Ok, so many of you don't know me. I lurk and post here and there, but I've been too nervous to start a blog. I don't want BM to find me!

Anyway, I have twin ss, age 6. I first met them when they were 3 and they were different as night and day. One threw temper tantrums, always wanted a toy everywhere he went and whined all the time..never wanted to eat, etc. He always wanted his daddy and was not very fond of me. The other was nice, polite, sweet, caring, always did what he was supposed to and loved me. He was always hugging me and telling me that he loved me.

Now, they have reversed roles! We have been working hard at getting the "evil" twin to change his ways. He is now nice and polite and sweet. He loves me and thrives off of positive praise. The "good" twin is now sassy and getting a smart, sarcastic mouth (yes, at 6!) He says things just to get a rise out of people. Today, he asked me where I lived. I said " You know where I live. I live here with daddy". He said, "No you don't. This is mommy's house" Of course, BM DID live here with the boys when DH moved out (he of course was paying the mortgage and supporting them. BM does not work). He kept telling me that DH doesn't like me and then he told DH that he was going to get a "different daddy". (BM isn't dating anyone as far as we know. It would take away from her MOTY, martyr status) He will go up to DH and give him a hug and give me this look and laugh because he's not hugging me. I asked him for a hug when he left and he said no. I started walking away and then he came up and hugged me. So, it's like he feels bad once he hurts people's feelings.

We just don't know what to do with this kid! He is almost emotionless. He doesn't care about ANY punishment we give him. He just says "ok".We've tried time outs, taking away toys and privileges, etc and he does not care. BM and DH do not believe in spanking, so that will not happen in our house. He demands that we bring him things and tells us what to do. We don't do it of course until he says please, but we have to remind him EVERY time. DH has recently said that he won't do it unless he says please the first time. He has also started making him give things back if he doesn't say thank you.

I'm just wondering if perhaps all the attention that was given to his brother when we were trying to change his behavior has made him think that the way to get attention is to be "bad". He is behind in speech and his brother has always basically spoken for him.

My question is if it's wrong for me to selectively disengage from him or will that make things worse? DH is not a guilty parent and will do whatever I want or agree to whatever I want. I just feel bad when I show more attention to one twin because he's nice to me and polite and affectionate. I just hate being rejected and hurt by the other one, but I don't want to make it worse if it's an attention thing. I love these boys, but it's so hard to have unconditional love for kids that don't have it for you in return!

Any thoughts are appreciated!