that she wanted to keep. Once BM even picked the kids up and took them to her house becuase one of them was sick, instead of calling us and letting us go get them. She is a very nice lady though but i think she is torn between keeping BM happy and doing the right thing. And she takes off from time to time, leaving us in a bind to find someone else or me having to take off work. And BF still has to pay "Grandma" $300 a month to watch the kids. ($150 a week , every other week) And when school starts in Sept. No one knows how we are going to get the kids to her house becuase she live so far out of town that the bus doesn't stop there.

The proposed solution

Take 6 weeks to start up some online business - freelancing, nature photography, blogging, ect. Quit my job right before school starts. BF would save the $300 a month and I would just have to make enough the few bills that I have. I could also look into a part-time job, maybe a late shift ro going back to school.

The family's concern

We are not married. So if we broke up I wouldn't have a job, unless my freelance really takes off - but let be reasonable. But BF and I have talked about it, if we got married and had a baby I would have to stay at home - my job wouldn't cover the cost of daycare and gas.

Help? I feel so trapped, like I am at a cross roads and either way i go I am taking a risk and it could end really well or really badly. Also how many of you are stay at home moms?

Comments

overit2's picture

I agree, worry about yourself and your career/education. Don't take any steps to make his life happier and easier-they are not your children to care for.

I agree with your family-it would be a huge mistake IMO to do this and set yourself up for possible resentment. IF and WHEN you have a child you can decide to go that route-and that STILL doesn't mean you have to babysit his kids all day while caring for a baby and a new career. Stand up NOW-even stay w/the sucky job as previous poster said or sign up for more school. Personally I would NOT take this on yourself right now. How are you going to launch a good career watching HIS children?

Willow2010's picture

How old are you? Well it does not really matter. Never, ever, put yourself in a position to rely on anyone but yourself to support you.

You hear it on here ALL the time. The woman is staying home raising kids and is getting treated HORRIBLE, but cannot leave because they have no job. Start pounding the pavement NOW to find another job. Let your SO find a way to pay for his own kids babysitter.

lexaprotakemeaway's picture

I will have to agree with the others. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet, regardless of what DH or skids need right now. With you and BF not being married, I really think that's #1. If he chose to leave next month after you've quit your job, you've got NOTHING. You can't have that.
If I were you, I would try to look for a different job that I actually enjoyed. Also, you can do the freelance thing on the side here and there, you don't have to give that up.
Until things are more permanent (ie. marriage) with you and BF, I think you should worry about building your own career into something you love. If you do get married and decide to have more children, you can always put it on hold at that point and come back to it later.

joanie's picture

if you were alone and had the income bf makes coming in as a risky investment dividend, would you stay home?

will you be happy being reliant on someone else as a dependent?

what will you do when the situation eventually changes and you must work? what is your plan if bf dies or becomes injured? what if he leaves you? will you have a plan and a way to support your family and self? is it a reasonable plan?

if you want to leave him will you be able to? how much backup do you have financially for just you?

will you feel satisfied and whole with no real work of your own?

these aren't emotional decisions after all. this is a practical choice you've got to approach realistically with all eyes open.

daycare and gas ... you may end up working anyway. plenty of elope work and have kids. why not find out how they manage it? it's always better for your self yo have something to do besides stay home. kids grow up and lead if you parent well...best to give then the example of self sufficiency from the start

just my thoughts

SisterNeko's picture

For the record BF is not totally to blame for us not being at least engaged., Him and I have known each other for awhile but I told him not to ask me until we had been dating at least a year - which will be August 1st. So I guess I won't make an choices right away and we'll see what happens.