What is a successful (blended) marriage about?
I think I know, At least in part anyway.
I tend to put the onus on picking a partner of substance, character, honor, and quality. However, I do not often reference THE key part of the discussion. Being our best regarding substance, character, honor, and quality for ourselves and for a worthy partner.
We must be as worthy of them as they are of us.
Unfortunately that balance is often hard to land on. As SParents we have chosen a partner with elements of their past that move into our lives with our partner. If our partner cannot maintain worthiness by effectively managing their kids and X(s) we maybe should consider a different choice. Of course that necessitates that we have kept any history we bring in the appropriate place.
We are all the sum of our lives at any given point. Those experiences in large part make us who we are and the person that our person chose.
Every day the choice to make a journey together has to be renewed. That means history has to remain where it belongs. Life's challenges have to be navigated effectively together or it will have to be navigated ... not together.
IMHO of course.
Just waxing philosophical(ly).
Thanks for the read.
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Comments
I think it's tough.. many
I think it's tough.. many times, people are just inherently selfish about things like being in a relationship.
"I DeSErVE to be hAppY!"
But, if you are not able to be that quality partner to another person, if the burdens of your history (aka Exes.. financial disasters... Skids.... mental heallth problems.. not just step related stuff can fall in here).. are too great.. then it is just absolutely unfair to hold yourself out there as a romantic partner.. when you are in no way capable of holding up your end of the relationship bargain.
If you are not free to pursue a relationship.. as in still married or in a relationship with another.. you can't in good conscience offer yourself up as a great prospect.
Does that mean that you can't have imperfections or baggage? no.. but it means that you are able to put those things in a perspective that they aren't overly burdensome to your partner.
blending is a little extra complicated because you have other people that have minds of their own.. but if you have disasterous kids at home.. don't expect someone to come in and fix your mess
I think I'm off of the idea
I think I'm off of the idea of dating because so many men are looking for what a woman can do for or give them. They are looking to be loved and to benefit from a relationship.
I'm looking for a MUTUALLY beneficial and RECIPROCAL relationship. I'm looking to love and be loved - not just to BE loved.
I bring a lot TO the table and most men don't really consider what they are bringing - they just want to sit at the table.
Sounds like an equity life
Sounds like an equity life partrnership.
It has to be harder to blend more experienced lives into a passionate, equity life partnership, life of adventure, and love for the ages than it is to build that type of life together from a less accomplished beginning.
Take care of you. Never settle. We owe outselves our best lives.
Preach La dulce Vida! They
Preach La dulce Vida! They are takers not givers. Take take take. They don't appreciate a good woman and how much value she brings to their life. They just want to receive without giving or putting effort.
I agree Rags. "We are all the
I agree Rags. "We are all the sum of our lives at any given point. Those experiences in large part make us who we are and the person that our person chose."
I personally could not handle it.
I always was concerned about being love more then her ex, That everything she did with her ex she had to do me. If they went to Hawaii ..then I uwanted to go to Hawaii. I was upset that I couldn't relive they're childless couple time. Just picking up and going to McDonald for a hamburger. With out getting a babysitter, paying them then the McDonald bill. Before cell phones a phone number list ect
Unfortunately we fall in love with someone we should not have
Being who we want to be and enjoy being mitigates much of the
Being who we want to be and enjoy being mitigates much of the angst about our partner's history, X, and Skids. At least in my experience.
Making and life and family together does not leave much time for me to put much thought into what did or might have been experienced before my DW and I met.
An X is in the past. Anything felt, experienced, etc... is in the past. I have no space to process all of the likely never happened, what could have maybe happened, or what did happen in the past.
Take care of your Harry.