“Sick” again — some more
Two weeks ago, SS13 went home from school Wednesday because he "threw up." Was perfectly fine on Thursday (district policy is he couldn't come back the next day). Friday morning, like clockwork, he told BM he threw up, so she kept him home again.
SS has acid reflux and has had it since he was 6. It causes him to spit up sometimes, but not outright vomiting. He also has a prescription, which he hasn't taken in months.
Anyway, he came back to our house last week. Instead of getting his prescription refilled, she bought an OTC med that he can't take longer than two weeks (she didn't read the box). So, DH got the prescription. SS acted very annoyed and put out every time we reminded him to take it. He was perfectly fine all week.
Guess what happened yesterday? Yep. "Threw up" at school. This time, BM took him to the doctor, who did tests and x-rays and could find nothing wrong. It's his reflux. Again, which shouldn't send him home or keep him out of school.
DH suggested they get a doctor letter for his file so the nurse will send him back to class. No response from BM.
It's frustrating, but there's not much DH can do. This never happens on our weeks. If she chooses to let SS manipulate her, he can't control that. But it's patently obvious SS is either outright lying or using his reflux to stay home from school. He's getting closer to the limit. His grades are good (he's not exactly challenged in his class level), but you miss a lot by not being in class.
Just annoying as hell to watch this kid continue to lie, manipulate and get away with it. I'm working on just letting go. Not my circus, right?
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Hard to watch
I agree its hard to watch manipulators. At least your DH is wise to it, unlike how my DH was.
My BD18 had this same issue,
My BD18 had this same issue, we finally found a doctor who took it seriously and got her medication for the reflux, it took several months to get her healed and to not have the vomiting issue. It sucks BM doesn’t take this seriously because you have to be consistent with the meds for it to allow things to heal. I guess all DH can do it remind SS13 when he’s there “did you take your meds today”, or maybe have him set a timer on his phone to remind him daily. At some point the kid has to start learning some responsibility for his own body and meds.
Chronic severe untreated
Chronic severe untreated reflux can also lead to esophageal cancer. Not this year, not this decade, but in middle to older age. These kids have it young so it has longer to cause damage.
DH has reflux as well and has
DH has reflux as well and has to have an EGD every two years due to Barrett's esophagus. So, he's well versed in reflux, what can happen and what you need to do. At least someone is.
At our house, SS's meds are on our kitchen counter and he takes it right before dinner, so we can see him take it. No clue what her practice is, but if he lies and says he took it, she'll believe it.
Not sure why he's averse to taking the pills unless he wants to keep the reflux going so he can stay home. One night last week, I noticed he got his dinner and came into the living room without taking the pill, so I (nicely) reminded him. He stomped back in and gave me a death glare while he took it.
I can't imagine how he enjoys
I can't imagine how he enjoys vomitting just to get out of school. BD18 was miserable and would cry and be like "why can't this just end." Every time we took her to the doctor, they were like well she's seems fine, then send us home.
They didn't have any trouble
They didn't have any trouble getting a diagnosis -- he was 6 at the time. If anything, he seemed to enjoy the attention it got him. In first grade, instead of discreetly going to the bathroom, he would run to the front of the room and "go" in the teacher's waste basket, then enjoy the other kids' disgusted reactions. The teacher called him out to DH and BM and BM was furious with her for it.
It's never seemed to cause him much physical distress. Even now, he wants to eat, play sports, etc., as normal.
This is so true re. cancer.
This is so true re. cancer. He needs to get it under control. Acid reflux at his age? Not good. Not sure why the doctor isn't taking this more seriously. He should be taking his medication on the regular and changing his diet. It also has a relatively low survival rate
This is the BM wanting to
This is the BM wanting to overpay for grades? Maybe she should use that 'currency' in this area. Sorry you have to be kind while being death stared for being responsible. That sucks.
I wonder if Dad could have some meeting of the minds, explaining that reflux IS legit, but what he is doing is manipulative, and dig deeper into what he is avoiding so thoroughly with school skipping? Can he have in house detention at school with additional supervision? Likely, your hands are tied and BM supercedes any logic.
14 year olds are so short sighted. Poor guy is setting himself up for failure and disappointment in himself when high school starts. Obviously, he isn't able to handle some really basic aspects of bodily care.
You are doing fine in your own home.
Yep. She's the one (with her
Yep. She's the one (with her parents) paying hundreds for grades.
DH is trying to figure out how to address this with her -- again -- so she'll stop enabling the behavior but he doesn't have much hope it will be effective. Her MO is to ignore him or get self righteous/rmotional. She absolutely refuses to do anything that might upset SS.
So far, they haven't gotten anything from SS or the school about what he might be avoiding. It might not even be avoidance. Might be he'd rather get to stay home and sleep in and play video games. Who knows. He's not allowed to do that here, but she lets him. She hasn't quite figured out that if you want a behavior to stop, you have to stop rewarding it.
The only other thing we could think of is that BM's house (and, by extension SS) smells like a litter box. DH has to roll down the car windows and send him straight to the shower every time he picks him up. We wondered if he gets teased for it on her weeks. Who knows. That's also not something we can control.
And you're right. He's not thinking ahead. And she isn't either. This will all get more difficult as he gets older and missing school will be more and more of a problem. As will his reflux if he doesn't manage it.
This would annoy me too. Kids
This would annoy me too. Kids should be in school if they're enrolled in school. All this is teaching him is that it's okay to lie to do what you want to do versus what you're supposed to do. Even if his grades are fine now, this will eventually catch up to him. Total lack of discipline. It sucks that there's nothing your DH can do about it.
This is it in a nutshell.
This is it in a nutshell. What he's learned his whole life is that lying and manipulation will get him what he wants with no consequences.
And, yeah, there's a lot you miss by not being in class and that will come back to bite him. During pandemic virtual learning, his teacher alerted DH and BM that he was logging on for attendance and was doing his work, but he was either turning off his camera or logging off otherwise. I warned DH this was a bad habit to get into. Just because you can do the work and get good grades doesn't mean you can skip out.
So on DH's time, DH should
So on DH's time, DH should take him to a Doc for the letter then give the original to the school and keep a notarized copy for his records and start building the coffin around BM one plank and nail at a time. The goal is to get the SKid out of HS and to the age he ages out from under the CO. Then, no conversation needs to be had with BM ever again and SS can speak directly to your DH and DH can speak directly to SS. At that point, SS does what is right and what he is told or he finishes growing up on his own time and his own dime or with what he can get out of BM.
If he was mine, from the second he got home from being sent home due to a bullshit condition, this kid would be filling buckets full of pea gravel, carrying them across the yard and emptying them onto a pile all day he was supposed to be in school. That kid would be begging to go to school and stay in school if he was mine. He would be incredibly fit from hauling two 5gal buckets of pea gravel across the yard then when the 5^3 yard pile was moved, moving it back. Over, and over, and over again. Nothing but mindless useless labor though I would also have him loudly working through his multiplication and division tables while he was marching between piles. He would have manly calloused hands after the blisters healed.
If we were not running a fever or bleeding from some serious injury, we were in school. If we were feverish and actually sick, we were in bed. No TV. We could read a book and listen to the radio. There were no PCs or tablets, or smart phones, or gaming systems. IMHO, if a kid is too sick to go to school, they are too sick for gaming, TV, etc. Books, or sleep. That is it.
When this kid fails to launch, there should not be a snowballs chance in hell that he ends up in your home. He can hang with BM and if she whines and cries about it, so much the better.
Wonder if he's got something
Wonder if he's got something else going on like anxiety about something school related , denial about his medical condition, etc for him to risk his health by refusing his medication just to get out of class
They've both tried talking to
They've both tried talking to him about it and he says everything is fine. DH talked to a few people at the school and no one has noticed any problems. So, who knows. It may be schoolwork/class. May be social. He may just prefer hanging out and playing his PS5.
As far as his health, I doubt he takes it that seriously. Teens are notoriously shortsighted anyway, and he's worse than most.
My pediatrician used to give teens who didn't take their health seriously (like diabetics) a "scared straight" talk. If he keeps up not taking his pills, some Googling with graphic photos may be in order.
Exactly the scared straight
Exactly the scared straight works for most preteens early teens
Sit him down in front of an infomercial showing where he will end up ... struggling to survive in a hospital bed with no video games etc if he keeps playing around with his health