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passive or aggressive, that is the question

lmdavi0's picture

Submitted by lmdavi0 on Wed, 05/09/2007 - 9:35am

so last week's drama and sd10's call to dh claiming she doesn't want to see him again has led us to ponder 'should we fill out another affadavit' or 'should we just go with the flow?' bb violated the court-ordered visitation plan by not meeting dh last friday, after the phone conversation and supposed 'make-up' call between bb and dh. poor dh has been really trying to take the high road for sd's sake but dealing with a habitual liar is never easy, especially one who has control over your child. so now, what do we do? do we go back and see if the court will finally hold her in contempt? or should we just say whatever. if sd10 doesn 't want to come see us, maybe that's fine... i don't know, but i told dh it was his call. to be passive or aggressive...interesting dillema...

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Anonymous's picture

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 05/09/2007 - 11:41am

My DH has had custody of SS since he was 4 months old. SS is now 15 years old and I have been in his life for the past 9 years. His BM calls or comes to visit every 6 mos to a year. This is very hard on SS; holds a lot of resentment for leaving him. BM was completely gone for first 6 years of his life and DH raised him by himself up until we got married. We now have BD6 and BS2 and we have always raised them as brother and sister; the little ones not knowing or understanding that women is not FOF but brothers BM. SS prefers it that way. SS has a lot of resentment towards any female because of BM; which has made it very difficult for me, but I manage. Whenever BM does make an appearance, SS tends to take out frustration on BD afterwards; I'm worried about long term affects on BD and what if SS starts to take out frustration on BS too as he gets older? SS is very proud and hides his frustration and hurt. I don't know how to help him or what to say. We have never denied SS or BM visitation and so SS has always been able to make his own opinion of BM. SS is so fed up with BM, he won't even answer the phone when she calls. I am tired of defending BD & BS from SS's frustration and I'm tired of defending position as SM and equal disciplinary with DH. What can I do? In the past SS has gotten rid of other females in DD's life and he prides himself on that.

New Stepmom's picture

Submitted by New Stepmom on Wed, 05/09/2007 - 1:41pm

Have you thought about putting your SS in therapy to help him learn how to deal with his anger? I'm sure it's hard on him, having to deal with his BM leaving him, not to mention his age. Adolescence is probably taking a serious toll on him as well. What about DH - how does he handle him?

Nymh's picture

Submitted by Nymh on Wed, 05/09/2007 - 1:31pm

I don't think you should look at it as aggressive. Look at it as assertive. THEN, what would you think? You have to look out for the best interest of the child and yourselves. The more times you let it go without holding her accountable for her actions, the harder it will be to prove your case when you finally HAVE had enough. If you keep on her, hopefully you'll be able to avoid that "breaking point" since you won't be allowing her to get away with everything and no repercussions. Does that make sense?

*~So sayeth Nymh~*