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New baby with DH makes SD super clingy

1sttimestepmom's picture

Submitted by 1sttimestepmom on Wed, 02/02/2011 - 5:42pm

So, ever since I found out I was pregnant my SD (who, if you havent read any of my blogs, I have been withdrawn and detached from for quite some time because it was better for all involved) has been so clingy to me and will not let me cross through the hallway past her room or from one room to another without her latching onto me and talking incessantly about absolutely nothing just so shes talking. Has anyone else experienced this when having a new baby in a step relationship? I do not have any other kids of my own and DH only has SD7. I am due in June and very excited, but not sure what has brought on this cling-fest. I have a few theories that 1) maybe she sees this as her last chance to make a connection with me as I have an impending child arriving, 2) she knows this is her baby brother and is trying to be close to him via my stomach, or 3) she is just afraid that we are replacing her and is making herself known. I'm not exactly annoyed, I just find it odd that a child that wanted absolutely nothing to do with me is now incapable of being away from me for an hour or more. And she is much more distant with DH and wants to be on my "team" (something she says when she wants to play a game against DH she picks teams and only wants me on her team). I'm just wondering if this is normal or if we should be looking into putting her back in counseling. Thanks in advance for any input.

Comments

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Wed, 02/02/2011 - 10:32pm

Gosh, dunno what to say, this sounds a bit strange!

My stepkids were slightly older than 7 when DD was born. And, if anything, their clingy-ness was amped up with DH, not me. But then, there are 2 stepkids and they are very close to each other.

So, maybe your SD is just pretty thrilled about having a sibling, and super-excited. Having a sibling is a pretty important milestone. I'd say too that she probably IS making sure she has a connection to you and hoping not to lose her place in your heart (which she probably already senses has began to happen since you've withdrawn a bit).

sweetness01's picture

Submitted by sweetness01 on Thu, 02/03/2011 - 4:41am

Sounds a bit strange to me...it would make more sense if she was clinging on to her dad all the time but this is the opposite way around! Maybe she does just want attention but if I were you i'd give her the benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe she's feeling a bit left out and wants to try to get involved as much as possible with this baby and obviously at the moment she can only do that through you.

Although you and your SD have been distant in the past, your baby is going to be a fresh start for everyone so maybe start a new beginning and a new type of relationship with your SD. You could sit her down with your DH and both explain you're looking forward to having this baby but would like her help too. Maybe she could help you choose a few clothes to buy for the baby etc. Hopefully that way she'll feel included but not to the point she needs to be clinging on to you every second. I'd try to nip this in the bud now because obviously once the baby is here it's going to be very hard if she's still next to you all the time!

Good Luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

1sttimestepmom's picture

Submitted by 1sttimestepmom on Thu, 02/03/2011 - 4:08pm

Thanks for the input guys! I definately agree with all of you. Probably attention and connection and fear all together! And I do think it is especially important for her because #1 her mom is not around and she only sees her for a few weeks in the summer and #2 her mom cant have any more kids so this is her only chance at a close relationship with a sibling. I've taken her to my sonogram appointment so she could see the baby and she asks lots of questions all the time about the baby so I would say we are working to keep her included. Just trying to find the right way to get her to step away some and be independant. Regression is definately possible since her therapist diagnosed her as 7 with the emotional maturity of a 4 year old so we are a little behind as is with her not being parented for the first 5 years of her life.