SS12 and BM too busy.....
BM is the most frustrating woman. It is not our week with SS. We have 50/50. Last night the Karate studio called and said SS was sick and needed to come home. DH told them to call him mom and gave the numbers for her cell and the house. Apparently she has someone just drop him off. No one stays with him. We never leave him alone there. We always stay.
I asked what the call was and he explained. I said, well I will go get him. He said we can't. We need to let SS12 realize this one. He said he wants to tell him to have him call us when she or Step sister drops him off and one of us will go watch him. I know he is trying to make SS12 realize that his mom is not their for him and ultimately that we are. He wants him to say that he wants to live here full time. Then he will go back to court.
But, it killed me for twenty minutes because I just want to go get him and bring him home. I think DH should have gone and gotten him and brought him here. Let BM freak out. She shouldn't be just dropping him off.
We also think that the not feeling good may be because he was overwhelmed and no one was there to encourage him. It is a new studio and the classes are large. If you can see some of the drama coming with SS, you can usually diffuse it.
I hope that SS realizes that he is not a priority in that house and here he is. We would do anything for him. When he is with DH, he does everything with him and never just drops him off....
BM works too much and SD14 is her priority and SS is definitely not. I just wish he would see it soon. The kid is way too loyal to BM for my tastes. She doesn't deserve it. Recently he got in trouble at school and the Vice Principal called me, because he even though he knew I was the SM, I was the only one in the family he knew. I had volunteered for SS at Choir recitals because he was being picked on and someone needed to be there. This man rather than call BM or DH went to the 4th name on the list and called me because he knew I would handle it. He had been picked on and finally hit back. I called DH and he handled it and SS and I talked about it and laughed about the whole thing. BM only knows what DH emailed her. Never a call or any discipline over there. Nothing. The kid is an after thought.
How long can he continue this way, one week you are a priority and the next week no one barely acknowledges you....?
Just makes me sad...
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My skids are/were eow. You
My skids are/were eow. You are describing their life with their BM. If she was dating someone she had very little time for them. If she was single her world revolved around them- they were her whole focus. Currently SS is 14 for the last two years he is on bis own. He's dropped off at places liked the gym for a workout and leaves. I find the hands off approach very sad.
What happened with us? They became angry because we were too involved or treated them like a baby, didn't want to come over, SD has had counseling for 2-3 yrs and SS is showing signs of shutting people out or at least shutting us out.
I would say be there during your week and continue doing what you are. No kid wants to see there parent in bad light....EVER! No matter what a bio does the love is unconditional. He will work through it in his time- he may be an adult but he will sort it out and know who was there.
do you think maybe its more
do you think maybe its more the push and pull between different families that they have to deal with every week? Do you think they are aware that you all frown on the "hands off" approach?
Not trying to start an argument at all-but I drop my kids off places all the time-when my girls do gymnastics I drop them off and go to walmart (I call it multitasking)-I dont feel that i am being neglectful at all-They've been in gymnastics for years and I've seen them do one million cartwheels. I also see the majority of the other parents do the same. IDK I live in a small rural area maybe it is just more acceptable to drop your kids places?
But if your ss comes from a family dynamic where they drop kids off at activties -that's not abusive or horrible-it's just not what you would do. Do you think your ss picks up on the disapproval you all feel toward bm which makes him feel stressed? I am by myself at the moment and working and raising 3 kids and having them all in multiple activities truly taxes me-so if I can "multitask" by dropping them somewhere then go do our grocery shopping-I just dont feel that is neglectful at all-and my kids are certainly my priority.
Normally I would have no
Normally I would have no problem with it, with a normal kid. This one has anti-social tendencies and if he is not encouraged, shuts himself off. Also, this is a new karate studio, less than a month that we have been going. We stay and read or make calls outside. I am not saying to watch him like a hawk, but with this kid, you have to preempt problems. I guarantee that he wasn't sick, he probably was confronted with a situation he wasn't comfortable with and that is his out.
I was a single mom for 9 years (widowed) so I understand multi-tasking. That is not what this is about. This BM never stays for anything. She has Step Sis take him (already been expelled from school) or Stepdad. She works 50 hours a week and that comes first.
She neglects this kid terribly. He knows how we feel. We don't express it to him, but she recently dragged us through court and many things came up that she said to him. Things we have never said. We are very casual with him about his mom. Our comment is always you can call us, if you don't want to be alone you are welcome to come hear. Stuff like that. Never negative....