Thoughts on "Hot Saucing" as a punishment?
BM uses tabasco sauce or vinegar to punish the skids. If they are bad, they get a spoonful of either. Has anyone ever heard of this?
I just searched it and found out the term is actually called "Hot Saucing" and seems to have originated in the Southern US.
How do all of you feel about this form of punishment?
I asked SD5 what kind of things she does to deserve the punishment...she said if her and her brother hit each other or don't listen. At first I thought maybe it was similar to the soap-in-the-mouth punishment, that if you have a dirty mouth (swearing, talking back), you will get a gross taste in your mouth. But BM's use of this punishment is for any kind of behavior problems. I asked SD if they get time-outs at BM's house, and she said no, that they just get tabasco or vinegar. I know that my fiance has talked to BM about having similar punishments at their houses and has asked her if she uses time outs, and she's said yes. I'm not sure if SD5 is just exaggerating or just has a poor memory of time-outs at BM's because she gets this other punishment. Time outs work really well for us with both SD5 and SS3. And if they have more than 1 time out in a day they get something taken away PLUS a time out (no TV, etc). It RARELY gets to the 2nd stage.
Okay, so I just wanted to see what everyone out there thinks about "hot saucing". Like I said, I'd never heard of it before but apparently it is a common punishment.
A few websites I found on it:
People DEFENDING it: http://www.religioustolerance.org/spankin9a.htm
People OPPOSING it: http://www.religioustolerance.org/spankin9b.htm
- SteppingUp's blog
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Comments
She should be locked up.
She should be locked up.
Relevant and Natural
Relevant and Natural Consequences are the most effective form of learning.
Example:
The Stove is hot, you touch it, you get burned, you're probably not going to touch it again.
Not saying you should go out and burn your children or fail to protect them from harm, but this is a valid, scientific, and evolutionary process of learning.
And learning is really what we want to accomplish through consequences.
"The punishment should fit the crime."
Children this young should not need very many consequences.
At this point they are so eager to please and mimic behavior.
I know very well that when you have a Biological parent that does not model appropriate behavior this is impossible.
Time Outs should not be punishments (especially at this age)
Time Outs are opportunities to be removed from the problem so emotions no longer escalate.
For older kids reflection with parental guidance.
Consider this:
Make Time Outs calm, quiet, low stimulating areas, with comfort objects (blanket, stuffed animal)
When time out is needed, remain calm, pick the child up and place them in their own personal T/O area. A firm but, simple, non-emotional, specific statement like,
"You may not hit, because it hurts."
Place them in T/O, (while they kick and scream) and walk away.
If they come out calmly put them back and tell them,
"You may stay here until you are calmed down,"
Repeat as necessary but don't give up.
Let them kick and scream, ignore them as long as they stay in.
When they are calm get down on their level, lots of hugs and praise.
Say, "Hitting hurts, hitting is not okay"
It will take a few times but eventually they'll learn. Be prepared for total meltdown the first few times. It's a power struggle and the power belongs to you.
Thanks for the advice, but
Thanks for the advice, but once again -- we don't have any problems with time outs. They work very effectively in our home and at day care. How do we get BM to change HER ways, when she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong!!!!!!!!!!
This is a very old dog
This is a very old dog training "punishment". But, it is no longer an acceptable practice.
I think its terrible having a
:jawdrop:
I think its terrible having a child consume anything as a form of punishment. I cant imagine how these kids feel when they are forced to have hot sauce! Even adults cannot eat a spoonful of hot sauce...imagine a toddler.. sounds like a torture to me.
...and what are those
...and what are those links?
The first one goes on about how a person defending it was a Mousekateer and then went on to be a semi-famous child actress ... as if that gives her use of it as a punishment more credibility?
They also mention the religious beliefs of the people they are using to argue each side? What does that have to do with anything?
3 and 5? I'm a grown woman
3 and 5? I'm a grown woman and a spoonful of hot sauce would be torture. I'm all for punishing bad behavior, even a swat on the butt if it's called for but this seems extremely harsh to me.
My mom did the soap in the
My mom did the soap in the mouth thing to my brother when he was little (he's older than me), for swearing. He never grew up and developed a swearing problem. Of course he swears, but not excessively. I, on the other hand, was the favorite and got away with everything. I grew up and had/have a major swearing problem. My favorite word is the f-bomb. If my kid swears, it's gonna get the soap.....
My parents use to make us sit
My parents use to make us sit on the steps and put our arms around each other - it was torture but usually we would end getting over whatever fight we had really quickly - my parents would also do the soap - as far as the hot sauce I would have to say the kids are so young and I would not take the chance that they could have a reaction to it. I think Dh and his ex need to discuss this and if he is unhappy about this he needs to put a stop to it - it does sound extreme.
I spank my DD4 and also do the count to 3 - we never get past 2 because she knows she will be in trouble if I get to 3 and when I have gotten to the number 3 she has been punished. The thing with correcting is you have to be consistent. I have a friend who will not spank her children because she says it teaches them to hit you - my daughter has never hit me and her older daughter hits her and the younger one pinches everyone HARD - I said to her give her a swat on the butt or pinch her back and she said NO then she will learn it is okay to pinch - I am like HELLO she has been pinching for 6 months she already thinks it is okay to pinch.
It is NOT supposed to be a
It is NOT supposed to be a spoonful!!!! OMG someone needs to tell her that it is to be a drop IF she is going to do it! But i don't do it, I think there are better ways to get the point across. I like this one a lot, say they hit each other, put them in time out only make them sit on their hands to remind them that they are to be used to hit. You do that with whatever they do wrong like if they say something they shouldn't make them hold their hand over their mouth. Get the idea?
I do agree that the kids
I do agree that the kids could be exaggarating, but DF told me that he has seen BM use the whole spoonful for vinegar. I guess he was really against it so she would never do it in front of him. I'm not sure if she'd use a whole spoonful of tabasco...I really HOPE not.
As a lover of very spicy
As a lover of very spicy foods I'd worry that this would cause my children to hate spicy food. I wouldn't want to close off the wonderful world of Indian, Indonesian, Thai and Mexican dishes to them.
It has COMPLETELY had that
It has COMPLETELY had that effect on SD5. Anything with the slightest spice she WILL NOT eat. Not even pizza.
I've never heard of this
I've never heard of this before but I don't think it sounds right. There are other ways of disciplining in my opinion.
Nope, not appropriate ....
Nope, not appropriate .... ever .... in my opinion.
A punishment should be physical and immediate. Standing with the nose firmly planted in the corner. Writing dozens, hundreds or thousands of sentences (age appropriate), or blistering a bare ass with a belt, paddle, hand (age appropriate).
Maybe it is appropriate to wash a kids mouth out with soap for cursing but forcing a kid to consume a chemical is never appropriate including hot sauce or vinegar.
In the case of our son (my SS) hot sauce would not be a punishment. The kid loves hot food.
IMHO of course.
Best regards.
A belt and a paddle are never
:jawdrop: A belt and a paddle are never appropriate. I am all for a swat when needed, but if a person has to resort to using objects as weapons on a kid, then there is a problem. That is waaay worse than a little hot sauce or vinegar.
Try spanking a 12yo with your
Try spanking a 12yo with your hand and let me know how that works out for you or if it even gets their attention.
Sure a belt or paddle are appropriate and a parent can apply their use as a tool for delivering corporal punishment as they determine is necessary. A belt or paddle is no more of a weapon than a hand when applied to the bare ass of an incorrigible child in need of discipline. I am not talking about causing damage. I am talking about applying some sting accompanied by a startling POP or CRACK.
Your choice not to use them is of course yours and no less valid than someone else's choice to use them.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
blistering a bare ass with a
blistering a bare ass with a belt, paddle, hand (age appropriate).
I'm sorry but 'blistering a bare ass is NEVER appropriate under ANY circumstances.
If you have to have the child remove clothing it is no longer about punishment it is to humiliate them and frankly, if you are into humiliating people and removing their dignity then you are sadistic, are on a power trip and you have NO BUSINESS being around any child much less disciplining them.
ditto with hitting with objects. I think it's sick.
You opinion is obviously
You opinion is obviously yours and your more than entitled to it. As usual when someone makes a blanket statement "NEVER appropriate under ANY circumstances" it is WRONG! There is nearly always an exception to a blanket statement with few exceptions.
I am not talking about causing physical damage. I am talking about inducing some sting and an nice warm glow to butt cheeks to get the message across. In this discussion we have been talking about younger kids after all.
As for the humiliation of applying force to a bare ass with an effective tool for that purpose ...... it works. And I think it should be used for some adult infractions.
As a somewhat old school kind of guy I find it interesting that the crap that occurs in schools and with young people today was very rare 30-50 years ago when a teacher could light up some miscreant ass with a paddle in front of the entire class.
I use a comparison between the city of Singapore and any major city in the US. The US cities are nasty, graffiti covered trash dumps compared to Singapore. In Sing, spitting on the side walk, spraying graffiti, littering, or spitting gum anywhere but in a trashcan and you get caned on your bare ass. You may recall the case of an American teen who was caned in Sing for just these things in the 90's. They drop your drawers, strap you to a rack with your butt prominently protruding to offer a nice plum target to the person doing the caning and flaw away at your butt wit a nice long whispy cane for the prescribed number of licks. You don't see much litter, graffiti or gum on the sidewalks in Singapore.
Hmmm, I wonder why???? :?
I for one would be all for turning the bare asses of idiots with spray paint cans in to a mass of hamburger in a very public forum here. How much graffiti would we see in our cities if the idiots who perpetrated the vandalism actually were held accountable for their bullshit? Of course there should be an age limit to this type of punishment .... but only on the lower end. I am good with 12 (maybe 15) and older getting hamburger ass for these types of infractions. I would also be good with caning the parents for not doing their job when these kids get caught.
Corporal punishment works to fix behavior when applied appropriately to the perpetrator of an offense. Countless hundreds of years of human history proves it. Sometimes this is what it takes to get the point accross to particularly stubborn people.
When we were kids if my bro or I got swats at school there was hell to pay when we got home. The swats at school were the least of our worries.
But, you raise your's as you see fit and others will raise their's as they see fit. Hopefully you are fortunate enough to not have to use corporal punishment with yours.
All IMHO of course.
Best regards,
I agree with a lot of you
I agree with a lot of you that mentioned the soap in the mouth trick as it relates to having a dirty mouth. I too could see a punishment for hitting being having to sit on your hands during time out. I totally understand punishments that have a consequence that is somewhat RELATED to the misbehavior...I don't really get why tabasco/vinegar makes any sense. However, I'm a very logical person and it bothers me when others aren't!
Finey, I do agree with you that this isn't worth it to become a fight or a battle with BM. We realize we can't control what happens at her house (if it's not outright abuse). It is certainly just my opinion (and my fiance's) that there are other methods that work just fine. The other thing that bugs us is that we fear that BM uses it A LOT. It keeps being brought up by SD5 lately, and this weekend I made a salad that had vinegar in it and SS3 wouldn't eat it, even though he has eaten it in the past. It seems like she's using this punishment all the time now, and to me that doesn't seem to make any sense when the other punishments (time outs and taking away priveledges) work so well with them.
My main argument against it is that
A) the punishment doesn't fit the crime,
the punishments we use, daycare uses also...should be consistent in all households, and
C) it is changing their food/taste preferences and making them even MORE picky than ever.
Just MHO and it is very interesting that we got a few differing opinions on here! That's exactly why I was asking!
I think this exerpt says it
I think this exerpt says it all from my perspective: (it's from http://www.axisoflogic.com/artman/publish/printer_10786.shtml)
Tim Kimmel, a parenting expert who said he approaches parenting from an evangelical Christian perspective, has heard from parents that hot sauce works well. But he does not approve.
"Just because something works, that doesn't mean it's a good idea," said Kimmel, author of "Grace-Based Parenting" (W Publishing Group).
"Fear can be very effective as a discipline technique, but it's overkill. You haven't corrected the problem, and it means nothing in terms of building character. Our job as parents is to build character, not to adjust behavior."
Well...I got the "hot sauce"
Well...I got the "hot sauce" treatment. I think I had said a swear word (I can't remember my age, but my parents were still married, so before I was 10 years old), and my dad sauced me. I think it was just a couple shakes of hot sauce, then I had to swallow it, then I was sent to my room to think about what I had said. It didn't stop me from cussing but, it didn't stop me from loving my dad either. I have given it thought many times as I raise my own daughter, but she would just ask for more! I guess I'm a little different than most, because I don't see a huge problem with it (in moderation...a whole spoonful-certainly not!). Painful?...sure is, but so is a belt/hand/paddle to the butt. I guess I don't see much difference....
I hope this doesn't turn into
I hope this doesn't turn into a flame war but this is the problem I have with "punishments" instead of "discipline" - hot saucing, spanking (and yes, I realize there are a lot of users who fully back spanking and I respect that as their choice) or anything similar: what do they learn from it? Yes, it will help them refrain from doing that behaviour out of fear of that punishment but that doesn't teach why that behaviour is unacceptable and therefore doesn't give a lot of reason for them to refrain from it if the parent isn't around. If you hot sauce a 4 year old for, say, colouring on the walls or the table, they won't do it in the home - what about at school or friends/relatives' houses? The parent isn't always there to hot sauce.
Instead, for me, a better option would be to explain that when we colour on surfaces that aren't paper, it needs to be cleaned or replaced and subsequently have the kid scrub it clean themselves or with minimal help from me. I like disciplines that have logical consequences because that teaches them the hows and whys and they can use that as they get older. In the real world, if you damage something that isn't your property you don't get hot sauced or spanked, you need to pay to repair it. I know this is just one example, but that's my general thinking when it comes to discipline and consequences. I don't want to shame a child into behaving properly or have them on perfect behaviour because they're scared I'll hurt them in some way - I want to teach lessons and have logical consequences so they understand why it's wrong and can start learning to think and make positive decisions even if I'm not there.
As far as hitting siblings, that's when you separate them or, if it's over a toy or something, remove the toy if they aren't able to share nicely. Another thing I might try would be to redirect one of their attention elsewhere to another toy. If the issue was "not listening", which is pretty vague, then I think some of the fault lies in the parent. Don't waste time and energy in a power struggle with a child - there is no power struggle. You are the adult. If they don't listen in that they don't do something you ask, you take away whatever seems to be distracting them from doing what you asked them to. If they don't listen in that they do something you've told them not to, you don't allow them the opportunity to do whatever it was - playing with something they aren't supposed to (take it and keep it away from them), going into a room they're not supposed to (lock the door), not coming when you ask them to come over (go physically get them). I know these are all pretty simplistic examples but it's the general principle of giving them the information and opportunity to make good decisions and if they don't remove the problem until they're able to.
Again, I realize not everyone agrees with that theory and that's fine - this is just, for me, a better fit.
Whole-heartedly share your
Whole-heartedly share your opinions...but how on earth do you get another adult to share those as well, when they think they are doing nothing wrong?
I wish I knew, lady. -sigh-
I wish I knew, lady. -sigh-
I wouldn't necessarily
I wouldn't necessarily consider it abusive. But I wouldn't do it. We don't spank our kids either. To me, it just doesn't make any sense. I am all about natural consequences for bad behavior.
If my kids hit each other, they go to their rooms. The logic? If you choose to hit someone, you are showing that cannot be around other people right now.
Hot saucing makes no sense to me? You hit your brother....so you get to eat hot sauce? Huh? How does that even connect to the crime.
Same with spanking. You hit your brother...so I'm going to hit you because we don't hit??? Again, that makes no sense.
You hit your brother. That shows me that you cannot be trusted around other people right now. You need to spend the evening in your room. Makes perfect sense, right?
My dad tried this with one of
My dad tried this with one of our dogs that had a habit of chewing up the fence. It did not work, the dog ended up licking the entire fence and LOVED it.
I am afraid to try it, he may
I am afraid to try it, he may make lemonaid out of the darn thing.
I have never used hot sauce
I have never used hot sauce as a punishment, but I think I would for a little older toddlers/kids if they kept on swearing or mouthing off. A drop or 2, but not a WHOLE spoonful. As far as vinegar goes, it's just bad smelling and tasting, but it would actually clean the kids out in the end that would probably make me throw up though. The soap would make kids sick too. So any of these punishments is going to have a reaction and if your really against it, have DH try to talk to BM again.
I grew up in the South and
I grew up in the South and have family all over the South and have never, ever heard of this as a punishment. ??? This sounds like an urban myth, to me.