My DH once told BM that when CS was done, so were they, that he would never need to speak to her, again, and he hasn't.

We did wonder about telling SD the truth about everything when she was 18 and emancipated, but then it just seemed like it would be a waste of energy. Slowly, over the years, when SD33 brings stuff up about her mom or the past, DH will tell her the truth. SD has figured out certain things about her mother on her own, too.

Yes, giving BM a piece of his mind was tempting but she would have enjoyed it, claiming the victim status and telling SD, "See, your dad is such a jerk," and again, waste of energy. I'm pretty sure BM has Borderline Personality Disorder, so it would not have phased her, she would have taken no responsibility, and would have just turned it around on DH.

For us, it wasn't even about taking the high road, it just wasn't worth it, nothing to be gained. BM's life is crap, that is satisfaction enough. Having BM completely out of our lives is reward enough. 

DH and I have talked about the end of BM's reign, which is May 31, 2030 (but who's counting?) I asked DH if he would want to unload on BM for all the bullshit she has put DH and SS through, keeping them apart, refusing DH's involvement but happily accepting his money, moving states away and replacing him as "Dad" with her GF as "Mom #2," not to mention the years of verbal and mental abuse. DH said "No". 

The thing is, for these women with narcissistic tendencies, they would LOVE nothing more than to get a final rise out of their ex and to know they truly won the HCBM game. DH isn't giving BM that satisfaction. He is simply going to block her and let her slip into oblivion where she belongs. DH thinks that once she realizes she is blocked and that DH had no final words for her, that will make her unravel even more. To realize she really is irrelevant to us, to DH, and that she no longer has any control; that is all the victory we need. 

DH promised me a vacation once SS ages out. A very much deserved, lengthy, expensive vacation for all the crap we have put up with. And with the income we will regain from no longer paying CS, we will definitely be able to afford it. 

DH took the high road with HCBM, which meant severely limiting contact and answering necessary emails generally with "yes" or "no," but not engaging like he would in the early days (it was attention for her). He was very open with the skids, though, when they (chronically) approached him about "why he left," a false narrative. I guess they wanted him to change the real story to the false one they clung to, beg for forgiveness, and run "home" to them.They'd go home and repeat what he said and she'd go nuts. Then, one day, finally, she gave up. 

When she wasn't getting responses from him, she blamed me and began harassing me. When I responded, I responded in a brief, businesslike, calm, reasonable manner. Then one day she came back with a long scathing email to me, telling me that I was jealous of her and I had mental problems, among other things. That is when *I* unloaded. I did so without cursing or name calling, but I confronted her over her behavior, told her she brainwashed the skids, and ended with telling her I had better not hear from her again. Boo hoo! I was done.

Silly me hadn't thought that she would take my email and run to the skids with it, probably screaming and crying. That was all the fuel SD (who had a problem with my existence in the first place) needed. Oh well. Had I known that an honest reasonable message would "cause" ongoing bad skid feelings toward me, I would have said things much more. . . passionately. 

Even SD, though drunk, once told me several years later that she understood my need to set boundaries with her mother back in the day. Then she went back to "Mommy's side" once she sobered up. 

BM's reign here ended in May of last year. I'm fairly certain not one word has been exchanged since YSD's high school graduation, and honestly communication and contact had been mostly non existent (with the exception of BM's occasional meltdown over something stupid) since about the time YSD turned 16.

There were definitely many times when we fantasized about what we would say to her, how we would tell the kids *everything* and show them all the evidence we had of her lies and manipulation. But by the time they were actually adults, the worst of our anger had fizzled out. And then they started figuring out the truth for themselves as they spent less and less time with her. So now I'm really glad we didn't give into the temptation to unload because I think it would have just set her up to look like a victim (her favorite) and probably delayed the timeline of their epiphany.