hoping some one can give some good advice.......
This is my first blog.......i am a bio mom and a step mom to a ss9 and sd5. They are great kids, I also have my own kids g18, g13, b8, all of the kids get a long great. The problem is their mother. She is a pain in the butt. My husband has joint custody and gets them every other weekend and every wed. up until the point we started dating she would let my husband see the kids when ever he wanted, and since we have gotten married its just awful and she is bitter. We have filed paperwork with the court for 50/50 parenting time and she went and got an attorney. I will list a few of our issues, im curious if anyone else has these issues and what they have dont about them.
1. She wont allow me to pick the kids or drop the kids off at school (my son goes to same school) yet her step mom, step sister are on the pick up list.
Her reasons for that- her words are.......she doesnt know me. I have met with her two times for more than 7 hours total and she has no reason to think i am a bad person.
2. Parenting plan says parents must notify if they take kids out of area. when asked to define out of area she says its any where she can not be in 15 minutes. we go out of town a lot to visit with my family and that makes her upset because kids have fun. We always let her know that we are going out of town...now she says she needs 7 days notice...many times we decide we are going the day before.
3. My husband goes to all school functions, coaches baseball etc is a wonderful dad. I know she is bitter. But she makes ours lives HELL. i guess the good thing is it brings my husband and I closer.
4. the latest this week........her(bm) parents have a house up north....and want to take ss9 with them for 2 weeks, the problem with that is my husband would have missed 5 days of his time---she said he could make it up when ss9 got back...we dont trust her so he said no and now that has turned into a big deal. He told her the grandparents could take ss9 on a Thurs am and he had to be back by the following Wed at 6pm so he did not loose any time....she is furious.
has anyone had any of these problems and how did you fix them?
i am a good mom and step mom and it bothers me very much that she has to be so awful about things. my ex's and i have always been able to work out what is best for the kids and never ever had these problems. i always say i am a good ex wife.....and try to always make things work...i think it bothers me that i feel like i try very hard with her and it never makes things better.........any ideas????
PS. i did not steal her husband from her she left long before i came along......but i think that she wants him back....
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You just pretty much typed
You just pretty much typed out my situation......except you guys have more kids! haahaha!
There is nothing you can do except continue to be a good stepmom! She is never going to change! My SD can't even be left alone at the house with me & my son. If my husband has to work on a weekend that we have the kids, his daughter has to go home to her BM & come back when he's done with work even though the kids are the EXACT same age & SD wants to stay w/ me. It's ridiculous!! My son & SD LOVE each other. My SD LOVES me but I'm not allowed to pick her up, drop her off or even have her if my husband isn't home.
It's sad, unfortunate, discouraging, selfish, stupid, (insert 1000 more words) but it is what it is! I am SO very sorry because step-parents that actually put the kids 1st are hard to find.
Just keep being nice & cordial with the BM & keep putting those kids 1st!
we have had that same
we have had that same problem, when my husband has had to run to work on a Sat for an hour or more. The BM threw a big fit.....but we told her too bad.........we are going to be going to court and one of our request were for me to be able to pick up kids. so we will see what happens. I am glad I am not the only one in this situation. Keep up the good work and all i can say is KARMA!!!!!!
LOL-more like everybody puts
LOL-more like everybody puts those kids first above everyone, the adults, the marriage, the new wife/husband etc...somebody has to keep them knowing their place. BWAHAHAHHA
New generation of thinking I guess.
the kids spend a lot of time
the kids spend a lot of time with the rest of the family. We all live with in 5 miles of each other. and they see their grandparents at least 3-4 times a week, so its not as if we are taking something from them.
She is planning on taking
She is planning on taking them on vacation as well and we did not throw a fit. But missing five days in a month is a lot to ask of a father who only sees them 10 days a month because she wont allow any more time. So she is allowed vacation time, but she should not vacation time and her parents get two weeks of vacation time as well....
Same scenario here.
Same scenario here. Everything appeared to be fine, until I came along 2 yrs ago I also had nothing to do with the divorce. If fact they had been divorced 5yrs and she has been remarried 3yrs.
The BM in our lives just gets more hateful and ugly all the time.
She cannot stop you from dropping of the kids at school or picking them up unless their custody agreement says so. We live in FL and my FDH's custody agreement says nothing about it.
If she wants to change anything get it in writing. My BF meets BM at the local bank and even has it notarized. Because she lies and manipulates the truth.
She also doesn't get to dictate "out of the area" all you have to do is notified her, that you are taking them out of town. She has to live with it. Look at your actual paper work and see what it says. If she wants to take you to court so be it. My BF doesn't even use an attorney anymore.
BM is so crazy the judge doesn't side with her. He tells her she must be reasonable and do what is best for the kids and that means spending time with their dad also. I love fsd10 and fss13 and they love me. Not all her drama changes that.
Bite the bullet, have your hubby stand up to her and be done with it. But I warn you, put on your big girl panties, because the fight is going to get very very ugly. You should not be held hostage by her insecurities and insanity. Every time she with holds them, or does something against the agreement, document it and file contempt. You are only out the filing charges. Which is minimal.
Bm is no longer in the drivers seat for us.
Love this!
Love this!
Documentation for the
Documentation for the inevitable court fight is key.
Whenever the NCP is going to lose out on visitation time, make this time up PRIOR to when it is going to be missed. Otherwise, it won't get made up.
Make sure all the little issues are NAILED DOWN in the next CO.
These things I know from experience.
Ours is a witch as well.
Ours is a witch as well. Document everything and stick to the CO. You can take her back to court and get it modified. She really can't say who can be with the kids. She has no rights on that one and a judge will throw that out.
But, document everything and never veer away from the CO. If you do, you give her leeway to do the same. Take her back to court chances are you will get 50/50 unless there is some other issues. Dads are getting it more and more if they pursue it.
we do document everything and
we do document everything and i am hoping it will help in court. She has an attorney and we dont..her attorney lied in her response saying that we did not let her have the kids for Christmas and my DH never asked for mediation (required in AZ before you can go to court) we have emails with her stating what the Christmas plans would be for her to have the kids Christmas day and then she would bring them home to us. So i am hoping it will show both her and her attorney lied. Also Mediation my DH asked at least 10 times for her to go to mediation and she would never say yes and also requested it from her attorney. So i am hoping the judge will tell her that its BS and to grow up and move on. Hope it does not take too long. This is very stressful on a marriage.