So, SD's birthday is coming up. I discovered, on BM's FB, that they are having a party for both SD & SS on Saturday. SS's 17th birthday was back in July, but apparently they never had a party for him. When his birthday came, I put a card in the mail only from DH. SS has made it clear that he doesn't want my name on his cards or gifts, so he got nothing from me. SD has not made much of an effort to be in contact with DH & I, however has had the courtesy of responding when I contacted her via FB message. She also was the only one who called to acknowledge DH on Father's Day. She has expressed some hurt feelings & some anger toward DH & I, which I am aware has been prodded on by BM. As I can't control the way BM behaves with skids, I can only be glad that SD at least has it in her to express these feelings with me, where SS chooses just to ignore us. We haven't seen either of the skids since July of last year, & the only phone call since then was SD's on Father's Day.

I picked a card to send from DH & I made a card to send from myself. We've never done it this way before. It has always been one card from the two of us. Doing it that way, though, I never really felt like I could write my own thoughts without overshadowing DH's thoughts. There's just so much I want to say to her. As I've written about before, he doesn't write a lot about his feelings. Not that he doesn't care, & not that he doesn't put a lot of feeling in his words. He means every word he writes, but in his daughters card that I will be mailing tomorrow, he's written, "I love you & I miss you. Come see me or call" & then listed our home# & his cell#.

When BM wasn't around & we had skids with us, SD & I used to spend a lot of time crafting together, so rather than buying a card for her, I made one. I didn't write my message in the card itself, because there wasn't enough room. I've written it on a sheet of paper to put inside. I wrote:

Dear SD,

It's hard to believe that another year has come & gone.

I miss you so much. I miss seeing your smile & hearing your laugh.

It's sad to think that so much time has passed & you're coming so close to being grown.

On the other hand, though, it's exciting to think that each day passing brings you closer to reaching goals. Each day, you discover more of who you are.

Take advantage of every day...every moment. Make it count. Stay true to yourself & never give up on your dreams. Be proud of who you are. Remind yourself, daily, that you are precious & unique. Never forget the people you have around you who will love you to the ends of the Earth, no matter what.

I am blessed have you in my heart.

I hope you'll always know how very much you're loved, & that no matter what happens in life, we are always here.

I love & miss you, SD.

I hope you have a happy birthday, & I hope this year brings with it, true happiness & real peace.

Love you always,

Stormabruin

I've spent days trying to figure out what I want to say. This gets my thoughts across, but at 14 & with circumstances being what they are, I'm not certain she'll know how much heart is really in the message. I guess as a teenager, regardless of the circumstances, they don't always feel as much heart in our messages as we'd like them to. I know I didn't at 14.

I am unsure of whether or not to send it for a couple of reasons. One, I really don't want to overshadow DH's card. She needs to know that his message is heartfelt & important. It's just in fewer words. And two, I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to approach her as my daughter. I don't want BM to get the impression that I'm trying to teach her daughter things about life that she should be teaching her...like I'm stepping on toes.

Any thoughts?