I'm interested in everyone's opinions but in particular if those of you with a professional background in the area would answer I'd appreciate it.

I have a friend who has some issues with her skids. I've been around enough to see first hand what she's talking about and I agree there seems to be issues.

The BM and BD don't get along. BM is quite the drama queen/control freak.

The kids are 9 and 7. BM and BD have a 5 year old.

The skids lie a LOT. The 7 year old is sneaky, she hides/tosses away things the other children like. They are manipulative, lying to the dad about the SM and basically have him wrapped around their fingers. They've undoubtedly learned to be manipulative and demanding from their mother who plays the victim and uses emotional manipulation to get what she wants. The skids also have no empathy whatsoever for anyone or anything. Everything is 'me, me, me'. The skids are bullies and have this problem at school too. If they don't get their way they have this series of manipulations they go through. 1. Demand and have a tantrum. 2. Lie and try to twist the facts to get their way through logic. 3. Play the pity card, ie, pretend to be sick or hurt to garner sympathy and thus get their way. 4. Withhold love and affection if they aren't given what they want. One is obsessed with death and dying and during play talks about it a lot.

The kids were assessed by a child psychologist recently. The psychologist spent 1 hour with BM, 1 hour with BD and saw the children individually 3 times for 45 minutes each - so 2 hours 15 minutes each. BM and BD did not tell the counselor about the lying and bullying, the tantrums and the manipulations or the hypochondria. The counselor's assessment was that the kids are perfectly fine and nothing in the visitation schedule or the way they are disciplined should change.

My friend, SM, doesn't think they are fine and I can say that from my experience I think something is wrong. I've raised kids and mine were never that cold, dishonest or manipulative - at least not more than once because the first time I'd see that behaviour I'd put a stop to it.

Now SM can't discuss behaviour problems with her DH because his answer is 'A trained psychologist saw them and said they are fine. She's trained to find these things.'

So, I wonder, how much does the psychologist rely on the background information she's given before beginning her assessment?

If the psychologist had been told about the manipulations, the bullying, the lies, etc...might she have come to a different conclusion or do they generally ignore what they are told up front and base their assessments totally on their direct observations of the child?

Is 2 hours 15 minutes interaction with a child enough to draw the conclusion that the child is perfectly fine and that nothing should change?