So dh has just been home a week-after a 6 month absence due to military. Bm calls last night and says that ss ran away. I dont know the details, because she found him and went and picked him up and he wasnt gone any significant length of time-so IDK if that really qualifies as "running away"

But evidently he was mad at bm because she was drinking and didnt make him supper. (he really wouldnt be successful here on fend for yourself night OR wine and cheese night)BM was really ramped up-I guess she has had no one to vent to with dh gone but talked to him for 45 minutes about how ss doesnt listen in general, she used to think it was our fault but knows now that it is not, blah, blah, blah. Dh attempted to talk to ss and ss just keeps saying "i dont care, i dont care" and told him he didnt want to visit here and wasnt coming this weekend. He's not even seen his dad for over 6 months and I'm not sure what he felt his dad did to deserve the reaction.

What is good about all this is dh managed to have a different reaction. He started with his typical shutting down, not talking to me sort of thing. I tried to talk with him last night, then again this morning and he just kept saying there was nothing to talk about. He called me on the way to work though and did start talking-I told him I am his partner and if anyone upsets him or he is bothered by anything he should talk to me. Also if he is going to at some point want ss back in the house then I need to fully understand what is going on. I told him I felt shut out-that he talked to bm for 45 minutes but gave me a 1 sentence explanation and wanted it dropped. He did vent then and gave me lots more info than he had initially. He told me that he is thinking ss needs to go to residential somewhere to get straightened out and that he thought it was really shitty that he was treating him so bad when he's not even seen him in 6 months. I feel this was massive progress. One of our issues in the past is that he wont even talk about ss-at all. If my kids get on my nerves I have no problems telling dh and then he is more attune to how I feel and more attuned to backing me up even if he never says anything directly to the kids. But since he never says anything about ss it leaves me with the impression that he is ok with whatever ss does and I certainly cant support him or offer assistance.