I'm allowed to have talks with SD6 too!!
I've been in this child's life since she was 2! I have changed her diapers, nursed her fever, loved her, disciplined her, yelled at her, laughed with her, the list could go on. Yet I always feel like it's up to her BD & BM to have the "talks" with her. I NEVER discuss her mother with her.....that one IS up to her Dad.
I've been getting the feeling from her lately that she thinks or feels that since BS6 is home more than her that he is more important, more loved or gets more than her! So, I asked her to come into my room so we could talk. I asked her if it was OK if I talked to her & I got a bubbly, "Sure!" I explained to her that BS IS at the house more than her but that not for ONE second is he more important to me or her Daddy, or more loved or gets more "stuff"! I explained that he lives with his Mommy just like she lives with her Mommy. But again, he isn't more important than her because he's here more. She almost looked relieved that someone verified this for her. I told her that Daddy & I love her & BS very, very much. (And that Daddy loves her an extra, extra special lot!)
BM can say whatever she wants about me! That little girl knows I love her & she always will!
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Good for you....... i think
Good for you....... i think some times as step parents, we have less rights....
I think this is especially hard for step mommy's because moms are the ones that usually have those talks with our kids.
We had a situation two weeks ago where my ss9 told a really big lie about bs8 and something that had happened(told lie to his BM who called us) and bs8 got in big trouble from me, his dad, my husband and then it caused a big fight between his dad and me and BM and my husband. so we sat down and explained what his one lie did. The very next day he told another lie..I was really upset...so my husband and I talked with him. But then the mom kicked in me and I thought why is he telling these lies...so i called him in my room and said ss9 what is going on that you feel like you need to make up these things. what is going on and what is bothering you? He came clean and started crying and told me that he felt like he was not getting enough attention at his moms house because she is too busy with her friends. It made me feel really bad..but i explained to him that it was not ok to lie about things...But if he was feeling this way and wanted to talk about it then he was free to tell us anyting and if he wanted to talk with BM and was afraid she would be upset that his dad would talk to her with him. That seemed to have fixed the problem... for now...
I think you are a great step mom for sitting down and explaining that and making sure she feels loved no matter where she is or how much she is there. Only a "mom" can tell when their child needs something...and just because she is not your BIo you are still her mom...
I actually hate the word "step" but i guess we have to be something.....
I loathe the word step! I
I loathe the word step! I call myself her bonus-Mom! LOL!
Thank you for the kind words! Have an awesome weekend!
I have talks with my SS7 all
I have talks with my SS7 all of the time. I have been in his life since he was 1 50/50 custody. I have had a huge hand in raising him, and there is no reason why I can't sit down and have a heart to heart with him. BM has never expressed that she is not ok with this, but even if she did... I don't think I care. My house, my family, I will talk to whomever I want. I have never badmouthed his mom to him. IN fact the conversations recently I have had with him are telling him that it's ok to want to see his mom, he has been acting like he doesn't want to go over there lately. I am trying to keep him interested in her.