What did you do while you were dating? Did you go out on dates, go on trips? Are you starting to miss all those things, or did the every weekend visitation start when you got married?

I would carve out time for myself, and I would say NO WAY to the SD moving in full time. That wasn't part of the original agreement.

In case anyone is about to pipe in and tell you "your husband came as a package deal with the kids, so you should have known what you were getting into", I'm here to say that you just cannot know ahead of time what the reality of living in the situation will really be. The dynamics of a soon-to-be teenager and an ADHD 10 year old are huge, even in the best of circumstances. Hopefully your DH is handling the "whining, temp tantrums, and in-laws" in a constructive way...speaking from my own experience, these could be more the issue than the free time issue.

A lot of this will depend on what your DH wants to do. Were things like traveling and dining together going on before? If so, maybe you can talk to him about planning a couple trips throughout the year. If these are not things he used to do and is not all that interested in doing, then you might plan your own trips with friends or family. I could see fine dining being a treat on a weeknight, even if you both work weekdays.

Lastly, I suggested to my SO that we switch from every weekend to a couple weeknights per week and every other weekend. My SO wasn't interested at the time, but lately he's been wishing for free time on the weekends, so we'll see. Anyway, could your DH consider that?

Welcome!
My suggestion is to get some parenting books geared to STEP mom's....I have read a few over the past weeks and WISHED I had read them yrs ago when I started this step mom thing...I had pre teen skids and a toddler skid along with my 2 bio daughters (preteen and toddler)at the time....I see my many mistakes after reading the books and now am in the uphill battle to try to change somethings.....One of which is my DH.....He has never really parented ANY of his children...but has listened to me do it for him...Now we are having major issues with our 13 yr old (my SD) I see that I could have helped the sistuation yrs ago and maybe prevented some of the heart ache I have lived with IF I had laid the ground work for DH to PARENT his kids without guilt and for DH to have given me the backing I needed as a co parent from the start....
Good luck with this...I do agree with the poster who suggested EOW plus a day or two during the week and not every weekend....I do see you live a couple of hours away from the skids so that might not work.....just remember these Girls need to adjust to you as much as you need to adjust to them...If SD comes to ive with you please make sure that you are proactive and have DH and you set limits and rules with consequences......it will help.....

Its very simple. Just bring your kids along if you want to spend time with your hobbies and favorite activities. You could also hire baby sitters or something like that to handle take care of your kids when you're out of the house.

In my case, I am a newly wed too and I've got kids in the house. It is what I do when I go out for scuba diving. Cebu philippines diving is my last dive and I've got my kids and husband with me. Although they only accompany me on the travel and just leave them at the hotel.