It’s a long road…..

Well DH is home, temporarily at least. SS14 is still at MIL’s at least for the rest of this week. We talked until well after midnight last night trying to work it out. SS14 has no where else to go…BM doesn’t want him, MIL doesn’t want him, uncles etc.

He’s a problem in our home #1 I do better drywall work at this point than most guys…..it’s not only the holes he punches in the walls it’s the other stuff he breaks, accidently on purpose. Usually whoever he’s mad at will have something broken. 2) I don’t know if he would attack me, but he has been getting into a lot of physical altercations at school, and more defiant w/teachers, I honestly am a bit of afraid of the kid 3) He beats the tar out of SS9 and can’t be left alone w/him 4) towards the end of the last school year I began having some problems w/ SS9 copying behavior from older brother, I know SS9 is a good kid at heart but if you keep bad influences and he’s going to end up being a bully.

Our solution is a little unconventional but I think it may work. I am going today to find a 2 bedroom furnished apt, for SS14 and DH. We’ll start with a 3 mo. Lease to start. SS14 has his first appt w/Neuro psychiatrist on 23rd, hopefully will be stable enough to come home in 3 mo., if not then we’ll go another 3. I don’t like being separated from DH, but unfortunately I don’t see another choice. And we all need time, I need time to forgive DH for letting it go this far, I shouldn’t have had to pack my bags in order to get him to move on this. DH needs to see what it’s really like to deal w/this kid and his constant need for attention, praise and what he’s like when he doesn’t get what he wants. SS14 needs the individual care right now. SS9 needs to be safe and away from the bad habits of SS14. And I also need some time and possibly even a couple of sessions with a therapist on how to stop hating this kid. My head knows that he’s a sad lonely mixed up boy w/some serious issues and that he needs help. My heart thinks of him as a vicious vile little jerk who has made my life hell for almost 4 yrs.

BUT! I married my husband not the skids, DH is a wonderful man whom I love dearly. Parenting skills leave a lot to be desired, but he is willing to learn and I respect that. He has worked in the civilian sector for 5 yrs, but spent over 25yrs as a Special Forces Green Beret. I mean they don’t exactly promote ‘warm fuzzies’ right? I love him because he loves me enough to figure out what a ‘warm fuzzy’ is.

Now my problem is DH wants to live in the neighborhood, and we do live on an island where there are plenty of monthly furnished rentals. I don’t know if I want Beelzebub running around the neighborhood, it would feel creepy to me. I think they should stay in the school district but maybe 3-5 miles away, that way SS9 can run around, I can walk our dogs etc. Is that being to selfish?