See here: http://eriefamilytherapy.org/news/20100228_Momsanddivorce.htm

1. DH surely was not the perfect father when he was with her. He was young, immature, acting out of the need to be responsible rather than love. He was busting his butt working long nights and therefore, barely awake during the daytime to help parent with BM. So, yes, not perfect. But now that he's no longer working nights, and tries to make the most of his little time with the kids, if he does something pretty darn wonderful, or even something slightly good, she likes to accuse him of "pretending to be Father-of-the-Year" in order to put on a show for me.

2. But still, we have to remember that he does everything all wrong most of the time, when he's not trying to put on a show for me. Like sleeping during the day when the kids are with him, like not rushing SD to the ER, like having a good time at a friend's house on a Sat night while a kid is injured, like not deodorizing his house, like deciding to have more children, and the list can go on and on.

3. I'm certain that BM doesn't want my DH, that's pretty clear, it's not that kind of jealousy. Does she think that "he's doing it all wrong again"? I don't know. I do know that she's thinks he's doing some wrong things (like getting remarried and having more kids), but mainly because of how it affects the financial aspects of her life and her kids lives, and perhaps the fact that, with me in the picture, she has less control over him than she had before.

I met the kids once DH & I had committed to a long term relationship, and only after they met me and were comfortable with me did DH ask me to marry him. The kids always reminisce about that first meeting, it's kinda cool.

BM has introduced them to a Mr. A who didn't work out, and a current Mr. B, the kids have mentioned "they're taking it slowly". I think she's been pretty good at keeping the men out of their lives, since we have the kids every weekend, when she may go on dates etc. DH had met Mr. A and she asked him to meet Mr. B, but DH told her he'd meet him when there are plans to get married. It's sorta helps that Mr. B doesn't live in-state, similar to how I lived in a different country until I married DH.