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Skid Roller Coaster: You must be this gullible to ride...

BellaMia's picture

Submitted by BellaMia on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 5:32pm

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I have been doing all I can to disengage. Anything beyond pickups and making dinner was off the table for me. I told DH that I would be doing so and why. He's mad about it but claims to understand. This past weekend, DH I and SS11 did the usual: Spent every fucking waking moment together. Yay. But I was surprised that we actually had a good weekend. Everyone got along, SS had two basketball games, we went out for froyo, went to the gym together, etc... Just a simple and fun weekend without the usual awkwardness and discomfort. No oversensitive moments. It actually felt "normal," all things considered. I was hopeful that this was the sign of better days ahead.

Then yesterday, SS gets home from school and didn't say more than two words to me. I made dinner and he picked over every bit of it. I picked him up from tutoring today and he spoke to my dog in the back seat. And after about a minute in the car, finally said hi to me. Classy...

I told DH about it and he literally laughed it off. That was hurtful and just made me angry. He really can be a tool... We ended up arguing and he actually had the fucking audacity to get loud with me, knowing full well that his child was likely within earshot. ALL of this feels like an issue of respect, or a lack thereof.

I'm done trying to engage with SS, speaking, asking about his day. Why the hell should I ALWAYS have to be the one to try to reach out to him? I know he's a child and I'm the adult here, but I truly have done all I can. I feel immature at times because I feel myself sinking to his level, but I don't know any other way to preserve my heart, mind and spirit. And I'm fast-approaching the point where I don't care to engage with DH either.

I feel like I cry daily... and it sucks ass.

Vent. Over.

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 5:39pm

I am so sorry! I don't really have any advice but I am sorry this is all happening and I hope things get better for you. *hugs*

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 6:09pm

I like your title. If I had only known... I'm sorry that sucks. I guess pull away more?? Your DH wasn't very sensitive at all.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 04/12/2011 - 7:25pm

I'm sorry. I've been there too. I think all of us here have at some point. I wouldn't say anything to him unless it's an emergency or he says something to you, in which case you could give him a short-but-polite response.

(((HUGS)))

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 5:26am

I don't think just because you are the adult you are supposed to make everything easy for SS, like you are supposed to be perfect and he can do whatever he likes - all of us always have the choice to be *ssholes, it is just unpleasant for anyone to be around an *sshole.

If he does not acknowledge you when he sees you, don't acknowledge him either. Treat him the same way he treats you, so at least he can see how it feels.

Sometimes what we can teach these kids is not politically correct, it is reality - that they get back what they put out there. This can be your gift to him, to reflect back, how he treats you so that he can hopefully see it is rude and hurtful.

DH is just being a defensive ding dong. Mine is too sometimes, I will tell his *ss off in a second though lol!

BellaMia's picture

Submitted by BellaMia on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 4:24pm

Well I just talked with SS11 about his behavior. I told him basically what I wrote in my discussion starter here, and I asked him to consider how he would feel.

Like today: He came in from school and said, "Um, I forgot my homework at school. Can you take me back to get it?" What if I had looked at him like I didn't give two shits, shrugged my shoulder and gone back to venting on ST? LOL! How would he have felt? Instead, I e-mailed his teacher and then drove him back to school to get his homework folder.

I don't know if it registered or not. He claims he hasn't been speaking to me because he's "tired."

:jawdrop:

Really? All that doing nothing got ya' all tuckered out, eh? Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...

BellaMia's picture

Submitted by BellaMia on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 5:05pm

I could NOT agree with you more. The only reason I did it is that he's already in danger of being held back. AGAIN! He needs all the points his little ass can get. I just have all these visions of DH getting phone calls at 2:00 a.m. from the jail... Sigh... My hope is that if he can actually see the benefit in studying and doing well, he will get the hell out and stay the hell out sooner...

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 4:29pm

SD used to pull the not talking thing on me. Still does, but I don't care any more. She had a religion class and sometimes I had to pick her up if DH was late at work, etc. It's SO much FUN to sit in a car and have someone enter it, completely ignore you, ride the whole way him in silence, then get out and go about her business like I just did NOTHING for her.

After SD moved to live with BM an hour away (one way), DH said he wasn't looking forward to the drive. He said, "Maybe you should go pick her up. Wouldn't she be surprised?!" And I was like hell no buddy but instead I said, "Yeah, it would be so much fun for me to ride an hour in the car in silence." No thanks.

And yet if it was my biokid and I found out she got a ride from ANYONE and didn't thank them, I would be up her backside. Guess it's OK to treat us like crap because we are NO ONE.

sixteensmom's picture

Submitted by sixteensmom on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 4:49pm

Be late and make her call and ask you for a ride next time. Not your problem if she has to wait for you.