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Why are MY needs selfish just because you have offspring??

Asher10's picture

Submitted by Asher10 on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 10:49am

Why does not having a rugrat germbucket baby suddenly mean that anything i require in a marriage makes me a selfish bitch?!Does childfree equal selfish woman???DAH asks me what I needed that i didn't get from this marriage.I tell him I needed someone to stand with me not in front of me.I needed someone to help me improve our lives rather than doing things to destroy it.I needed him to try and correct the wrongs that were being committed against me rather than brushing it into the corner and forgetting about it.I needed him to stop putting a child above his marriage because that's exactly what he complained about BM doing when they were married.I needed him to recognize that I wasn't the enemy.No one was the enemy except for maybe BM and MIL.I needed so many things from him and rarely got what I needed even though I communicated my needs time and time again.According to him I met all of his needs.This admission was followed up with 'but my needs weren't as selfish as yours because I have a child and know what self sacrifice is about.'
I don't know what self sacrifice is?!Are you joking?He must be kidding me.
So there you go ladies.If you have no children and it's your choice then you must be a selfish bitch of a woman who doesn't deserve to get what she needs to be happy.Screw men.I'm counting on ME for my happiness now.

Comments

Nwstpmom's picture

Submitted by Nwstpmom on Wed, 05/04/2011 - 12:33pm

Wow,you truly sound like a bitter individual that if I didn't know better really doesn't like kids and probably shouldn't have had any or be married to someone with them. I didn't know this had turned into a children bashing site for step or biological.

Asher10's picture

Submitted by Asher10 on Wed, 05/04/2011 - 12:44pm

being a good parent requires self sacrifice but that doesn't mean that people without children don't know the meaning of self sacrifice.my stbxDH was basically telling me all of my needs were selfish simply bc I wasn't a parent.

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 11:09am

Wow - can this guy try to figure out how to stay with you withOUT insulting you???

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 11:14am

Frankly his opinion counts for NOTHING along with all these other self righteous Guiltzillas out there.

At this point, I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of listening to his stupid whining.

(DELETE)

marissamae88's picture

Submitted by marissamae88 on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 11:27am

I could not help but giggle when I read this because I feel like this all the time. When I need alone time, time with my SO, or just simple things that I used to do before I became an SM everyone looks at me like how could I say these things or expect these things. I didnt have children for this reason! I didnt you did!I'm selfish because my needs arent met by following around kids, cleaning, cooking, or dealing with tantrums. I totally understand and we are not selfish. I didnt have kids by choice and people that think we are selfish are jealous that if we walk away we can go wherever do whatever and whomever all the time.

CANTSEEMTOGETIT's picture

Submitted by CANTSEEMTOGETIT on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 11:39am

Got a question for ya'll......do you ever feel like your DH's babysitter? I told him this morning that I want his daughter to only come here every other weekend for a while (he has full custody). I don't think it's right for her to be here just for the sake of being here because it's his week to have her. He doesn't get off work until 930 and I make her go to bed at 9 on school nights. My thought is,,,,,why am I having to take care of YOUR brat when you aren't even here to see her?????? He said he would do it,,,,part of me feels bad about it!! What do ya'll think?
Oh, and I also don't have any kids.

Nwstpmom's picture

Submitted by Nwstpmom on Wed, 05/04/2011 - 12:43pm

It is obvious that FDH needs to make sure to have a babbysitter in line before the SS is there and he is not. Because you are neither a babbysitter nor a SM. Someone who allows a child to just play and sits on a computer and plays should probably have a babbysitter of their own. But FDH makes the job real easy for you, so what a good catch!

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 12:15pm

One thing to consider is whether his kid WANTS to hang out with you all week. My dh had sole custody of ss but was out of town all the time-I was his primary parent for years-eventually I started complaining because I could see it wasnt working. My dh automatically assumed it was because I didnt like his kid, didnt want to watch him, blah, blah. In reality, it was because ss DESERVED to be with one of his parents. He had two able bodied parents who were essentially spending two weekends a month with him and the rest of the time the kid was with his sm. I could see he was unhappy-hell, he told me he was unhappy and wanted to live with his bm.

So, IMO, yes unless its for a few short hours here and there-the kids needs to be with one of his parents if at all possible..

CANTSEEMTOGETIT's picture

Submitted by CANTSEEMTOGETIT on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 12:39pm

Thanks ya'll!!! I agree completely,,,,especially bc the dead beat BM doesn't work,,,,,she should be keeping her......not me!! I try to tell DH that as a girl myself I would want to be with my mom over a step mom. And she does like hanging with me but still feel that if he isn't here then she should be at BM's.......

regmom's picture

Submitted by regmom on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 11:54am

Man a too full of themselves at times. I sometines feel dh does trust me and takes me forgranted. I dont know why they always put their kids b4 us. BMs give us problems and they cant stand by us. What a life

sweetthing's picture

Submitted by sweetthing on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 12:00pm

I have had my former neighbors treat me like there was something wrong with me because ex h & I didn't have children. So I get the selfish thing totally. What irritates me is when DH throws out that he knows more about parenting because he has been at it longer than me. Just because you have been at it longer doesn't make you better.

StillSearching's picture

Submitted by StillSearching on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 1:48pm

I know how you feel Asher! Even my best friend will tell me these things when I invite her out to do things. I hate how some people belittle us no-children women. Give us a break already.

Need2Breathe's picture

Submitted by Need2Breathe on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 2:42pm

OMG Asher, this is EXACTLY how I feel!! I just needed to feel included and not excluded. I needed to feel the partnership I thought we had. Mostly, I needed to feel HEARD and understood.

Ugh!

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 3:18pm

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being Childfree!! I am actually envious of childfree people! Through all my years of infertility treatments, it was pure hell, and I just wished I could be happy in life without having a child. People who are childfree have learned (or just always have been) happy with themselves and with their lives, and that is such a special, wonderful thing! People CHOOSE to have children, and many choose not to have children...neither is wrong or selfish!

I am FINALLY pregnant with my first child. (and probably only after all the trouble it's been to get this far) My new worry is to become like some of my friends. In the worst way I do not want to be one of those women who never has time for anyone else in her life because she has children. I have a friend who lives one mile away and isn't capable of simply returning an email anymore. I think it's wrong to ditch friends simply because you have children and they don't. I will know I'm doing the right thing if I can find the balance of keeping my husband happy, not ignoring the people I care about, and taking care of my son. I REALLY hope it works out!

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 7:46pm

I hear you Asher. My younger sister once told me she was the most important daughter to our parents because she had most of the grandchildren. My best friend once insisted that I should have children because I would be incomplete unless I raised a child.

NO THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I've known since I was 12 that I absolutely didn't want kids.

Selfish? If that's what people want to call us, then fine. I'll nurse my hurt feelings over a glass of wine while I'm getting my pedicure. Dirol

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 03/29/2011 - 8:14pm

I'm so sorry about your miscarriages. I can't even imagine what you've gone through but my heart goes out to you.

Thank you for saying that! You completely hit the nail on the head about my sister, especially the part with her being too busy to help them.

DH's kid feels the same way your BD does about having kids. She talks more and more about college and career and seems to avoid anything more serious than friendships with the boys she knows.

PS....I really, really wanted to smack my sister for saying that. But I restrained myself. Barely. Smile

Ninja chick's picture

Submitted by Ninja chick on Wed, 05/04/2011 - 12:55pm

Don't we self sacrifice by putting up with crazy BMs and bratty stepkids that treat us like pop when were new. Im with you marriage first then the kid. You have to be happy to make others happy. I'm not saying the kid should come last but you have to take care of the family the kid is in or it's going to be harder on them. I grew up in an hateful home because this was not done. Stand up for your self and fuck him