H and I did not get together under the best of circumstances. We had known each other in high school and were in touch off and on after. We were both seperating and divorcing when we got together this last time and for the first time, as more than friends. I do not love often or easily but when I do it is completely. We spent a weekend together and fell head over heels in love. I was much further along in the divorce process than he since my ex and I had emotionally/physically seperated years before we seperated our homes. So I while I was going through a quick and mostly amicable divorce he was going through a very nasty one with his ex. The choices he made and his actions throughout his divorce were a constant source of pain for me.

His ex was the typical bitter woman whose husband had left her. Since we got together so soon after she assumed he left her for me and went down the psycho ex road for a while. She used visitation with his kid against him and made him jump through all sorts of hoops to see her on occaision. I finally had enough of this and made him talk to someone about his rights as a parent so he could get a better understanding of what she was allowed to do. Finally, in court she started making all sorts of demands about him seeing a therapist and be evaluated. All on his dime and he readily agreed to anything that would eneeable him to see his kid. At first she asked for supervised visits even though before he left her he was a stay at home dad to their child and hers from a previous marriage while she worked, slept and went out with friends.

THere are a lot more little details during this time but I think many of you know the drill with this kind of stuff. It's almost neverending. I was always being put out in order to keep her happy so he could see the kid. By the end of it his custody agreement was for EOW and 2 weeks in the summer and the alternate years with the holidays. BUT, she didn't want the kid in my home or around me so she would make up things like that the agreement didn't say he could take her out of state (BM and SD live in Mass and I live in Ct) so she threatened to not let him see her if he took her out of state. I explained that it didn't say he couldn't so it was assumed he could as long as he brought her back by the agreed uppon time in the order. He was too scared of not being able to see his kid to test her so he just kept having his visits with her at a mutual friends' of theirs home.

Our relationship almost didn't survive New Year's Eve this past year because his friend's went away and said WE were welcome to stay their and have his visit too. So I went up and stayed with him at their house and we had planned a fun little New Year's Eve party for just the 3 of us (my BK's were with their dad). Well BM caught wind of me being in town and lost her friggin mind. Told him if I was there he wouldn't be able to see his kid and told H that she had talked to their friend's and the wife was furious that I was in her house and that I better get out right then. This was a lie but H was always scared to call her bluff. I explained that she was in violation of a court order. I told him all he had to do was call the police and tell them she was violating the order and they would escort him to the house to pick the kid up. H kept just fretting over the whole thing until I got mad and told him to just bring me home since he obviously wasn't going to grow a backbone and make this woman stop controlling our lives. Well he did bring me home and that is still a very sore subject in our relationship.

He called and called and aoplogized up and down and I told him I couldn't do this anymore, I was tired of him allowing my life and happiness to be dictated by this woman and it was time that he either stepped up and did something about it or we were through. He went to court, talked to who he needed to talk to and found out I was right about her violating court orders and she was even lectured to by her own lawyer on the fact that she could be arrested if she pulled another stunt like that. After that she started settling down some but not completely. There was always some little thing for her to bitch about and H always let it get to him. She liked to play on his guilt for not being around more for the kid and would manipulate him with it to get what she wanted. I told him this just won't do. Either he stops caring so much about what she thinks of him as a father and more about what I think of him as a man or I was through. I tried so many times to tell him that if he would stop letting her threats and games control him she would stop doing it.