Last night we had dinner with one of the skids. It was very awkward, for the most part she talked "to" him. as in not even looking in my direction. She asked him about his life, he asked her and her hubby...I was not asked or brought by the fiancee of course so i brought myself up. she talked about each sibling and her mom of course. Like the fiancee even cares (about the mom.
His mom invited herself over for the night, so i chose to leave the room and a have a friend come over. I was offended that she couldnt respect me or him for that matter enough to call and ask. I would of said yes, but the principle of not calling irked me. She decided to not stay all night at some point and left. Ofcourse I was blamed for that. I tried to explain that by leaving the room I was being polite. I tend to make my annoyances known to the people that annoy me, so I left the room and talked with my friend instead. Before my friend showed up I was sitting on the love seat and him by his mom. I asked if he was comfortable (hint, hint) he said yes. i told him there was room by me... he moved over.
So last night we were talking. He said i was rude to him and his mother so i explained myself (see above). Then i brought that he had to be asked to sit by me. He said he is not clingy. When did sitting by someone once in awhile constitute being clingy? So he says (i love this, not) "I wont assume anything with you anymore, ill just do whatever you want me to. whereever you go, I will" In a voice ive heard from 5 yr olds not wanting to clean their room. Made me feel great. I asked him today if he was happy with me and he said yes without hesitation. I am slightly confused. He brought up that he was not consulted on asking a friend to come over, but he just doesn't understand the bitch I can be if i do not want to be around certain people or feel disrespected. I told him that my friend always makes me smile and laugh, thus killing the bitchy mood. And he comes back with "I dont do that for you?" which he does, but not with his incredibly rude mother here.
Due to happening of this weekend I have been thinking if my love for him is blinding me. Am I ignoring problems or down playing them bc of my feelings. Its hard to tell if i can or want to put up the adult skids and grandkids for the rest of my life at this point. I tell myself the problems will decrease or go away completly eventually, but I dont know the future.
I have masked problems bc of love before in both of my past marriages. Eventually I came to my senses and we divorced, but only when things hit the bottom. So now I wonder if I am doing the same with this guy. The problem is that I cant tell until I make the mistake again.
Then today I felt completly rejected. He was in the kitchen, I walked in put my arms around his neck, started kissing it and he says, "I have yard work I need to get done". I tried once more to persuade him and he "gave in" still saying he had things he wanted to get today. So I walked off, upset, rejected and feeling kind of ugly. Then he says now i made you mad, i feel bad. He went to do yard work. I took care of my needs, he comes in an hour later and mentions that he was done with the yard (with a smile) so I said, dont worry about it. I took care of it. His face changes to a guilty look and says now i feel bad. I just answered you made the choice.
If you have read this far congrats and thanks for any comments in advance.