Bed time for 2/3 year old and 5 year old?
What do you think is a reasonable bed time for a 2 (almost 3) year old and a 5 year old?
A little background on why I'm asking:
BM has always picked up the kids, fed them, bathed them, then bedtime, with very little play time at night. Their bed time is 7:45 and she wants them sleeping by 8pm. DF says this is how it always was, because she gets to spend the next few hours of the night cleaning and doing her own thing. I understand this early of a bed time when they are infants/toddlers, but this seems a little early as they are getting older...or am I wrong?
The only reason I'm wondering is because they are not ready at all to go to bed that early. BM this week asked day care if she would not let them nap anymore because she has had a hard time getting them to sleep at 8pm. Apparently daycare snapped at BM and told her she absolutely would not take away their nap time and that BM needs to re-evaluate what she does with them at night time to prepare them for bed.
BM then called DF asking him if he's had a hard time getting the kids to sleep at night. We always give them at least an hour of play time a night, and they go to bed between 9 and 9:30. We read books and get them to settle down before bed that way. We have little problems once they unwind and are in bed. DF told her what we do, explaining that they need their play time to use some energy, and she got mad because we haven't been keeping to "her schedule" and saying that it's no wonder why they don't go to sleep for her. I completely understand why she's mad at us because to her, it's our fault the kids won't go to sleep at her designated time. But at the same time I am truly wondering why she is so adamant that they need to be SLEEPING at 8pm? She gets mad that SS2 stays up and plays in his room after she puts him to bed! It's still light out, I'm sure that's confusing.
As always, feel free to let me know your thoughts...
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I always put the kids to bed
I always put the kids to bed at 8 on school nights when they were younger. I got them up at 6am to get ready so i could be at work on time and if I didnt put them to bed at 8 they gave me a horrible time in the morning getting up. i did it from the time they were babies until they learned to not be so sluggish in the morning and that lesson wasn't learned til they were way past 5 and 6! they didn't learn that til around 12
I have a 2.5 year old son,
I have a 2.5 year old son, and a SD is 6 years old. They have had 9:00 PM as their bedtime for a long time. However, during summer we are more flexible with this, as the later the go to sleep the more we get to sleep in the morning because they don't wake up as early.
8:30-8:45 kids get ready to go to sleep, they brush their teeth, take quick shower, put night gown, etc... At 9:00 We turn tv off and put them to sleep, sometimes it takes my son a longer time, because he would get up a few times to play in his room, or to ask for something. It also depends on the day, if it has been a very busy day, they are usually tired and fall asleep, if it has been a lazy day, it usually takes a while.
I do think that 7:45 is kind of early
Also, They don't nap
if i had done that, i would
if i had done that, i would have been late for work everyday because they would have been a mess of grumps in the morning
summertime was the exception though so they got a break from the boring early bedtime of 8pm
I think it depends on the
I think it depends on the child. SS used to literally hold his eyes open with his fingers to stay awake. When he moved in with us (at age 7), I enforced a bed time. It became 8pm because he couldn't handle staying up any later, he was a disaster the next day. It doesn't matter what time SS goes to sleep, he will get up between 6am-7am. Now he is 10, he is just now able to handle staying up until 9 or 9:30, and sometimes 9:30 is too late for him.
I have a ss4 who goes to bed
I have a ss4 who goes to bed around 9/930 as well. We also have dinner between 630-730 and then bath time and reading time with some play time thrown in. I know a few people who have their kids go to sleep at 8pm. I guess it depends on your preference.
They get up at both
They get up at both households at about 7:15. We all live, work, and have daycare in about a 3 mile radius. They have some difficult mornings but it is never consistent and it's either one kid or the other. SS2 gets up very easily and is almost always already awake at about 6:50. So if they go to bed at 9:30 they are almost getting 10 hours of sleep.
Well DS is 2.5 and we start
Well DS is 2.5 and we start our bed time routine as close to 7:30 as possible. He's usually been home since 5 and has spent that time doing his thing and dinner. Then it's bathtime, jammies a couple chases thru the house - DH's doing and then 2 books and lights out usually by 8:30 or so. However, during the week, I wake him at 5:50am to get him loaded up for day care - I have to be at work at 7am so to me he needs a little more sleep.
i read something once in a
i read something once in a parent magazine that said kids and teens need tons of sleep something like 10 hours before they are functioning at their full potential in the morning. My kids never took naps though so maybe that's why the early bedtime worked best.
My SS4 and SS5 are typically
My SS4 and SS5 are typically in bed by 8pm and asleep with 1/2 hour and wake up around 6:30. I agree it stinks not having much play time at night, but everything is much smoother when they have 10 hours of sleep. When the boys are at their dads they stay up until later (9:30ish) and then sleep in and it always makes the first night a struggle going to bed; but they are with us during the week when sleeping in is not an option. I wish we could all keep the same schedule but understand at different houses, different rules.
I too, wish we could have the
I too, wish we could have the same rules. It's just that we don't feel they are ready AT ALL for bed at 8pm...especially in the summertime when it is still light out. I guess every kid is different. I do have a friend who's 4 year old is sleeping at 8pm for sure every night and it amazes us.
When the skids are taking gymnastics classes, we don't get out of there until 7:30 and then they eat dinner (they have snack before gymnastics), so at least one night a week anyways they get to bed around 9.
Life is going to get in the
Life is going to get in the way. As long as they are consistently getting a good amount of sleep I wouldn't be too worried about it.
My BS6's bed time was 8pm
My BS6's bed time was 8pm from about 9mos until 5yo, then I moved it up to 8:30 on weekdays, 9:30 on weekends. I also had to enforce a bedtime for my SCs of 9:30 weekdays/10:30 weekends for SD11.5, and 10:30 weekdays/11:30 weekends for SS17. Yes, you heard me right, SS had a bed-time on weekends at 17yo! And for those who think that's "unreasonable" like he of course did, I did "caveat" that "bed time" by saying that you DON'T have to be "asleep" I just don't want to know you're awake (i.e. loud TV or music or going to the kitchen for snacks!)
Here's my question for those who DON'T enforce bed times: How the heck do parents EVER have any adult time, privacy or just plain "me" time if you are ALWAYS "on" for the children?
In response to your question,
In response to your question, we are 50/50 visitation...so the nights we don't have the kids we have "us" time
I guess that helps. Also we stay up pretty late (11-12) so we get the cleaning and other stuff done at that time.
SS3 generally goes to bed
SS3 generally goes to bed between 8 and 9 (later than that and he tends to be a little more ornery the next day) and he'll wake up between 6 and 7. A majority of the time he still takes his afternoon naps until 3 at least and we have no problems getting him to bed. Our situation is kind of backwards because when he is with BM she lets him nap until 5:30 or 6 then lets him stay up past 10 and still has him awake between 6 and 6:30 in the morning. For me 9:30 would be pushing it, but that's because SS has to get up a little bit earlier.
My brothers ex lets their daughter(4) stay up until 11 or 12, and then she sleeps until 2 or 3 the following afternoon!! His ex doesn't work and my niece doesn't go to daycare so she thinks that there is nothing wrong with it. It's a nightmare when my brother is there to pick her up at 11 in the morning but can't because they are all still asleep
We try to stick to 8 for my
We try to stick to 8 for my ss7 and sd5. Otherwise, they are in terrible moods the following day.
8pm. 8:30 at the very
8pm. 8:30 at the very latest. We start bedtime routine at about 6:30/7pm. eat dinner, take a bath, read stories, go to bed. No kids are ever ready to go to bed. ss5 will be drooling on himself, eyes closed, and snoring and tell me that he is not tired and he wants to stay up just a little longer. I do the same thing as your bm - after ss goes to bed, i do chores that i didnt get to do with kids around or i watch a grown up tv show or i read a book... thats pretty normal. a three year old and a five year old is pretty much two toddlers - we'll probably keep ss5's bedtime at about 8pm until he hits middle school, then we'll think about bumping it up to 9pm.
I have 2 biokids ages 2 and
I have 2 biokids ages 2 and 4. They are in daycare part-time and at home with DH part-time. When the kids are home with DH they do not take naps and I put them to bed around 8-8:30pm. When the kids are in daycare they both take naps and aren't ready for bed at 8pm, so they get extra play time and bedtime gets pushed back to 9-9:30pm. And they usually wake up between 6:30-7am.
It doesn't sound like her DH
It doesn't sound like her DH and BM agree on this at all.
I think she is simply asking us what is the "norm" or if their line of thinking is unreasonable.
I'm not sure why you feel so
I'm not sure why you feel so obligated to pick on me because I am the "girlfriend"?
But anyways, we don't sleep in. DF goes to work either 5:30, 6, or 7, and I work at 8 so I take the skids to day care. BM works at 8 as well, so we are on the exact same schedule as far as what time they wake up. We don't put the kids to bed at 9 so that we can sleep in later. It doesn't matter what time they go to bed, they wake up at 7ish...even naturally on the weekends.
And yes, I don't mind the opposition as that was my point in this blog. I was definitely hoping for everyone's opinions, or I wouldn't have posed the question. So thank you for your opinion, no thank you for your constant belittling of me for being a "girlfriend".
Like I said, I'm totally fine
Like I said, I'm totally fine with your opinion. I get it, you think the kids need to go to bed earlier. Thank you.
It goes back to my blog from the other day and your aggressive comments...you used the term "girlfriend" referring to me in a negative way more than once...making me sound absolutely inconsequential as a human being the scheme of my SO's life and kids.
She is his GF, but she is
She is his GF, but she is specifically talking about yesterday when you told her that because she is a GF that her opinion shouldn't matter or she shouldn't have any say just because she is the GF and not his DW.
It's my business because it
It's my business because it is also my household and both DF and I take part in parenting equally. We are a household together...we both get along incredibly well and we both have the same parenting opinions. We have no problems with this.
And BM and DF do not agree on the bed time, and day care is on DF's side. If BM and DF agreed on this it obviously wouldn't be an issue at all and I never would have had a reason to post....
My wife (the skids bio-mom)
My wife (the skids bio-mom) doesn't usually get ours to bed until 9.30 or 10PM if not later. I think an early bed time is a good idea.
My grand daughter is 3 and is
My grand daughter is 3 and is supposed to be asleep by 8pm. This has slipped in the past few weeks with many things going on. But this coming week we are back into her routine.(DD and GD live with us. DD has GD 50/50 with her ex b/friend)
This is reasonable hour for kids to go to bed. I would even say an 8 yr old should be in bed by this time. Children only grow when they are asleep.
My DH and his ex used to keep the kids up until 9:30pm because they were working all day and wanted to spend 'quality time' with the boys. Sorry, you choose to have kids and you choose to keep working. Keeping your kids up so the other parent can have Mommy/Daddy Time sounds a little selfish to me.
My GDs father allows her to make her own routine. He says he doesn't but her behaviour says otherwise. Daddy (apparently) lets her stay up until he goes to bed. The latest time GD has called her mother to say goodnight is 9:30pm. She was "out with grandma and grandpa at *restaurant* Mummy". Sorry, 3 yr olds do not need to be out eating at 9:30pm on a Wednesday!
Young kids should be in bed early. That being said it helps to tire the child/ren out. We took GD for a long walk before bedtime last week and she went straight to sleep. Taking the kids to a park to burn off that energy is a big help.
Also kids need to learn that the owrld does not revolve around them and their wants. Mommy and Daddy need time to be adults be it 'retiring to bed' early or watching something on TV that THEY can choose knowing full well the kids are sleeping and not being ignored.
I definitely agree with you
I definitely agree with you that they need to burn off some energy!! We live right next to a park and take the kids and the dog there almost every time we have them if the weather is nice. That is one reason why I think we don't have a hard time getting them to bed and BM does? I just feel like they need to burn off that energy and they aren't really getting that at BM's since she doesn't allow time for that?
Skids 6, 8 and 11 have had a
Skids 6, 8 and 11 have had a 9 p.m. bedtime since I can remember. With little league and all of that, in May, the last month of school, that got pushed back sometimes to 9:15 but no later than 9:30. Since it's been summer, we've let them stay up later watching a movie or reading or drawing in their room. The youngest goes to bed when he's tired mostly, but I do encourage him to go to bed a little earlier than the girls. He also still naps. Usually in the car on the way home. He gets a solid 15 to 20 minute power nap in daily.
Im thinking about what other
Im thinking about what other people have said, around 9-930. My sd is 6 and she goes to bed around 1030 over here. (we have her on the weekends) She still wakes up about 8. Bm usually puts her to bed around 10 as well. We usually put her to bed a little later because me and dh are late sleepers and if we put her to bed too early she will wake up at the crack of dawn. and she still takes an hour to an hour and a half nap during the day too, so she sleeps alot lol.
The transition from day to
The transition from day to night is hard for many children. Bedtime can be a struggle because it separates them from the ones they love. Thanks for sharing the informative post.
Regards,
Jack - children bedtime routines