Alright.
and
Hi everyone, I was here under another name a few months back but off to a fresh start here. So heres the issue.

My Fiancee has 3 daughters, 1 that lives a state over with paternal grandmother and 2 more that she has sole custody over. Well me and my fiancee live together and have been living together for quite some time now, things are getting to be quite rocky. She has an 11 year old and a 9 year old that live with us and I love them unconditionally but there are issues within the home. Our 11 year old has had a lot of issues and has finally gotten over all of them and leads a peaceful life with my fiancee and I, as she now acts as a young adult as opposed to what she used to do that her sister does now. It seems that everyone talks about the terrible 2s well damnit be, the nonsensical nines are right around the corner!! Im telling you the second our youngest turned 9 it was ALL over and finally here we are closer to 10 then her 9th birthday and we are up for one hell of a fight!! She wants respect but wont be respectful she wants to be heard but wont listen, its her way or the highway, well under my roof thats quite the contrary actually. So now tonight was a breaking point, parenting classes have been attended and books have been obtained and studied, game plans have been set and words and feelings have been exchanged.....

I said to her, "What do you expect to come from this behavior??" her response was nothing short of "I want respect too!" I understand 100% where shes coming from, a 9 year old girl coming into adolescence gripping as much control and independence she possibly can, fine.... but come on. I said to her, "What do you mean?" she then disclosed that "All of mommys other men have treated her nicely and respectfully..." I responded by asking her if she treated them like she treats me the answer was no, I asked well, whats different? her response was I treated them nicer.

Whoa!

So I asked her after if thats fair to me, if she were to walk into a store and give 5 dollars and get the same stuff everyday and then walked into my store one day with 3 dollars for the same stuff then she wouldnt get it. So why expect it. Then she told me that she liked one of her mommys exes and wished he was still around.

Heres the issue, my fiancee was either beaten, used or messed with or all in every relationship she was in... I dont want to talk about those people that did that to her so I ask that there be no discussion of my fiancees exes because I dont like them being a topic of conversation because they are in my opinion unfit to be spoken of in my presence for what they did.

My fiancee says that I need to respect my step daughters feelings and let her express them to me as to not repress the feelings.... I dont want to talk about those people that used her mother, hurt her mother, cheated her mother and all of that.... its that so bad????

What do I do, how do I do this?

I dont want those memories around me because I know the truth, as a child they DONT know the truth.

If this all keeps up I will be single and another man will be in these girls lives.... one of the last things they need and I dont wanna leave this family Ive been part of for such a long time now.

StepFatherInTraining