Last night DH and I had a parent talk with SS. We advised him that in order to make our relationship work(mine and SS) he was going to have to step up and make an effort. We told him there will no longer be the manipulation games played between DH and I, the rules will be followed and that WE were taking a stand together to correct the problems. I then spoke up and told SS that I love him and I want the BEST relationship we can possibly have but I cannot do it on my own, it takes the both of us. After our talk we went to dinner and for the first time in a long time I wasn't a ball of nerves. We laughed, smiled, sat together....it felt good to be a SM for once.

Then came this morning.....
I woke up happy and chipper, said good morning to SS, fed him breakfast and asked him to put the dishes away for me before he ran outside to play. ALL WAS GOOD but then I heard what sounded like plastic rustling in the kitchen. It dawned on me that my breakfast snack pack was sitting on the counter and I assumed he was getting into it without asking. So I calmly went into the kitchen (still smiling) and asked him politely what he was getting into. He had a mouthful but was able to muffle out "NOTHING". I asked him "Were you getting into my breakfast snack pack on the counter?" (still calm and not upset). He proceeded to tell me NO he wasn't doing anything. I told him I could see he had food in his mouth and that my breakfast pack was almost empty so he could stop lying and just be truthful about it, just like we discussed last night. He proceeded to tell me no again and then changed his story as he gulped down the remains in his mouth. I advised him that all he had to do was ask and he probably could have had the rest of the packet or some of it, I don't care about the food. It's the lying and sneakiness that gets to me. I've never denied any of my children food whether it was mine or not.

I then took SS to his fathers work, as DH and I agreed I'd do if SS has a problem. DH is exhausted and grumpy and told me to handle it, even if it meant a spanking. I AM NOT SPANKING HIS KID, SS would use that against me the first chance he'd get in counseling. So I brought SS back home and had a serious discussion. I told him I could no longer keep this up. I cannot live in the same house with him and the drama that keeps being created. He began crying saying "No Mom, I dont want you to leave." I felt bad but DAMN IT he has to know the truth because if/when I do leave it wont be a surprise. I told him that in order to make this work we have to work together but I am working alone in this situation. I feel like he's purposely trying to make his dad and I separate and I told him so. I want to be a good SM, I want to love my SS and I want us to live a normal life (or close to it).

I then text my DH and told him about the talk and the consequence for SS lying and sneaking was to write 100 sentences. I apologized to DH if he felt I stepped over the line without talking to him first but I couldn't hold it in anymore. DH just texted back with OK.

I know kids will be kids and they screw up. I also know that SS is just like a lot of SK's and will try to manipulate the two parents but it's not acceptable for him to push buttons daily. There's no break in between the drama he creates.

I on the other hand feel a hell of a lot better now that SS knows my feelings. I dont think it will make him change but maybe, just maybe, he'll chill the hell out for a day or two. Just long enough for me to leave for my week vacation alone.

Part of me feels like I stepped over the line but the other side doesn't. SS's counselor has told me several times to be honest and that I should tell SS how I feel, even if it hurts. I've refrained from doing this because I dont want to hurt a child's feelings. Guess I should have done it a long time ago, this summer might have gone differently.

Ok friends, give me whatcha got. Did I or didn't I step over the line?