“Sick” again — some more
Two weeks ago, SS13 went home from school Wednesday because he "threw up." Was perfectly fine on Thursday (district policy is he couldn't come back the next day). Friday morning, like clockwork, he told BM he threw up, so she kept him home again.
SS has acid reflux and has had it since he was 6. It causes him to spit up sometimes, but not outright vomiting. He also has a prescription, which he hasn't taken in months.
Anyway, he came back to our house last week. Instead of getting his prescription refilled, she bought an OTC med that he can't take longer than two weeks (she didn't read the box). So, DH got the prescription. SS acted very annoyed and put out every time we reminded him to take it. He was perfectly fine all week.
Guess what happened yesterday? Yep. "Threw up" at school. This time, BM took him to the doctor, who did tests and x-rays and could find nothing wrong. It's his reflux. Again, which shouldn't send him home or keep him out of school.
DH suggested they get a doctor letter for his file so the nurse will send him back to class. No response from BM.
It's frustrating, but there's not much DH can do. This never happens on our weeks. If she chooses to let SS manipulate her, he can't control that. But it's patently obvious SS is either outright lying or using his reflux to stay home from school. He's getting closer to the limit. His grades are good (he's not exactly challenged in his class level), but you miss a lot by not being in class.
Just annoying as hell to watch this kid continue to lie, manipulate and get away with it. I'm working on just letting go. Not my circus, right?
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Hard to watch
I agree its hard to watch manipulators. At least your DH is wise to it, unlike how my DH was.
My BD18 had this same issue,
My BD18 had this same issue, we finally found a doctor who took it seriously and got her medication for the reflux, it took several months to get her healed and to not have the vomiting issue. It sucks BM doesn’t take this seriously because you have to be consistent with the meds for it to allow things to heal. I guess all DH can do it remind SS13 when he’s there “did you take your meds today”, or maybe have him set a timer on his phone to remind him daily. At some point the kid has to start learning some responsibility for his own body and meds.
Chronic severe untreated
Chronic severe untreated reflux can also lead to esophageal cancer. Not this year, not this decade, but in middle to older age. These kids have it young so it has longer to cause damage.
DH has reflux as well and has
DH has reflux as well and has to have an EGD every two years due to Barrett's esophagus. So, he's well versed in reflux, what can happen and what you need to do. At least someone is.
At our house, SS's meds are on our kitchen counter and he takes it right before dinner, so we can see him take it. No clue what her practice is, but if he lies and says he took it, she'll believe it.
Not sure why he's averse to taking the pills unless he wants to keep the reflux going so he can stay home. One night last week, I noticed he got his dinner and came into the living room without taking the pill, so I (nicely) reminded him. He stomped back in and gave me a death glare while he took it.
I can't imagine how he enjoys
I can't imagine how he enjoys vomitting just to get out of school. BD18 was miserable and would cry and be like "why can't this just end." Every time we took her to the doctor, they were like well she's seems fine, then send us home.
They didn't have any trouble
They didn't have any trouble getting a diagnosis -- he was 6 at the time. If anything, he seemed to enjoy the attention it got him. In first grade, instead of discreetly going to the bathroom, he would run to the front of the room and "go" in the teacher's waste basket, then enjoy the other kids' disgusted reactions. The teacher called him out to DH and BM and BM was furious with her for it.
It's never seemed to cause him much physical distress. Even now, he wants to eat, play sports, etc., as normal.
This is so true re. cancer.
This is so true re. cancer. He needs to get it under control. Acid reflux at his age? Not good. Not sure why the doctor isn't taking this more seriously. He should be taking his medication on the regular and changing his diet. It also has a relatively low survival rate
This is the BM wanting to
This is the BM wanting to overpay for grades? Maybe she should use that 'currency' in this area. Sorry you have to be kind while being death stared for being responsible. That sucks.
I wonder if Dad could have some meeting of the minds, explaining that reflux IS legit, but what he is doing is manipulative, and dig deeper into what he is avoiding so thoroughly with school skipping? Can he have in house detention at school with additional supervision? Likely, your hands are tied and BM supercedes any logic.
14 year olds are so short sighted. Poor guy is setting himself up for failure and disappointment in himself when high school starts. Obviously, he isn't able to handle some really basic aspects of bodily care.
You are doing fine in your own home.
Yep. She's the one (with her
Yep. She's the one (with her parents) paying hundreds for grades.
DH is trying to figure out how to address this with her -- again -- so she'll stop enabling the behavior but he doesn't have much hope it will be effective. Her MO is to ignore him or get self righteous/rmotional. She absolutely refuses to do anything that might upset SS.
So far, they haven't gotten anything from SS or the school about what he might be avoiding. It might not even be avoidance. Might be he'd rather get to stay home and sleep in and play video games. Who knows. He's not allowed to do that here, but she lets him. She hasn't quite figured out that if you want a behavior to stop, you have to stop rewarding it.
The only other thing we could think of is that BM's house (and, by extension SS) smells like a litter box. DH has to roll down the car windows and send him straight to the shower every time he picks him up. We wondered if he gets teased for it on her weeks. Who knows. That's also not something we can control.
And you're right. He's not thinking ahead. And she isn't either. This will all get more difficult as he gets older and missing school will be more and more of a problem. As will his reflux if he doesn't manage it.
This would annoy me too. Kids
This would annoy me too. Kids should be in school if they're enrolled in school. All this is teaching him is that it's okay to lie to do what you want to do versus what you're supposed to do. Even if his grades are fine now, this will eventually catch up to him. Total lack of discipline. It sucks that there's nothing your DH can do about it.